I've met someone and want to ask him out

[ProfessorPickles]

I've recently met someone who has really taken me by surprise. I've been single for around 3 years now, apart from a short relationship, and I'd had very little interest in men for a long time until I met him.

He's good looking but what got me by surprise is his personality, he's very smiley and has a great sense of humour. He makes me laugh and is a genuinely nice person. I haven't met someone who's even caught my eye for a long, long time so it's a little bit exciting!

The problem however, is that he's a teacher at my university. Not my teacher, but I have contact with him occasionally.
We are a similar age (I'm a slightly older student) and I will be leaving in 2 months so would wait until then.

I have no idea if he is interested in me too, but I can't believe I've had my head turned after so long of being adamant I was going to be happily alone forever so I feel it would be foolish to just ignore it.

My idea was to give him a 'thank you' card/gift as I am leaving (for helping with my work, I'll be giving them to two other members of staff) and put my number inside. I thought this would be good so he can choose to take it or leave it, as it's potentially a little bit inappropriate?
If he isn't interested he can simply ignore it to spare me the embarrassment of asking to his face! Although, I've known several teachers to get together with students once they've left so I suppose it isn't that radical of an idea.

Best case scenario: We go on a date, fall in love, get married, have children and tour the country with our family band.

Worst case scenario: He never contacts me and life goes on.

It's worth a try surely?

I am going to reply, eventually

I was just thinking about you Prof! Great minds think alike.

And a huge wave and grateful grin for LovePGtips and Muddle for having my back.

I'll be back later to check up on you all.

ps It's been raining constantly for two days now....

Right, here I am!!

I must apologise for being so absent on the thread. I'm under a lot of stress at the minute and I have a health issue (I won't bore you with the details) that is made worse by stress so I'm struggling with that. I'm too tired to focus on anything.

ThisIs- I had a read of what that poster said further down and I know it's much easier said than done but ignore her!! What a load of nonsense.
I know a couple who have around a 20 year age gap, the woman being the older one. And they've been together for years and have a family together. She definitely sounds like a woman scorned, how can she be so bloody certain?!
Unfortunately, you get 1000 votes of confidence and 1 negative comment seems to outweigh all the good. Seems to just be how it works unfortunately!
Sorry to hear about the rain, I bet you're fed up of it!

Muddle- it is so difficult at university with a small child isn't it? It's nice to hear of someone who understands! There are other mums but their children are all aged 9-21. DS is still young enough to have to be followed around the house constantly etc, with a 9 year old they are independent so I'm envious haha.
Hope you're well muddle!

How's everyone else doing? Well I hope!
I'm going to try bloody keep up for once my poor brain is frazzled at the minute.

I saw lovely tutor man today, we passed each other in the corridor again and he was rushing off but still made an effort to see how I am and how was my weekend etc which made me smile.
I told my male friend about the comments he made with the "hot" thing and the "only come to see me" etc and the hand holding. And his response was that he definitely fancies me, he was certain and was grinning to himself about it
My confidence is back up again!
Hoping this week is my opportunity to see him as most of the students are off this week but my course are still in so its quieter than usual.
I'm giddy!

This, the weather is absolutely miserable here and will stay that way a few days! very cold, not just raining, so we can compete on that.

I've read the other thread. I always love a debate on whether women can show initiative successfully (because I always want to do that). As you can see, some examples of LTR and marriages come from this, so you should pay attention to that, not just to one poster. I've agreed with one of the last posters that you should make the first step but them let him take over - I said that here too - so I think that's hte best advice for you too, This. You already did with the party but now you aer not sure it's happening, see if he asks and then gently see what he will do next, but don't shy away asking him to have a cofffee/drink if you feel it's rigt at that moment.
I want to make another comment, even if it's going to sound snobbish/stereotypical. It does depend a LOT on a place you are living and the culture of that place. You are in France! The French really have it in them, the TASTE, the subtlety yet passion when it comes to flirting and short term romances! The poster on the other thread sounds like she's from the North of England - or somewhere similar in culture - I know I'm generalising but it's the most chauvinistic place in the UK and lots of men are uncouth towards women ( the remarks he made!), the whole thing was very crude. I'm sure there are places in France that also have rough unsophisticated mentality, e,g. Marseille springs to mind, but I'm sure where you are it's very civilised and HE sounds intelligent and civilised. That guy was literally an uncouth idiot and I'm amazed that a woman would be affected to the point of breakdown (what??) by this one episode of one encounter really - I know you are too sophisticated to be affected like that. So please don't compare. I'm sorry for the poster on that thread, though she's now got her nice DH so all is well, but her environment used to be miles away from yours and she obviously felt fragile/vulnerable.

