I've met someone and want to ask him out

[ProfessorPickles]

I've recently met someone who has really taken me by surprise. I've been single for around 3 years now, apart from a short relationship, and I'd had very little interest in men for a long time until I met him.

He's good looking but what got me by surprise is his personality, he's very smiley and has a great sense of humour. He makes me laugh and is a genuinely nice person. I haven't met someone who's even caught my eye for a long, long time so it's a little bit exciting!

The problem however, is that he's a teacher at my university. Not my teacher, but I have contact with him occasionally.
We are a similar age (I'm a slightly older student) and I will be leaving in 2 months so would wait until then.

I have no idea if he is interested in me too, but I can't believe I've had my head turned after so long of being adamant I was going to be happily alone forever so I feel it would be foolish to just ignore it.

My idea was to give him a 'thank you' card/gift as I am leaving (for helping with my work, I'll be giving them to two other members of staff) and put my number inside. I thought this would be good so he can choose to take it or leave it, as it's potentially a little bit inappropriate?
If he isn't interested he can simply ignore it to spare me the embarrassment of asking to his face! Although, I've known several teachers to get together with students once they've left so I suppose it isn't that radical of an idea.

Best case scenario: We go on a date, fall in love, get married, have children and tour the country with our family band.

Worst case scenario: He never contacts me and life goes on.

It's worth a try surely?

[LovePGtipsMonkey]

Rolling, but did you read OP's posts carefully - she is not a young student, she and this man are of similar age - and he's not her teacher directly. He flirted with her too.
Also have you read the posts commenting on how many married couples they know where ex-student married an academic - so there is a variety of situations and outcomes!
She's got nothing to lose if he doesn't respond.

[LovePGtipsMonkey]

(but possibly a lot to gain if the interest is mutual!)

[ProfessorPickles]

Rolling, that did cross my mind and I have been a little concerned that I've misunderstood his kindness and that he'd be embarrassed, which is why I felt it was more appropriate to simply put my number in a card rather than potentially put him on the spot and embarrass him by asking to his face. It is direct but subtle and he can act on it if he wishes, I wouldn't want to embarrass him!

[Summerlovinf]

You'd be much better finding out if he's single (by asking him). If he is then suggest having a coffee sometime.

[ProfessorPickles]

I feel that suggesting coffee (I assume you mean to his face) is putting him on the spot, which I really don't want to do if I have misunderstood!

[Rollinginthevalley]

Any ethical academic - whether he's teaching you directly or not - will wait until after you've graduated, so you are no longer a student.

Just be careful not to confuse professional friendliness with personal feeling. Most of us really don't think too much personally about our students. And I've seen some lovely colleagues embarrassed and upset by inappropriate advances from students. Basically any advance - by either student or lecturer - is inappropriate. The power relationship is too uneven. Wait until you're no longer a student.

[ProfessorPickles]

I'm not convinced you've read any of this thread Rolling, I have said many times that I am waiting until I am no longer a student!

[LovePGtipsMonkey]

Rolling, OP is leaving the course in less than two months, for good.

[Summerlovinf]

I did mean suggest coffee face to face. I'm sorry to be pessimistic about this but does anyone (grown up I mean) get a card from someone they vaguely know with a telephone number, and go on to phone the number? Maybe just me but I'd think 'hmm flattering but seems a bit weird and immature..'

[Summerlovinf]

Plus you'd never know, did he read the card? Did he get the number? Has he lost the card? Did I wrote the number down wrongly? A his phone broken? Etc etc. If you speak to him you'll know if he's up for it or not.

[ThisIsTheRightTime]

I'm not sure Summerlovinf. It struck me as a discrete and adult solution. Now, I'll be mulling this over...

[ProfessorPickles]

I thought it was a good idea, I don't know anymore!

[WriteforFun]

Professor, I'd try to find out if he is single first. Because tbh a lot of men will go out with you even if they aren't.

The other thing to keep in mind is if the thank you card gets shown to others, will you be embarrassed?

