I've met someone and want to ask him out

[ProfessorPickles]

I've recently met someone who has really taken me by surprise. I've been single for around 3 years now, apart from a short relationship, and I'd had very little interest in men for a long time until I met him.

He's good looking but what got me by surprise is his personality, he's very smiley and has a great sense of humour. He makes me laugh and is a genuinely nice person. I haven't met someone who's even caught my eye for a long, long time so it's a little bit exciting!

The problem however, is that he's a teacher at my university. Not my teacher, but I have contact with him occasionally.
We are a similar age (I'm a slightly older student) and I will be leaving in 2 months so would wait until then.

I have no idea if he is interested in me too, but I can't believe I've had my head turned after so long of being adamant I was going to be happily alone forever so I feel it would be foolish to just ignore it.

My idea was to give him a 'thank you' card/gift as I am leaving (for helping with my work, I'll be giving them to two other members of staff) and put my number inside. I thought this would be good so he can choose to take it or leave it, as it's potentially a little bit inappropriate?
If he isn't interested he can simply ignore it to spare me the embarrassment of asking to his face! Although, I've known several teachers to get together with students once they've left so I suppose it isn't that radical of an idea.

Best case scenario: We go on a date, fall in love, get married, have children and tour the country with our family band.

Worst case scenario: He never contacts me and life goes on.

It's worth a try surely?

No you need one minute and just get it straight in there "Hey, i'm leaving in a few weeks but wondered if you fancy grabbing a drink with me when the course ends?" smile and wink. hehe

Ohh what is it bees?!

Are you there now? Go find him!

I'm home now, he'll next be in on Thursday!

Grabbing him and asking feels a little bit too forward as we haven't had a decent conversation in weeks now. Eep!
I'm not sure I could pull off a suggestive wink, it'd look more like I had something in my eye

Also, would you not be worried they daren't say no if you asked to their face?
That's my worry! That I'll catch him unaware and he'll automatically say yes so as not to be rude or hurt my feelings, I'm sure I've done it before

I don't know if I knew I was going to marry my DH when I met him but there was a huge attraction there. I was already engaged to someone else and got in the car to drive home and knew that I had to end it - if I could be that attracted to someone else, I couldn't really be that into my fiance.

It worked out in the end I suppose!

You need his number or to add him on Facebook or similar. This is so much easier via text

whisky nothing exciting! just a work contact but someone who's much more senior than me and we wouldn't have met except for these extraordinary circumstances. so he suggested we keep in touch and because I didn't have my business card on me, he wrote his email on a piece of newspaper.

I did however send him an email after I typed this note out, so...! :)

one thing I've learnt from all these years and all the networking that I've done is that it's easier to strike when the iron is hot - so after a meeting, if truly interested (be it professional or personal), then it really makes sense to write an email or a follow up of some sort to say how much you enjoyed meeting that person. where relevant, to also follow up with a proposed new meeting.

Sure I've done it before, as in someone has asked me and I've said yes when I wasn't that keen out of politeness!

Dokey - has your username got anything to do with Ned Flanders? it's all I can think of when I see your name!

It sounds like it definitely worked out in the end

Bees - well done on writing your email! It's good to keep in touch with people you like, even if it's only professionally. This thread has come in handy after all

There was instant attraction between my husband and I when we met; I was his in-company trainer in Paris (student/teacher relationships are great ). It was very passionate. Married one year later, our DS born shortly after.

OK, we are divorcing now but I truly believe my husband has taken a turn for the worst in the past couple of years so no relation with our initial, instant attraction. Interestingly, my therapist told me that there is often a correlation between a passionate beginning and a passionate ending to a relationship. Love turns into hate, and all that. This, of course, has nothing to do with Prof's situation!

LovePGtips, I was on the phone to a friend today and was recounting my Friday evening car mechanic situation. She listened and responded in a slightly deadpan voice 'well, it's up to him to make the next move now'. Her tone implied that she couldn't see it happening.

Isn't it funny how one person can cast a dampener on things? Obviously, I shouldn't, and won't, let her perspective get me down. But this talk of striking whilst the iron is hot from bees makes me wonder if he and I should keep the momentum going? Should I wait to see if he makes the first move? Of course, a man will go after a woman he really likes but as I have repeated often enough here he may well have cause for concern with my current situation.

Agggghhh! Actually, this is all good fun, isn't it?

I like Whisky2014 cheering Prof on from the sidelines!

Perhaps we should start up a cheerleader thing?

You mentioned him being available as your tutor if there's anything you need help with - couldn't you come up with something that you need one to one with? Apologies if that's already been suggested.

Also, I met my DH, he asked me to marry him within 4 weeks, engaged formally 4 weeks later, married 18 months later. Still married - 25 years. So these things definitely do happen!

I wouldn't worry too much about him meeting someone else over these few weeks. I've a feeling you've hooked him - you just need to reel him in!

Peebles, this is a young thing though - being so spontaneous and sure of yourselves - you wre probably in your 20s when you met? I'm not worried either that he actually meets someone else - but it is best to keep bumping into him even just to be in his sight, or even better if Prof can talk to him. We juts don't know for sure whether he's just enjoying the flirting or if he's up for dating Prof. He may be even dating someone already but we hope he is either single or not in a serious relationship.

