HoldingPatternDone I have spent far too much of my life with alcoholics, two of them. 15 years in fact.
It was a terrible waste of time, and the longer I stayed the more my self-esteem crumbled.
You are doing well with realising that you need to go. The change will be fine.
I am so, so glad I eventually left. Life is so different now, there's no chaos, no worrying that my ex might be dead, or in hospital, or having to carry on after brushing another excruciatingly humiliating incident under the carpet.
Don't brush anything else under the carpet. You're heading in the right direction, to the door, keep on going!
You need to stop being afraind of change, because change is happening right under your nose. Your DS is changing. The older he gets, the more being around an addict will affect him.
You can't avoid change, even if you stand still. But you can protect your DS from harm. That is your job and it's urgent. please act now.
As others have said, it is already a choice between your DH and your DS. No one is going to pop up with a sign and say "here is a choice, your DH or you DS, please choose now!". You need to recognise that life is showing you that choice, right now. To stay us to enable your DH but harm your DS. To leave is to save your DS from harm and free yourself from a destructive situation also.
Your DH is using you as a prop, you will never be able to help him I learnt that one the hard way!). He may need help, as you are his partner, you are part of the whole dynamic and can't give it to him. He needs to seek it himself, and he may not. You need to stop giving him chances, be brave and do what needs to be done, for your DS and for you.