I've met someone and want to ask him out

[ProfessorPickles]

I've recently met someone who has really taken me by surprise. I've been single for around 3 years now, apart from a short relationship, and I'd had very little interest in men for a long time until I met him.

He's good looking but what got me by surprise is his personality, he's very smiley and has a great sense of humour. He makes me laugh and is a genuinely nice person. I haven't met someone who's even caught my eye for a long, long time so it's a little bit exciting!

The problem however, is that he's a teacher at my university. Not my teacher, but I have contact with him occasionally.
We are a similar age (I'm a slightly older student) and I will be leaving in 2 months so would wait until then.

I have no idea if he is interested in me too, but I can't believe I've had my head turned after so long of being adamant I was going to be happily alone forever so I feel it would be foolish to just ignore it.

My idea was to give him a 'thank you' card/gift as I am leaving (for helping with my work, I'll be giving them to two other members of staff) and put my number inside. I thought this would be good so he can choose to take it or leave it, as it's potentially a little bit inappropriate?
If he isn't interested he can simply ignore it to spare me the embarrassment of asking to his face! Although, I've known several teachers to get together with students once they've left so I suppose it isn't that radical of an idea.

Best case scenario: We go on a date, fall in love, get married, have children and tour the country with our family band.

Worst case scenario: He never contacts me and life goes on.

It's worth a try surely?

I really don't see why you should think you are being self indulgent Love PGtips. Seriously? You feed us reassurance and wisdom in equal measures and what you are going through is hard to bear at times.

And are you going all paranoid about this possible wedding thing? Where did this thought spring from? You've gone from them not looking well and happy to getting hitched. Actually, it's good to see I'm not the only one capable of being paranoid. x

Hello Muddlewitch!

You are in the same emotional highs and lows boat as I am, then Prof. Of course you are. I suppose this is part and parcel l of the whole lust/love thing.

Almost two weeks since I saw him last. And now I can only imagine asking him if a chat would be a good thing and him fumbling to find a respectful way to say words along the line of 'what's the point? Besides I've got myself some super hot girlfriend'.

Aggggghhhhh!

I'll be over to England (south east) early July and then could return sometimes in August, Prof. Would you be up for a get-together Muddle? We could do it in London, perhaps?

I think self indulgence is the theme of the thread really! But like you say This, we reassure each other and give support.
And most importantly, just somewhere to get your thoughts out

How old are you both roughly?
I can't imagine how you both look at all or who you are IYSWIM!
I'm in my 20s, short-ish with very short brown hair. I'm possibly a bit 'different' (I get told this is a good thing, not weird in a bad way), very smiley and love to have a laugh and a drink whenever possible.

Yes July or August would be great for me! I have a friend who lives an hour from London so I bet he'd be happy for me to stay with him (I've been meaning to visit for ages) then I could come and meet everyone

I'm in my mid forties Prof, tall, fair blond. So, very different to you! Except I'm very smiley and love to laugh too! Now we just need a redhead to complete the picture!

I think what would really, really bother me is if car mechanic guy fancies me but is too adult (unlike me) and sensible to give into his feelings as there would be no point as there's no longterm future.

In other words, and I cannot believe I am writing this, I would like him to be a guy who agrees to a fling because, where I'm at in my life, that would be showing me more respect than not touching me. This really makes me laugh! Most dating gurus would scream at me as they are tell us to hold out for the longterm guy and not to succumb to easy sex. Ha!

Ah, a 30s red head definitely!

I imagined you're blonde, I have an image of you in my head but have no clue how accurate it is

I know exactly how you feel. Why can't we just get all of this over with?!

Dating gurus would be tearing their hair out at you, but sod them we've got to do what we like! I don't believe in all this refraining from sex to keep them interested. I don't believe in anything and just seem to do what I want in an inoffensive way I don't know where I've got this confidence and thick skin from because I've always been a shy little snowflake haha!!