Prof please don't apologise for your absence! you've been away for TWO days! we aer happy to be discussing our own troubles when you aer having a break.
Everyone on here is positive about your situation too - even more than with This who at least have valid concern re age gaps/his lower status etc. Obviously you want more out o it than This who wants a fun but romantic fling, but still thre is really nothing in your way once you leave hte course, it's purely down to your mutual interest, no barriers hat This has to an extent. And it does look (and always has since thread started) that he is attracted - one last question is whether he'd wnt an actual relationship. Good luck for this week!

*at least has concerns

Only two days?! It feels much longer that's not so bad then, I thought it was about a week haha.
Yes, at least you have lots to talk about while I'm away which is good

I'm really looking forward to hearing about the next instalment of This' mechanic man. We all need a happy ending to this thread!

Thank you for wishing me good luck, I bloody well need it I'm saying bloody a lot today aren't I?

I think your situation may progress sooner than This's as she doesn't see him often AND she said she wouldn't ask him out so we have to hope that he does that! I don't mean actually you going on a date, but maybe a progress in terms of promising chat with him - you are braver and your situation is much more straight-forward. So we are all waiting!

I'm curious, do you act giddy when you talk to him? or do you control it well, Prof?

Yay!! I am absolutely delighted to read your update Prof! And very happy you are feeling giddy and upbeat once more. I agree with PGtips that your situation is much clearer with more potential than mine and I am one hundred per cent rooting for you.

I've gone all giddy too now.

Last time I saw car mechanic man I was giddy (we both were! ). It was the first time I lost control of my cool, calm and collected facade; possibly because I wasn't seeing him at his workplace, even though it was for a work related thing. It was a lovely feeling!

Happy sigh for Prof!

Interesting thoughts about cultural differences PGtips. I see where you are coming from. (To be honest, I didn't both responding to that poster's last comment addressed to me; it really didn't seem worth it in my books. I don't want to judge but she sounded quite excessive in her response. Nothing like that has every happened to me and I'm going to bloody well ensure nothing ever does.) The French are latin and perhaps more hotblooded than the Brits but there is a huge difference between the two in terms of communication; the British are much more spontaneous and superficially friendly than the French. Everyone here sees me as someone who is outgoing, affectionate, tactile and enthusiastic. I come across as super positive and this is just not the way the average French person behaves. For info, my mother's French and my dad's English and they did a great job of raising us bilingually in England. I've always been aware of cultural differences. In contradiction with this, however, the French are much more expressive of their anger and frustration than the British who might grumble but don't go into great displays of heated indignation. Finally, there is a great sense of protocol here in France. One tends to have to fit into the box and to respect the rules. They are so very good about theories and philosophy but not so good at the down to earth practical side of life.

PLEASE forgive my oversimplification of things. I have been living here for over eighteen years and have moved around a bit. It is true that the French are very good at the whole seduction/romantic thing but tend to stay in their marriages and have affairs. I think it's all about the whole Catholic/deeply rooted family thing...

Continuing on...

Having always been into intellectual/artistic types - and still am - I feel the strong need to hang out with manual, more down to earth types. Hence car mechanic man. Mostly, I think, because the French are so theoretical and all about the fine nuances of conversation and ideas. All that is really great but, I REALLY need to indulge in a bit of straightforward, simple thinking.

Some of you might remember me writing a couple of weeks ago about a man, whom I have known for around seven years, who works at one of the music schools my children have attended. We had this really lovely conversation with lots of laughter and honesty and whilst he told me clearly that none of the woman who asked him out were attractive to him he insisted on the fact that he would very much like me to invite him out next time I went out for a drink. Bizarre, right?

A few months ago he had told me that should I want some help with repairs etc. in my home I could give him a call to which I responded that was very kind but he lived forty minutes away from me! He replied at the time that it was no problem. This man is around my age, has been through a divorce and has a really, really interesting job (with very long hours). I would like to have him as a friend. Anyway, since I am child-free this weekend I sent him a message this morning asking him whether he was free for a drink this weekend. He wrote back at lunchtime that he would truly love to but he was working every day until 1am on Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights at the city's street music festival. He then invited me to come to the festival and see him and said that it would have made him happy to have a drink with me to get out of his little world.

