Financial Abuse - AlmostFreeMo - Part 4

[AlmostFreeMo]

Next Fred...

More like ......I was wondering whether there might be a problem with my email account. You see, He left yesterday & deliberately omitted to leave my £X monthly allowance for the children's food.

Good thinking there, mix56

Could you cc your reminder/request emails to a work colleague (preferably his boss) as you think there mast have been a problem with his email since you know he would have organised the money immediately otherwise

Given his parenting role so far cdnt imagine he be happy doing more 2-3h of stuff and handing them back. So can't see him having them Friday night to Sunday night unless he have him mum moving in those days too. would he be willing give up pub golf whatever every other weekend. He was back for week and coulnt stay home then either luckily

Don't use the word deliberately. "Er forgot" with a rising inflection much wiser, or just "didn't" . His actions tell the story sufficiently. He will try to claim you are distorting the situation, and are batty. After all, he might have forgotten in the rush and stress....

Honestly, take all emotion out even if the words sound robotic. Then he will find it harder to argue.

I agree with Orlanda. Just state the facts with no connotation or emotion. They speak for themselves.

It's a bit sneaky but if you relocated now via rented I think it would be difficult for him to enforce you to either move back or claim for you to share the travelling as he was currently living abroad.

Any idea how long it would take to force sale of the house through the courts?

TBH renting in a new area is far less stressful etc helps you find your feet. You would also know what the school place availability.

Have you had any thoughts about telling the DC, he refused to tell them with you whilst he was here so I really think it's best you clarify to them that you won't be living together in the same house as a family ever again.

Well his financial abuse means you are having to look for somewhere cheaper to live - otherwise you won't be able to feed the kids.

Just been reading about occupation orders I know you mentioned pre visit. Look like best hope abd major signal to him that you are never doing last week again. Plus because they are for set 6-12months there is a push for you both to agree and sell house and make arrangements.

As things stand he can carry on life as normal but stop s

(Sorry) but stop start paying you as and when feels like it. He's got no interest in selling or making plans.

Is he military, Mo? If so, a call to his CO might be in order.

Been looking up seem fastest way to claim income support is to go to job centre worth making an appointment thank you put claim in.

May be worth explaining if he dosnt pay you and still not got any other benefits in should be able advise about advance or food bank stuff. I know you said you have acess to emergency money but you don't know how long things will take and best to have options just in case. Plus do no harm to show what his finacial abuse has left you to resort to either.

He must really think by doing this I'll think ok, I'll go out and get a full time job and his mother can do free child care.
Good idea about income support.
This is taking financial abuse to a new level. I think he'll pay it eventually though, just when he feels like it, to make me sweat.

Did u go all way shop to check card? Are you ok next few days?

Start describing the money as child maintenance when you communicate with him. I bet he is thinking that now you have split up he doesn't have to pay for anything.

Or alternatively he thinks that you'll decide to give the relationship another go of he withholds the money... Which is just weird. But then he's weird.

Runrabbit - actually I did use that term. It's not housekeeping money any more.

Yes Aye, he probably does think that in his warped mind. By withholding money he thinks I won't be able to leave the relationship. Because he genuinely believes I was stealing from him before when he was accusing me of using the money on other things than food. He thinks I'm trapped forever.

Mo, its just mind blowing isn't it. he is OK having a life long relationship with someone he has "trapped forever". I am lost for words

It's psychopathic behaviour. I don't have needs or wants, or feelings. I am here just to embellish his image and his bank account and to facilitate his lifestyle without him having to make a single compromise. I am just a nobody. However ironically, it's me being a nobody that makes him think he is a somebody. Without me, he is nothing. But he can't see it. And may never see it, even after he's lost his family.

He really should have thought about his victim a bit more carefully before choosing me. But thank god it was me and not someone even more vulnerable than me, who would really find themselves trapped forever. I feel really sad thinking there are people who genuinely feel trapped in their relationships - whether they realise it or not. No one deserves this sort of treatment.

Well said Mo! Are you going contact him again or consider it lost cause?

I'll be forced to until I have my own funds. No choice. But what can I do anyway other than just resend the same email over and over?

I'm looking out eagerly for his next activity on social media.
Thank god it's after 6pm...time to have a glass.

I doubt you would save money by moving out, given that presumably your accommodation is in effect cashless. And prob not sensible to take DCs out if their home until you have to, unless e threatens violence. Home and security ate very wound up together. V difficult to understand if home is lying empty and you're not living in it. Once it's sold, no problem.

On another thought, now he's gone can you get in touch with both sets of GPs and arrange to see them? Nice for both sides, if not for you, and makes the point that you are not unreasonable and not cutting off contact.

Finally, have you proof that you gave at least asked once why he has refused to provide more money and you have asked to see the financial ins and outs, all the family income and expenditure, assets and liabilities? If not, it could be that he had huge debts that he brought into your partnership accumulated before you got together and is actually not able to provide more without the heavy mob being on him. Or that he has done so since you got together. If you have asked and he has refused to disclose and you have an audit trail as proof of that, then you are in an even stronger position. Don't forget, it's not uncommon for people to try to hide assets/income.

Sorry if this sounds clinical, just trying to help you think through your positioning.

I think moving into rented, if you can borrow enough from someone (you would get it at some point, and be able to pay it back) in the area you want, now while he's abroad, then he won't really have a leg to stand on when he eventually gets back. At that point, you can easily say that he knew where you were now living and chose to live far away.....