Muddle and This - no the wedding thing is actually very rational and logical - it's more of a question 'why wouldn't they/haven't done yet?'. They ve been together steadily for about 4yrs (I don't know for sure but not more), they live together now and maybe doing a sensible thing of being sure before getting hitched. BUt if she does want children, it's her time to do it as she's in her early-mid 30s!). Looking stressed and tired is recent thing for them - as I suggested before maybe they aer trying TTC unsuccessfully and he had a mad schedule with work recently so could be that for his part, maybe nothing to do with relationship.She did act possessive recently on social media - but who knows, maybe she was having a bad day. And most of all, he never takes such long breaks from work, 1.5month! and it's June, the month of wedding. Sigh. But if it is happening at all, let it happen now so that I don't hope for something for another few months. As I'm not going to see him all summer, I was saying that rgardless of this, I have to move on, or something needs to happen with us now! I just can't face months of thinking bt not seeing him.

See, Prof, I've not thought about it for ages, because I was married for 13 years, but I had rather a lot of relationships beforehand which is normal as I got hitched at 35. My eldest daughter was born when I was 27 btw. Most of these relationships started off very passionately and I don't remember ever asking a single guy out. Perhaps I'm not remembering that right?

I used to be good at reeling the guy in because I was passionate. And blond which was mostly useful when I worked in Greece for two years. With this car mechanic (excuse me whilst I swoon here) I cannot unleash the passionate side of me because I'm having to be so damned careful as things have always been work related. So boring.

The weird thing is that a lot of relationships came about as I was a teacher and my students were adults therefore roughly the same age as me.

Gees, how I would love to just hug him and be tactile and natural with him just as I am with my friends and friends' husbands, etc. That's just the way I am with. And it makes it so much easier to move onto something more romantic than being all formal and polite.

Prof, July/Aug are good for me to meet up potentially, I may away early July but not for long. I'm similar to This in age, we are old next to you haha! Both tall too, but I'm not quite as tall as This.

This, I wouldn't say that. Dating gurus are advising mainly for the long term as it's so much harder to find/get it right. The good ones always say that if you want a fling, the rules are much more relaxed! Yes it's still good if hte you don't chase the guy who is very luke-warm about you but if you are both strongly attarcted, then there is literally nothing to lose to make a forst step and then watch what he does. I asked you, This, how old was he approx? In his 30s yes, he may want a relationship and be sensible but he is still recovering from the last on, so I don't think so, And if he's in his 20s then I don't think he is in any rush for long term.

Oops, I left that question unanswered, PGtips, sorry! He's in his late twenties! That's only a guesstimate on my part though. Could he be, shock, horror, younger still?

Anyway he's old enough in his mind to buy up the garage in three years when his boss retires. And he's old enough to have had a seven year relationship.

I'm an embarrassment
Imagine if he knew?

I'll be back to reply properly soon! x

PS. I hope when he saw me walking past the cafe he thought "ooh it's prof!!!" like I would if I saw him walk past a stomach full of butterflies!

I really see no issue in the age gap between you and mechanic man This, and he does sound mature from what you've said about buying the garage etc. I know men in their 30s who can't wipe their backside
So it does sound like he's got something to him and from what you've said about body language etc it sounds like he's interested but shy/being professional.

I like that we are both in a position where really it's best for us to make the first move as mechanic man and tutor man (they sound like really crap super heroes don't they?!) are both in a position of responsibility in a way. I can imagine if I was in their position I wouldn't dare make a move in case it came back to bite me in the bottom!

Pleased to hear you're up for the meet up PG! we will have to try set a date towards the end of this month maybe?
And no worries about the age difference, my two closest friends at uni are 40 and 50. I've always found it difficult to get on with people my own age, I just don't know how to interact with them the people I get on with best are 25+ more often than not!
It'll be a good time to meet up because hopefully something will have come of both mine and This' situations and hopefully you may have met someone new PG, preferably someone with a profession so we can refer to him as "gardener man" or "plumber man" etc

I really see no issue in the age gap between you and mechanic man This, and he does sound mature from what you've said about buying the garage etc. I know men in their 30s who can't wipe their backside
So it does sound like he's got something to him and from what you've said about body language etc it sounds like he's interested but shy/being professional.