Quite frankly, I'm grateful for his respectful answer after seeing some of the weird and downright offensive described on some of the dating threads.

No news from the Jag yet which really, truly doesn't bother me. I know it'll get done and since I have the children with me all the time I'm in no hurry for mechanic man to come round yet.

I'm still completely giddy about him but I see the importance of staying in control. I want to feel I have the power to decide what I do. Last time, even though I was nervy and excited, I was the one calling the shots and it felt good.

I would NOT do this (perhaps when I was younger, yes) but the indignant part of me would like to ask him something provocative along the lines of: 'What are you playing at? What's the point of playing games with me? Is it to boost your confidence or to have a laugh at me?' He definitely gets quite silent with me (tongue-tied?) and part of me would like to provoke a reaction without being aggressive about it, of course, just to get him to speak.

I really needed to get that out, ladies. I'm all for playing the patience game but sometimes my British side just wants to be clear and not mince my words!

I feel like ThisIs actually has more potential! Or equal at least, I just feel like ThisIs will just have fewer occasions to make contact but the party is so exciting. An entire evening with him around! With alcohol! I'd love that

I don't think I act giddy around him no, when I first see him I find it hard to know what to say cause I'm a little nervous but then I quickly relax. I've been told many a time that I have an excellent poker face and you can't tell I'm nervous!
After a while we laugh a lot and joke etc so that could come across as a little giddy? But it's reciprocated

It's a wonderful feeling after an encounter isn't it ThisIs? I really was grinning from ear to ear for ages afterwards the last time we had a proper conversation, I'd have looked crazy had anyone seen me!
He seems to be around my end of the building all the time lately helping out other staff members so an opportunity may arise, I hope.

Very interesting to hear your insight into the cultural differences ThisIs, it's not something I had considered as of yet! Your differences may be very appealing to him

What are you thinking about the friend at the festival, do you think you'll make another attempt to see him? I remember you mentioning him in the past! If anyone ever asks me on a date I tend to go just to see how I feel because I remember my mum once telling me that she didn't fancy my dad at all when they first met and they're coming up to 30 years of happy marriage. So even if you're feeling like you'd like to just be friends it's an excellent base to build from! Even though I'm aware you've said you're not sure you're ready for anything serious any time soon!

I like the idea of asking him outright, I'm just waiting for an opportunity to do it myself
It's a bit of fun and a social experiment rolled into one. I love to put people on the spot in a lighthearted teasing kind of way just to see how they respond to it!
Go for it I say! Get the ball rolling

Get the ball rolling I like that Prof and it's so good to see you are back to your upbeat go-get-it self! I am chomping at the bit here and looking forward to seeing what sort of contact you instigate with your man.

So, you think a provocative (gentle) question would be a good thing? Hmm, maybe. I can play games like the best of them but, bloody hell, I do get fed up with all that rubbish after a while. Surely the rather blatant example I gave above is far to extreme, no?

A wrote, yesterday I think, that I'm not sure about the party. It's tricky to find a date which suits all our friends and I only have the children on alternate weekends which narrows down possibilities further still. There will be a party at some point, maybe early July? Plus, there will be loads of kids too and I really cannot see things warming up with this guy in the company of my children.

So, what to do.....

Yes I think you definitely should give him a little nudge in the right direction! It might give him the confidence to be more forward with you. I think that example is a little much yes, but a bit of gentle teasing would work wonders I feel!

I'm feeling so excited for both of us, I would love to be a fly on the wall when you're chatting to mechanic man there's nothing nicer than mutual attraction, especially when it's 'hidden'.

I must have missed the part about the party being delayed, what a shame! I understand what you mean about having the children around etc, I suppose you can't relax as much for example and it makes it less appropriate. Would there be an opportunity for you to have an adults only type get together at any stage?
How old are your children This, I'm not sure I have asked you before or not?

Me eldest is twenty (and stunning and hugely bright and I am very proud of her even more so because he father disappeared and never returned when she was two years old but it hasn't stopped her from being amazing) and my son is twelve (adorable) and my youngest daughter is six (adorable too )

A party without the children would be absolutely possible but with everything they have been through - their relationship with their father, who left a year ago, is not good - I would feel disloyal organising one without them. My son adores it when we have parties and that seems to be a priority for me right now... although my personal life is becoming more and more vital to my wellbeing these days.

