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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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I've just abandoned my very drunk/high dh in central London in favour of getting ds home

689 replies

HoldingPatternDone · 30/04/2016 22:54

Namechanged yet again as all this is so, so identifying. Dh has struggled with addictions and after a peaceful few months it came to a head today when we saw his family.

He was being aggressive to everyone and when our bus arrived he wouldn't get on so I've just taken myself and ds home. Now he won't answer his phone and I feel awful I've abandoned him but our son is only 3 and I've got to get him home. I can't help feeling so guilty and bad and am both dreading and wishing him home. What do I do?

OP posts:
HoldingPatternDone · 02/05/2016 20:07

Nothing terrible is going to happen to ds when I'm around. He's not coming back. Why is everyone turning on me? I'm getting help and havn't smoked for ages.

SS are happy and not even that bothered about us. They'll be happy to hear he's gone though I guess.

OP posts:
Lweji · 02/05/2016 20:09

Will you be telling them you still have drugs in the house and using a controlled drug that was not prescribed to you?
Have you flushed them all yet?

seasidesally · 02/05/2016 20:10

SS are happy and not even that bothered about us.

only because they dont know the whole truth/story

Hissy · 02/05/2016 20:11

How is this supporting the op? if shes harranged here, how will she be able to build up to the enormous task she has to face?

Afreshstartplease · 02/05/2016 20:12

Op you need to get rid of all the drugs

CoolforKittyCats · 02/05/2016 20:12

SS are happy and not even that bothered about us.

Do they know the whole truth?

AyeAmarok · 02/05/2016 20:15

Nothing terrible is going to happen to ds when I'm around.

You've been around the last 3 years and quite a lot of bad stuff has happened to him. Not least in the last few days.

But keep telling yourself that it's all rosy and no big deal.

Have you flushed the weed down to loo yet?

BillSykesDog · 02/05/2016 20:19

I agree hissy.

seasidesally · 02/05/2016 20:19

because no matter the best intentions of MN'ers op is not going to do what you want her to and nothing is going to change at the moment

good intentions and all that but back in the real world it is not going to happen because a well meaning bunch of women on a forum,certainly not going to happen in op's life anytime soon

maybe in the far future she may will do something about leaving him permantly but i fear it may be to late then,IMO

HoldingPatternDone · 02/05/2016 20:23

Oh, and to whoever asked, I'm 29

OP posts:
exWifebeginsat40 · 02/05/2016 20:24

I'm an alcoholic (2 years sober) and I'm prescribed Tramadol. my doctor knows my history and I'm obviously monitored but it's a nonsense to say someone with addiction shouldn't be given pain relief.

of course OP wasn't prescribed these meds so in this case it's a moot point.

OP my life is so much better sober. ditch the wanker boyfriend and keep the drug and alcohol counselling.

Lemonade1 · 02/05/2016 20:27

The 'well meaning bunch of women' (patronising) are real life women. Some of us have lived with addicts or are recovering addicts.

cocochanel21 · 02/05/2016 20:29

How often do you go to counselling op ?

HoldingPatternDone · 02/05/2016 20:30

In his 3 years I've protected him and continue to do so. He's barely seen me high or drunk. Hes never seen or experienced violence. We are not one those families. I'll flush it ok?

OP posts:
seasidesally · 02/05/2016 20:30

you may well have,but the internet is no way the same as real life help and support and thats what the op needs

wannabestressfree · 02/05/2016 20:31

You lied to ss though you admitted that on your other thread. So they probably aren't bothered. You are lieing to protect your husband....
Flushed it yet?

HoldingPatternDone · 02/05/2016 20:32

I've only just started it. Everything's very raw.

OP posts:
CoolforKittyCats · 02/05/2016 20:33

He's barely seen me high or drunk

What does 'barely' mean? Hmm

wannabestressfree · 02/05/2016 20:34

How can you honestly type that knowing what happened on Friday.... and barely? Not much of a stunning example of parenting is it?
And I am just as condemning of those who think it's OK to get smashed on booze in front of young children. Your both another level though and I Don't think you get that yet...

HoldingPatternDone · 02/05/2016 20:34

Jesus. I m going to. I might just have one tiny smoke (through a pipe so no nicotine)to say goodbye. I'm really hurting right now. It won't mean anything as havn't for weeks.

OP posts:
jacks11 · 02/05/2016 20:34

There are a number of issues here really- glad OP has managed to leave a damaging relationship (and IMHO a mutually destructive one). It will be better in the long run for her, her DS and quite probably her DH. So, well done OP for taking such a positive step, you've done the right thing for you and for your son.

I hope you have now been honest with your friends and family about the situation you were in, and also that you can be open about your own problems which sound like they are on-going, so that you can get some RL support from those closest to you.

As for the tramadol- actually this is an issue which needs to be addressed. Ignoring it will not help, especially if it is not the "non-issue" OP thinks it is.

OP I strongly advise you to see your GP with regards period pain and explain that you have been using tramadol. Tramadol is not a first line drug for period pain and like any opiate it is addictive and can cause real problems- even if only used at prescription doses. You should not be using a medication like this if it is not prescribed for you (I think you said it was prescribed for someone else?).

It is very likely to be effective for the pain, but I strongly suspect it is like using a axe to crack a nutshell, as the saying goes. There are plenty of other more appropriate and less problematic pain-killers which can help. In addition, it can interact with a number of other medications (including some antidepressants and other pain medications) and at worst it can cause serious complications. OP I don't know what other medication, if any, you are taking but your GP should know what you are taking for safety's sake both now and in the future.

Tramadol is now a controlled drug, due to it use as a drug of abuse and potential for addiction. I worry when people with previous addiction problems start using other people's medication and then saying "it's not an issue". Whether it is or is not a problem for you OP, obviously I cannot know.

wannabestressfree · 02/05/2016 20:35

You are one of those families..

DraenorQueen · 02/05/2016 20:35

Jesus. I m going to. I might just have one tiny smoke (through a pipe so no nicotine)to say goodbye. I'm really hurting right now. It won't mean anything as havn't for weeks.
Are you actually for real?

wannabestressfree · 02/05/2016 20:36

Shame on you....

AvonCallingBarksdale · 02/05/2016 20:37

How ridiculous - as if SS have nothing better to do than be involved with a family they're "not even bothered about."
Depressingly predictable - the husband will be back soon enough, a changed man, until the next bender. OP will name change and the whole sorry cycle will be repeated.
I'm out, as they say. Good luck to your DS, OP.