I asked out a man I met in a professional context - when he'd finished working for me (I had hired him as a contractor) I dropped a box of chocs round to his office with a card saying "hope to see you again soon". I didn't put my number in it but of course he had a work email and number to follow up on, which he did.

If you write something like that in the card, you'd have to be sure to hang around while he opens it and if he says "oh yes, give your number" marginally less embarrassing.

Or send him a LinkedIn invite - then you can get each other's email and do this off line.

Good luck with the band and the touring

[ThisIsTheRightTime]

What a resourceful bunch of wonderful people are on Mumsnet! Another good idea from WriteforFun!

[ProfessorPickles]

Mumsnetters are very good, it's always nice to hear a range of opinions!

Write - I would be embarrassed if he showed others yes, I don't believe he would but obviously I can't know for sure. I won't be seeing anyone again from there so it isn't too much of a worry I suppose!

I'm feeling all unsure about all of this today!
I definitely like him, but asking him out terrifies me a little. I know I'm an adult and shouldn't be bothered but I've been single for quite a while and feel a bit out of practice in anything of this kind. If he was another student I think I'd find it less daunting. I am in a terrible mood today so that might be why I'm feeling anxious about it all.

Ps thank you for the mention of touring with the family band it's the best thing I've ever written I half stole it from a film and I was quite impressed with myself haha!

[ThisIsTheRightTime]

You're bound to go through days of doubt and others of hope dear ProfessorPickles Tomorrow you may well feel all happy again about the possibility of things to come.

[ProfessorPickles]

I suppose you're right ThisIs, least I have you lot to moan to ey? that's the beauty of MN, I wouldn't want to share much of this with anyone in RL!
I mentioned it to a friend briefly, she said to include my mobile number, email, home address, parents phone number and parents address just incase he can't contact me. Very useful

[LovePGtipsMonkey]

Well I was originally suggesting just asking him out for a chat over coffee in a friendly sort of way - maybe not right now but when you aer leaving, I did say that JUST leaving the number is somehow a BIG HINT, whereas telling him - or at least suggesting meeting up again in the note, would be paradoxically less scary to him.
Unless he himself is a bit immature and likes that style haha!

It was dreadful waiting with my note - I had to post it to his work place, imagine that! Apart from I couldn't be sure he received it, I also was worried that his assistant might open it even AND they may discuss or laugh about it. So yes, the week's wait before I knew he wasn't going to reply, was agonising. But if you habd your note, he will read it for sure - and I think he'll think you are overly shy going as far as that yet not being more vocal about meeting either in person or in the card.

Mind you, this is far better then doing nothing, so if you can't face anything else, just give the card and number! After all if he is your man, it will work out!

[LovePGtipsMonkey]

I mean 'apart from the fact..'

[ProfessorPickles]

Are we all against the number in a card idea now? Or do I just need to put a clear message in and not the number alone?

I'm only excited about this when I've really recently seen him, when I haven't seen him for a few days I seem to decide it's a terrible idea and he doesn't like me at all! Which isn't even relevant as I like him and should ask anyway because there's nothing to lose!
I'm boring myself with all this now

[Waltermittythesequel]

I think the note in the card is fine but you need to be clear that you want him to use it...

What about if you hand him the card and say "my number is in there if you want to catch up for a coffee or a drink"?

[ProfessorPickles]

I think that might be a nice idea it feels a bit like a middle ground, there's no backing out of it once the number is already in too!

[LovePGtipsMonkey]

Yes, that's better, or if you can't face saying it, add a similar short message with the number in the card. You still have time - maybe see how it goes in the next week, who knows maybe at next meeting you will be further on in some way! no need to torture yourself yet .

[ProfessorPickles]

I think over the next couple of weeks I will just see how things go, if he flirts then I'll feel better about being a bit more forward! If not, then I'll just put the message in the card and hope for the best

[Summerlovinf]

.....and remember there's plenty of other blokes out there...no need to put all eggs in one basket