I've met someone and want to ask him out

[ProfessorPickles]

I've recently met someone who has really taken me by surprise. I've been single for around 3 years now, apart from a short relationship, and I'd had very little interest in men for a long time until I met him.

He's good looking but what got me by surprise is his personality, he's very smiley and has a great sense of humour. He makes me laugh and is a genuinely nice person. I haven't met someone who's even caught my eye for a long, long time so it's a little bit exciting!

The problem however, is that he's a teacher at my university. Not my teacher, but I have contact with him occasionally.
We are a similar age (I'm a slightly older student) and I will be leaving in 2 months so would wait until then.

I have no idea if he is interested in me too, but I can't believe I've had my head turned after so long of being adamant I was going to be happily alone forever so I feel it would be foolish to just ignore it.

My idea was to give him a 'thank you' card/gift as I am leaving (for helping with my work, I'll be giving them to two other members of staff) and put my number inside. I thought this would be good so he can choose to take it or leave it, as it's potentially a little bit inappropriate?
If he isn't interested he can simply ignore it to spare me the embarrassment of asking to his face! Although, I've known several teachers to get together with students once they've left so I suppose it isn't that radical of an idea.

Best case scenario: We go on a date, fall in love, get married, have children and tour the country with our family band.

Worst case scenario: He never contacts me and life goes on.

It's worth a try surely?

Also, I cannot believe this thread is over 700 posts!! What on earth!

It's lovely to see you here Prof!

I'm certain your tutor man has neither wife nor children, don't you fret about that. And, boo hoo to small children having the cheek to fall ill at inconvenient times.

Wednesdays in France is a no school day for primary children; secondary school only have lessons in the morning. All this means that I am busy rushing about like a taxi driver. I've just come back from the music school where I saw music tech man for 5 minutes (I could have seen him longer but needed to get some work done during my daughter's hour-long lesson.) He kissed me on the cheek, as you do in France, and told me he was disappointed when he found out we couldn't meet up this weekend. He urged me to come to the three-day festival and I said I wasn't sure what I was up to yet. He's checked his diary a fortnight on Saturday, when I'm next free, and was pleased to see he was free from 8pm after working. He works hugely long days usually but June is just ridiculous as there are so many concerts and festival.

I've been thinking about car mechanic so much today (not much more than usual, really! ) and I'm feeling a little sad and vulnerable. It's crazy how I can go from feeling a little confident to feeling completely despondent. And then, with each passing day I have a surge of anxiety that he's met someone else.

Is he thinking about me? Does he block me out of his mind? My friend, the guy I saw on Sunday who's my friend's partner, told me he must be fantasising about me. Typical of me; I cannot imagine him thinking I'm worth fantasising about!

Ahhh, I am so pathetic!

really, This? fantasising is the easiest thing, it's actually making a step to dating that's more significant. I wouldn't be especially flattered as men fanytasise a lot (women too but I think less so), but I would be is he actually did something about it - i.e. initiated or responded to my initiative. See, if you asked him out, yo uwouldn't have to wonder and torture yourself! you'll know one way or the other and move on from there! when is that Jag back?
Sorry if I went on too much about the French yesterday, I hope you are not displeased about it, I as curious which national character you identify more with.
Prof, that was such a perfect opportunity to go and chat (in a cafe), could yo not spare at least 10min to do it? Not sure if you meant you were parked right outsidethe cafe. But at least you know that he goes there, and note the time - maybe it's his habit so you can use that knowledge!.

as I said, it's both the friend in RL andthe thread that helped - the friend is not available on the phone or spontaneously on email and sometimes yo just need to talk and be supported a bit, and these threads are great for that.

This, not sure if you've already mentioned it, but does the teacher guy know that you see him as a friend? It sounds to me that he is treating it as going on a date with you - not sure if it's the right thing to mislead him into thinking you were interested? Or do you mean you might get interested in him? I'd focus on one man at a time tbh, imagine if the mechanic sees you out with the teacher who you are not even interested in, and that will then be a mountain to climb! Of course if you were to decide that mechanic is too 'dangerous' then it's good to go out socially with men but it's best to be honest with him that you don't see it as dates.

