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Original poster

Financial Abuse - AlmostFreeMo - Part 4

997 replies

AlmostFreeMo · 26/04/2016 06:51

Next Fred...

OP posts:
Joysmum · 03/05/2016 16:00

Great advice from Spring

rumblingDMexploitingbstds · 03/05/2016 16:53

Bloody hell. There was so little in the cupboards (and nothing he thought fit for him to eat) that he went and got a takeaway and ate it in front of you!

Nutjob. Sad

petalsandstars · 03/05/2016 17:08

I bet he didn't do any shopping or give you extra money while he was there to cover him either. Or did he just buy his own food?

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 03/05/2016 18:15

Got another update coming...(well if more of the bloody same counts).

No he didn't provide a single extra thing while he was here. Not even a meal out for the kids. Actually, I tell a lie, I found one tub of spread in the fridge. But that's all.

Who was it who suggested the diary and print outs of emails/texts/messages/social media stuff etc.? I spent a couple of hours doing that earlier, so thanks for that suggestion, it's really helpful to see it all in black and white in date order.

OP posts:
donners312 · 03/05/2016 18:49

Hi Mo, I posted hundreds of posts ago about the similarity of our husbands. I am a lot further down the road to you.

The best advice my solicitor gave me was to be polite and factual in all emails and record everything. Remember at some point a judge or a social worker may read what you write.

You have done amazing!!

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 03/05/2016 18:53

Hi Donners, of course I remember you Smile
Good advice. Think I can safely say I've been polite enough. I've certainly not sworn or said anything out of order.

OP posts:
BoatyMcBoat · 03/05/2016 19:11

Put notes i that book as well. Note what was there when he arrived, what he said about it, and what he did about it. Naturally add how often he bought food out and who for, and what was left when he went.

Akire · 03/05/2016 19:18

Records are good idea- easy to forget as you go along or reaches point to msny start organising.

Interesting about food because part of living apart is not having shared finances if you were a couple in eyes of DWP he would be pooling resources. Fact that he provided food out only for himself or used what was there already shows he sees you as totally seperate already.

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 03/05/2016 19:25

So to my pointless update:

The other day when I was exhausted and exasperated and stressed not knowing whether he was choosing to ignore my messages about not having any money or whether he'd forgotten or whether it was something to do with the bank holiday, I sent a little frustrated email asking him if this is what he wanted, to be fighting constantly about this stuff. I just reminded him that in the middle of all of this are our children and they should come first and if he has issues with me, then they shouldn't suffer because of it.

I wasn't expecting a reply, to be honest.

He is a broken record, like a computer that needs its software updated. All he has done is repeat the same old load of nonsense he's told me a thousand times, with honestly absolutely ZERO reflection on events over the past few weeks - me finally leaving him, the bereavement he suffered, me locking myself in a room in the house, taking the children away from him because I was too uneasy to be under the same roof as him.

He is still on about advance notice if I want extra money for other things. The humongous list of almost inexhaustible things that children need that I sent him as advance (tongue in cheek) warning has totally and obviously fallen flat and he doesn't get that the very list IS advance notice. I didn't include a price list and projected dates for procurement so it is obviously meaningless to him.

And I just have to almost copy/paste word for word: "I do also expect you to do a little part time work to bring in say 100 a week to provide additional funds for you to spend on yourself (not the children)"

and

"Happy to discuss longer term arrangements in the future should we ultimately separate in the future"

I did reply, buy only to reinforce previous points just in case anyone accuses me of not being clear enough. I included dates and and details of previous emails (when I told him it was over, when I informed him about CM), a link to the CM calculator and that I do not wish to discuss finances any more with him.

I probably could have worded it better, or more strongly, but the facts are there and my constant underlining that I am not and that I do not want to be in a relationship with him is abundantly crystal fucking clear. I am just so bloody exhausted by it all today, I could barely summon the strength to get angry about it.

Anyway, my meeting is tomorrow and I shall be taking along my big black book of facts, evidence and notes along. Any last minute tips you have for that would be greatly appreciated and welcomed!