I like that we are both in a position where really it's best for us to make the first move as mechanic man and tutor man (they sound like really crap super heroes don't they?!) are both in a position of responsibility in a way. I can imagine if I was in their position I wouldn't dare make a move in case it came back to bite me in the bottom!

Pleased to hear you're up for the meet up PG! we will have to try set a date towards the end of this month maybe?
And no worries about the age difference, my two closest friends at uni are 40 and 50. I've always found it difficult to get on with people my own age, I just don't know how to interact with them the people I get on with best are 25+ more often than not!
It'll be a good time to meet up because hopefully something will have come of both mine and This' situations and hopefully you may have met someone new PG, preferably someone with a profession so we can refer to him as "gardener man" or "plumber man" etc

Silly app said it hadn't posted! Sorry!

I am strawberry blonde and turn 37 tomorrow, no word of a lie, how perfect!!

I would definitely be up for a London meet up!

The app keeps doing that for me too Prof.

Late 20s is good (or younger) - he's not in a rush for an LTR, and still getting over the old GF as you said. He may be older than you think though! But in any case, not a silly boy, hard-worker and intelligent, and gentle with you. But exactly as Prof says, in gthe situation where you aer a client/a student of course they would not want to risk a move as they don't know if you complain to the boss!! Well in Prof case obviously so lucky that she's not going to be still a student - see even the timing is perfect for your feelings, Prof. I thought you were around 30 - so you are right, you are mature in mind.
Yes, by July/Aug there should be some developments with you two! I can't see myself meeting a new man within the next month (where would he come from?) and being sure about him as well, but you never know. I think I'd just love a little proper chat with the current guy - be it even disappointing (i.e. he tells me he's getting married - or there is something about him or out interaction that doesn't fit) or be it that we might just become friends. It's that feeling of not giving this a chance that I'm sad about - the not knowing if he would like me a lot if he got to know me, and not knowing him better. Just silly that I'm barred from that. Ideally I'd like some nice interaction - I'm not so crazed that it's all about sexual attraction, it's actually less that than being really interested in him as a person - and THEN either calming down about him / seeing him in a more prosaic/realistic way or getting the sparks mutually, whatever it is, and then going from there. But obviously he needs to want that interaction too - just socially of course, but I think he's too cautious and without knowing me well he can't risk it, he doesn't know how I'll behave if there is no positive result for me iykwim. I would absolutely be gracious, but he doesn't know that! So even if he is curious (and he looked at me with clear interest last time), this is unlikely to be string enough to take risks. I think moving on from my emotions without that chat will be just harder and slower.

Prof, were you not tempted to go into the cafe?? This was such a chance for a quick chat if he was alone/relaxed! God if I saw my guy like that, no wild horses or my own nerves would stop me! but of course I don't meet him often at all, whereas you do have other chances nearly daily..but still.

Muddle, are you anywhere near Prof or in the SE? (if you don't mind saying of course)

as usual, some words missing! tut

Prof is your DS better now? Definitely walk past that cafe at around that time again, it could be the perfect opportunity.

ThisIs I think his age is fine - no one would bat an eyelid if it was the other way around, would they? As you say, he is mature and motivated, I know plenty of men in their 40's that don't meet that description!

PG I live in Hampshire. I can totally understand you wanting to talk to him so that you can start to settle things in your head one way or another - the wondering drives you mad, doesn't it? When does his leave start?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Muddlewitch!

Thank you ThisIs

The kids brought me breakfast in bed and made me lovely cards etc, now I'm just off to work.

We can always count on our children to give us love when we need it. Have yourself a lovely day with moments, hopefully, of well deserved magic.