In answer to your question before, I'll probably see music school guy tomorrow and yes, I'm not against fixing another night out when the moment is right. He's a good guy, I think. I'm all for keeping my options open even though my body and mind are taken up with somebody else.

The physical attraction/tension was so strong when we saw each other last time. It's magical, isn't it? That other poster has put doubts in my head though. She's belittled my situation and I wonder if my guy is just playing me as she heavily implied.

Oh how nice! They sound absolutely lovely and you sound like a very proud mum ThisIs
I imagine if I have any more children they will have age gaps similar to your children, especially between my DS and the next child I have!

I can definitely understand why you'd feel disloyal, that wouldn't be fair at all especially if they love to be at the parties! I always enjoyed my parents parties growing up
Would it be a possibility to have the kids around until a certain time and then they can go settle down for bed etc?
I used to spend time socialising with my mum and dads friends etc then eventually get bored or tired and go watch TV before bed then various drunken friends or relatives would keep coming in to make sure I was ok and babble on about allsorts to me, it was highly amusing!

That's great that you're going to go see him, from what you've told us he does sound very nice indeed. I completely get the being a little unsure because your head is elsewhere, I was asked on a date the other week and felt almost guilty for having my mind elsewhere. I didn't end up going on the date for another reason but I did feel a bit of guilt.

I know it's really soppy and awful but I keep listening to love songs lately and watching soppy romantic films which isn't like me at all
A song I keep listening to a lot is 'Magnetised' by Tom O'Dell, it's kind of sad and about unrequited love but it makes me happy for some reason. I'm turning into a gushy mess!
I'm dying for someone to cuddle with and kiss, which again, really is out of character for me and of course there is only one person on my mind!

Prof, yes you must have missed the news about the party being unlikely! AND This has said that she is not going to ask him out! That's why I say that your situation is much more straight-forward and likely to get positive results - unless of course the mechanic steps up and asks her out sooner than you have progress with the tutor. You are going to ask the tutor out - and he is showing all the signs of liking you, in fact you never know he might be also planning to ask you out. Also you and him aer equal in many ways, whereas with This the guy is feeling unconfident and has her on a pedestal, yet she still would n't want to ask him out (which Muddle and I find frustrating!)

This, haha no don't ask him why is he playig games! I don't think he is at all - he may think you ar toying with him by encouraging but he might be hopeful now htat you invited him to the party. He really doesn't know what he can honestly offer you as a special woman, he can't just presume you want a fun fling - so he's waiting for you to tell him basically whether you want something with him or not - and what it is. I know it's never that simplistic and he knows it, but basically he's waiting for you to make a move. You could tease him a bit though - I have to think a bit for some suggestions. At least it's better than not doing anything!

btw This, could you tell us approx how old is he? I mean at least, in his 20s or is it 30s? makes a bit of difference to his mentality I think.

I forgot to add in my last post, that I definitely don't think he will be playing games. That silly poster has got into your head! I think if he was playing games he'd come across extremely forward and overly flirty etc. because it would be a game so he wouldn't hold back I feel. He sounds very respectful and kind towards you This.

PG - I would love nothing more than for him to ask me out first, it'd be lovely. I'd like it if I went in with the card with my number in and he just asked me, then I'd just say "open the card" smooooth.

Still following with baited breath, haha!

You've mentioned twice now that he's working in your area a lot recently. He may well be trying to see you, in the same way you kept walking past his class room.

Love is in the air ...... !!!

Peebles, I am feel like I'm going to burst with excitement and anticipation this evening. It keeps popping into my mind and I get butterflies
Love is definitely in the air at my end, I hope so much that he feels the same!

I could definitely be thinking too much into it, but he was peeking through my rooms door at university as I came round the corner and said he was looking for someone, but I'd just seen them go the other way. He could have been taking a detour, but was probably just genuinely looking for them damn! Haha.

It feels weird to think he's going about his life, maybe sat watching something on the TV and here I am on a big thread about his every move with strangers analysing his behaviour and discussing his intentions

Maybe he's on hot-tutorsnet doing the same?
"I saw Pickles today, she smiled at me. Should I propose immediately?!"
And then all the other sexy teachers speculate about my smile and what it REALLY meant

Haha, actually yes - that is hilarious!! If things work out DO NOT show him this thread until you have a ring on your finger!! Hee hee. He'd run a mile!!

Sounds hopeful about peeking in your classroom though