OP posts:
PhoenixReisling · 03/05/2016 19:38
Shock

He still believes that you need to provide an itemised list....he shall get a shock when CMS etc kicks in for you and you need to provide zilch.

No advice really except which you have done print off emails/screen shots and itemise times he has spent with the DC (including Skypes/telephone calls).

Akire · 03/05/2016 19:39

Still having trouble with we are seperated then....I'm guessing in the future is when he decides not you.

£100 per week for you?? Does he think you get £100 for yourself at the moment? Or is he included your sharing of gas electric phone petrol being 100% for you and not on behalf of the kids.

Guessing min wage job in a pub or such like so you are talking £7.20 x14 hours. When are you supposed to do thT? So every Friday Saturday and Sunday night X 5h you dump kids then somehow puck them up at gone 11pm get home out everyone to bed. Yea can see that working great.

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 03/05/2016 19:42

Akire, that's just why I had to reply with the date of our separation and that nothing has changed since then, just in case he DARES try to tell me or anyone else he ended it. No prick, I ended it, not you.

OP posts:
Akire · 03/05/2016 19:45

But if you have not seperated why the need for you to get a job?? I'd be so tempted to say by time you get income support child benefit tax credits you will have no need to go work!

Original poster
AlmostFreeMo · 03/05/2016 19:48

He's just reinforcing that while he's happy to pay the bare minimum for his own children, paying anything for me is just taking the piss. I'm only the mother of his children doing everything for them alone 24/7. Not even worth £100 a week in his eyes.

OP posts:
PhoenixReisling · 03/05/2016 19:50

I also think it's quite very insulting that he expects you to earn £100 per week.....but would spend more than that on his golf membership, holidays, trips and meals Hmm.

Also, how is asking his parents to look after the DC (until late at night), in their best interests?

He still thinks he is in charge....cause he hasn't asked but ordered you.

Akire · 03/05/2016 19:53

It's good in a way you have yet more evidence he's derranged. You told him over and over we have split you moved spare room with lock and resorted to hVing move away few days you do nothing as a family or communicate And still he thinks this is normal !

Barmaid101 · 03/05/2016 20:22

Glad the diary idea was helpful mo Smile

RandomMess · 03/05/2016 20:23

He really is quite deranged!!!

I can't see him bothering to have contact with the DC in future tbh Shock

mix56 · 03/05/2016 21:01

just fucking WOW, I think he is a robot.
He is really malfunctioning .... not programmed to understand, & repeating pre registered statements.

"You do not earn £100 in an evening in the pub...Tosser" ,

I can almost imagine him supping the beer himself, as he sits on the other side of the bar, spending that £100, that you aren't earning........before you go to pick up the kids at midnight ......

tribpot · 03/05/2016 21:11

I still think the word separation is confusing the issue. You haven't separated, you have split up. The relationship is over.

I find it astounding that even now he can be saying if you separate in the future. Er, hello?

So how did he manage not to provide any food? Did he eat out at every meal in order to deprive you and the children of anything beyond what was in the cupboards? What about the fancy lunch he laid on before he went away?

He doesn't really need advance notice of extra spending, he wants to approve it before it happens. He should just say that - maybe ask him why he needs advance notice, doesn't he have a buffer of cash in his current account for unexpected spends?

PhoenixReisling · 03/05/2016 21:18

He probably used the remaining food he bought which he was freely able to buy from any supermarket of his choice when he first came home to host this lunch. I also believe he purposely left only a spread, to make a point to Mo.

notapizzaeater · 03/05/2016 22:56

You can't be separated because he hasn't instigated it .... He's an absolute control freak

BoatyMcBoat · 03/05/2016 23:26

Just ask him to clarify whether it's advance notice he wants or pre-approval. Add that uniform shouldn't require approval as it is mandatory, and that advance notice of emergencies is impossible.

ineedsomemoremetime · 04/05/2016 00:01

Mo, have read your story from the start and this is my first post. I just though you should take along printed bank statements tomorrow as further proof of the financial abuse. Further evidence and all that..

glad2016 · 04/05/2016 00:06

and a print out of all your threads?