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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I've just abandoned my very drunk/high dh in central London in favour of getting ds home

689 replies

HoldingPatternDone · 30/04/2016 22:54

Namechanged yet again as all this is so, so identifying. Dh has struggled with addictions and after a peaceful few months it came to a head today when we saw his family.

He was being aggressive to everyone and when our bus arrived he wouldn't get on so I've just taken myself and ds home. Now he won't answer his phone and I feel awful I've abandoned him but our son is only 3 and I've got to get him home. I can't help feeling so guilty and bad and am both dreading and wishing him home. What do I do?

OP posts:
Goingtobeawesome · 02/05/2016 19:20

You're only kidding yourself, not us.

It is a lot of money but it is money that is gone. Get rid or face the consequences. No one can help you when you don't want to help yourself.

AvonCallingBarksdale · 02/05/2016 19:20

Then take it to the toilet, pour it down and flush. You sound so immature, I feel very sorry for your DS. Are you unable to make the connection between being hard up and spending loads of cash on drugs and booze? Whilst it's in the house, your DS could, potentially, happen upon it, could he not? Is that risk worth taking, just because your, apparently, lovely DH would be upset at the disappearance of his stash?

Original poster
HoldingPatternDone · 02/05/2016 19:20

Yes there involved and I have to inform them of any major change in his care so have to call tomorrow. Care plan meeting on Thursday anyway.

What's rubbish AF?

OP posts:
AyeAmarok · 02/05/2016 19:22

But keeping the weed won't make you £60 richer!

The money is gone. You've spent it already. You can't get that £60 back.

Just bloody flush it.

Are we talking to the hand here?

wannabestressfree · 02/05/2016 19:23

Flush it then if you Don't need it nor are going to sell it.
You need to get angry. Why is that crap in your house and playing a role in your sons life. What is most important? You are Just someone on the internet and I am not getting the impression your son is....come on....

Original poster
HoldingPatternDone · 02/05/2016 19:24

My son is most important. Of course he is. Ok I can bin it.

OP posts:
Afreshstartplease · 02/05/2016 19:26

Well done op!

NicknameUsed · 02/05/2016 19:27

"It's not just one bag of weed. It's about £60 worth of weed and skunk. It's a waste of money"

Oh FGS. Just get rid of it. The money has gone now. Get your head out of the sand and face reality.

You keep saying that you want to make your son your first priority, so make it happen by getting rid of the weed, making an appointment to see your GP and telling your family.

Do it.

Dowser · 02/05/2016 19:29

My husband was a nasty drunk. Thank god he left me for someone else.

I have a life of ( Riley ) peace now.

I hope you find the strength to do what needs to be done.

LizKeen · 02/05/2016 19:30

The bin is just somewhere to store it.

Flush it. That is the only way it is not going to reappear.

wannabestressfree · 02/05/2016 19:30

You have to see if ss are already involved you would be mad not to dispose of it.. you need to be proactive or I think the consequences will be more severe than you are actually giving head space too. Grow up and build your unit..

AnyFucker · 02/05/2016 19:33

"I can take it or leave it"

That is rubbish

Lemonade1 · 02/05/2016 19:41

This reply has been deleted

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AvonCallingBarksdale · 02/05/2016 19:43

Thank goodness SS are involved. At the beginning of this thread, posters were remarking that they recognised you from previous thread, so this is obviously something that's been going on for some time. How sad. However lovely you think your DH is (he doesn't sound it, btw, just from what you've said on this thread), you will never be the most important thing to him while he's still an addict. Nor will your DS be. Despite protesting, I don't believe you when you say your DS is the most important person to you. I think your DH is. You are so wrapped up in how he'll react, your feelings towards him etc etc, that your DS comes across as an afterthought. Good luck, and, hopefully, you'll start to make some good decisions and get your priorities straight. Please don't think that DS won't be affected by this as he's so young. He will be. You don't have to be perfect, but you have to be good enough, and by arsing around giving excuses about why you can't just flush a stash down the loo, you aren't being good enough for DS, not by a long shot.

Buzzardbird · 02/05/2016 19:43

£60! That's a lot of money in my house. How was it ever acceptable to take that money from your child's mouth?

AyeAmarok · 02/05/2016 19:44

No don't "bin" it; FLUSH it.

If you bin it you'll just go and dig it back out in a moment of weakness.

Flush it, then it's properly gone.

starry0ne · 02/05/2016 19:45

It was obvious last night you had weed in the house by the absence of any response on the subject.. I don't think you are just holding on to it for H... I also do think you are used to taking the strongest drugs available for anything..

If you have period pain what have you previously taken?

You need the weed out of the house for your own sanity . You also need any other addictive meds whether it is booze, meds or weed.

I can understand taking time to tell your family , keeping the stuff in the house is about you not him...

Afreshstartplease · 02/05/2016 19:47

What would happen if ss found the weed op

Pedestriancrossing · 02/05/2016 19:49

If this is real, I feel so sorry got your DS. So many excuses why you avoid taking proper action to protect him. I say that as someone previously married to an alcoholic and I do relate to the head in the sand mentality as it is so much easier than facing up to the grim truth and taking control. But however much it is your choice as an adult to mess up your own life, to let this happen to a child is unforgivable. Get a grip ffs and do what's right for DS even if it is painful.

seasidesally · 02/05/2016 19:50

cocaine,weed in the house

child getting hold of a grinder

Social Services need to be involved regardless if DP is there or not

Lemonade1 · 02/05/2016 19:50

Save your breath. Doesn't really matter about this bag of weed. There'll be others. Her h will back in the house in a week when he's 'shown her he's really changed this time'. There are thousands of people like OP, she's nothing special or unusual. What OP has told us will be the tip of the iceberg by the way.

seasidesally · 02/05/2016 19:55

how many times do we see reports in the press of terrible things happening to children while in the care of their parents,mostly involving the parents addictions to drink and drugs

ops DP will be back in the family home within 2 weeks and their poor DS will continue to suffer

harsh but totally predictable

birdsdestiny · 02/05/2016 19:56

Well of course SS are involved. How could they not be. OP this is going to sound patronising but to be honest none of us know how else to proceed. Do you understand what SS being involved means. Do you understand what having care team meetings means. They don't do any of that for fun.

NicknameUsed · 02/05/2016 20:03

How do you know SS are involved?

seasidesally · 02/05/2016 20:05

oh have i missed a bit about SS already being involved,i didnt realise they were already