Of course j wasn't in the slightest bit offended LovePGtips! I really really like reading your posts! Once the children are in bed I'll be back to respond more at length.

I'm feeling a bit low today. It's normal, I guess. We can't be all happiness and light all the time! This Friday it'll be 2 weeks since he picked up the Jag. I completely understand that it'll be done when it's done and he's not the one who decides what gets done when. It's just this long silence/absence which does me no god. I just get all negative and anxious. Like Prof last week.

Woe is me.

Good not god!

Plus there was the promise of a god translation job yesterday but the guy has a friend who's offered to do it for him, for free probably. I love getting stuck I to a new project and u was feeling lucky that this potential job simply landed in my love. Pride comes before a fall.

Aghhhh! Typo mistakes galore! Sorry!

I've just read your last comment dear LovePGtips! Don't worry I really am not the type to mislead men. I'm too bloody kind for that! The music tech guy is the one coming up with the whole 'I'm not interested in dating' thing. I promise. He's playing the let's go out as friends game so I'm not stringing him along.

The city I live in is big and the music school is way out on the other side of the river, along the motorway, some twenty minutes from the village where the garage is.

My heart is tied up with my car mechanic but I really like the music man and feel I need to protect myself but not becoming obsessed (ok, I already am) about car mechanic guy. I need to stay open to my friends, both old and new to stay sane.

Am I making sense?

Do you know, LovePGtips, Muddle, Prof and all you other lovely, patient people, this thread has been a lifesaver for me. I've never had such a friendly and nonjudgemental bunch of MN posters as on this thread. So thank you to you all and a huge thank you to Prof for allowing me initially to gatecrash her thread.

PGtips, I don't have a clue as to whether I'm more French than English. It's a very good question but all my life the two have been intermeshed. I think, because I've been living in France for so long now I like to think the English side of me is stronger; it balances things out for me. The opposite would surely be the case were I to live in England.

My sense of humour is most certainly British! Hurrah! I love our sense of humour and don't always find the French one funny.

I haven't been out with an English man for years and years so I have completely lost touch with how that used to go communication/seduction-wise. Yes, the French are very charming! A few weeks ago I was in Paris, in my old neighbourhood and I went into a designer shop (Nathalie Garçon) and bought something which was on sale. The owner of the shop, this good-looking man (typical French looks, I think) completely charmed the pants off me. It was all there; the compliments, the hand touching, the questions about myself, etc. He asked me for my email address which I gave him. It turns out he is quite a famous actor - Patrick Massiah - (look him up) and the longterm partner of the designer Nathalie Garçon. It didn't stop him from sending me a few email and fortunately I was completely clinical about the whole episode. He is the quintessential French seducer. And there are many of them and most of them are in longterm relationships and think nothing of bedding women right, left and centre.

You are more than welcome to gate crash, anyone is it keeps the thread going and gives me someone else's problems to think about to distract me from thinking about him! It makes me feel less foolish too for thinking about him so much

Sorry to hear you aren't feeling as positive as you have been, but like you say we can't be happy all of the time. Especially when it's been so long since you've last seen him! It makes you start to doubt what you thought was there doesn't it?

I must say I agree about us being a lovely bunch I get fed up of posters twisting words etc and being dramatic or flaming people at the drop of a hat. Everyone has been so understanding and positive and it's helped me so much!

It's a big shame we live so far apart because I'd love to have a meet up once the thread is over, if it will ever end that is

Do you find you go from one extreme to another Prof; super excited to down in the dumps?

One day I think I'm sure he's affected in a similar way and then the next I'll think I'm making a complete fool of myself.

If I ever do see him again I'm wondering whether I should ask him gently whether he thinks it would be a good idea if we had a chat sometime?

haha This, we are all 'already obsessed' on this thread (well the three of us at least) so that's no news! Luckily both yourself and Prof can afford being obsessed for a little while more as you aer both bound to find out soon if anything is going to happen, and you are IN the process. I need to start moving away from mine, but it's not easy at all - I was thinking today, this man has a month and a half break coming up in his usually very busy work schedule - isn't it a huge clue that it's because they are getting married and going on holiday?! It would be gutting for me (irrationally) but in a way this kind of thing would really act like nothing else to stop hoping/obsessing.
Prof no I would bot think 'what have ever seen in him' because he genuinely has a lot going for him, both talent/achievements and to me the personal spark. I had such thoughts about others but those usually lasted as a short crush, weeks/a couple of months.

This, oh yes, if you are both clear about being friends, definitely makes sense - as I say, meeting up with my friend (male) last week really helped to stop being so intense when I was hitting a low - apart from this thread, so being social helps. I'm also really glad that we are so non-judgemental and patient with each other on here.

A meet up would be absolutely possible and ever so slightly crazy, which makes it all the more appealing Prof. Whatever the outcome!

LovePGtips, I really, really feel your pain about this guy of yours. Listen, laugh away at me but I hate Fridays come end of the afternoon because I know the garage is closed for a whole bloody weekend and that car mechanic is not down the road from me. Bloody insane. All that to say I completely get how sad and empty you might feel about yours being away for so, so long.

Maybe you should trust in life and think that this is all for a good reason? Maybe an absolutely fabulous guy is waiting round the corner but your current one needs to be off the scene for you to be free in your head?

Maybe you can kick me and tell me to shut up!

I think many other posters would have ripped my self-indulgent rants to shreds by now so I'm hugely grateful to you all.

Music tech guy is paradoxical in his reasoning but I'm simply playing the game according to his rules which suit me. And yes, feeling a vulnerable I need to have my mind taken off things just like you last week. I wish you and I could go out for a drink and have a good laugh.

I'm wondering whether I should ask him gently whether he thinks it would be a good idea if we had a chat sometime

Oh My God, at last! finally, This , you are coning round to our way of thinking! Definitely do that if you can't suggest having a drink together to him. I suppose a chat over a drink is always easier haha.

Bloody ace LovePGtips! You make me laugh!

How are you feeling this evening?

yes, we could meet up eventually, Prof, even This is up for it being in France - and I'm much nearer to you already.

This thank you for your compassion. I feel very self indulgent ranting on, I'd say it's normal for you t oindulge, even it's good after your divorce and now a gorgeous man appearing on the scene. It's a little bit of a torture sometimes but admit it also makes you happy!
Yes, I'm fully accepting that there is someone suitable for me other than him - I'd be glad if he appeared as I definitely would not be blind to it, I want a relationship. I even met up with someone last week but no spark - it s only because he was not right, I would respond to the right one as chances aer minute with this guy. I haven't been on his social media deliberately, but I will go and look tomorrow because if the wedding is coming in June, there is likely to be info or hints about it - I have to take a deep breath and be prepared because if so I want to know sooner rather than later. But being so unusual for him, I think it may well be this as I can't see why would he have such a long break otherwise. I sort of forgot about it after I saw him last time due to the gase - but today it suddenly dawned on me!

garage being close for weekends and you feeling more of a distance is sweet, just shows how tuned in you are to him. I think he'd be over the moon/incredulous if he knew that!

*gaze

Have you heard anything at all to suggest they might be getting married PG or is it just a guess?

Any more potential men/dates on the horizon?

Wahoo, we've got her PG! Yes This get him asked to have a chat, make a move!! that's what we like to hear!

A meet up would be excellent! It would be bizarre wouldn't it, we will be referring to eachother in person as PG, This and Prof and people will give us weird stares

Do you have plans to come over any time this year This?

And in answer to your post a bit further down This (this thread moves so much faster than I can keep up with, I'm always shocked when I come back and there's 8 new posts) I definitely do the highs and the lows. One minute I'm convinced he feels the same as me and I'm so excited to reel him in and then the next minute I'm a foolish woman who's seen someone attractive and made up some fantasy and feel like I'm second guessing his actions. For example one minute when he was holding my hands to help me with what I'm doing I get excited thinking he wanted an excuse to touch me, then the next day I feel he was thinking "look at this idiot, she can't do it. I'll have to show her"
We are insane, it is true.