This, well I think she meant that now you've suggested the party it was your first move, and it sort of stops you doing anything else until he responds with his move. That's why I was suggesting being more direct offering him a drink - that you don't need to wait till the party but also that he might become more brave and more direct if you've just offered him a drink (or to go out). BUT I undersatand that you don't want to rush so again, it's about your comfort level. Another option - she's jealous haha!

Prof, I agree that asking him out face to face is not good as he may just be polite with a 'yes' - but you could ask and then add 'let me know later on' so that gives him a chance to decline. If he's keen though, he'd just say yes, and possibly that he is pleased you will be no longer a student haha!
With that strong gut instinct feeling though - it's so great when it works, but equally makes you feel completely stupid when you feel it but then nothing happens (if a man turns out not to be single and /or not interested), as you can guess that's what's likely to happen to me with 'my' guy. In your case though, it's not just your feeling, it's the fact you get on, have similar humour anda lot in common, and he flirts with you!

Thanks LovePGtips! She told me she'd had two bad nights' sleep and also she was relating her past experience with a guy who kept flirting with her (before she got married) but who never took a proper first step to starting a relationship with her.

I think that, come what may, this mutual attraction thing has put me in touch with a side of myself which has been pretty much dormant for a few years. I'm hankering after a young, vibrant, dynamic guy who is reliable and, thanks to him, I'm getting more in touch with my young, energetic side. It's a great feeling.

How are you feeling about this guy of yours LovePGtips?

oof This don't ask, I feel I have no right to discuss it even as he's not single. I feel very strongly, I wish we had a NORMAL friendly chat sometime one to one (I mean in a public place) so - as other say about these crushes - so that I can see him as he actually is more and that make me coold down a bit, instead of only havign that public image of his where he's at his best. But I don't feel I can ask. Either this chat needs to happen soon, or MUST move on mentally - I can't face the summer mooning over him, it's been months already. Also I'm not going to see him after early June for months, whereas so far there wre some chances. It really is that moment you mentioned before that something needs to happen, even if to get me to snap out, or i must go cold turkey from June.
Yes, I was interetsted to read how he is not usual type. Artistic men are a nightmare tbh! He sounds intelligent and capable but refreshingly straight-forward and manly - who wants a man with tantrums really! I wonder if you usually went for guys who aer not tall - you aer tall yourself - you mention he's tall as if it's different from others. I haev this tendency to, to be attarcted to non-tall men whileI'm tall bt then always feel awkward and less confident as if it's my fault that I'm tall. I do like tall men sometimes, but less often. Taller men just feel so much more relaxing/comfortable to be next to, and you bever feel like you'd be motherign them (unlike with many artistic ones!)

*and that may make me cool down a bit (here we go again)

I mean if he's a tall and lanky artistic guy you may end up mothering him, but not the strong type your mechanic is.

needless to say, This, that eye-contact last week when he wasn't looking away in a hurry, and by the end bordering on flirty, is not helping me to snap out, for now! But I think he possibly just likes the attention, that's all.

LovePGtips, I really empathise with your situation. And I totally understand the strong need to have a chat with the man in question (I had an overwhelming need to do the same a couple of weeks ago) so that you can put him in context and get an insight into what he's truly like. In my case I needed to dispel the fantasy.

Hmmm, that didn't work. I'm still in fantasy mode.

And the eye-contact thing you had last week? Oh dear! It's a potent signal. Is this guy deeply attracted to you or attracted and enjoying the power of flirting with you? I know you've answered that in your last comment but looking back on your interactions with him what are your feelings? Are you sure he's happy in his current relationship? I can imagine how I'd be feeling in your shoes. Bloody torture! I'd almost want to speak out and tell him it's not fair to flirt when he's with somebody. I know it's considered to be a harmless game but to mind that's not true in every case. You are a case in point and I would be the same I think.

Again, you are very insightful about the tall men thing. My husband was slightly shorter than I am and yes, I did feel less confident in a way. He claimed he didn't care in the slightest... Men in France, and women too for that matter, are not as tall as in England. I am 1.80. I'm often attracted to men regardless of their height but it is refreshing to have a man in my sight who is as tall as I am.

And yes, artistic men can be a bloody nightmare. Bloody attractive as long as you don't get involved in a longterm relationship.

ThisIs, sorry to hear your friend has put a dampener on things. How rubbish!
Don't worry about it though. Things are sounding really good at your end and hopefully there'll be more to come at the party! Will it be a family party with your children there etc?
It's nice to hear that meeting this man has made you feel younger and more energetic, that is so lovely. That makes it all worth it and I hope he continues to make you feel that way
I agree with PG that your friend could possibly be a little jealous. I also like her idea to see him before the party if possible, although June is only a week away so the party might be soon!

Peebles, there's nothing I'm afraid that I need him for and with it being so close to the end of the year I have a lot of important work to be doing unfortunately or else I'd be down there creating huge works that need two people
Wow! I can't believe how fast you moved, I imagine a lot of people would be quite judgey and negative about moving so fast, but clearly you were onto a winner and went for it! 25 years is fantastic, how lovely!
I hope you're right that I've already hooked him, just thinking about his smile makes me all gooey. Including now

PG, I would be gutted if I asked him and he went "no sorry I've got a girlfriend", that would really hurt me I think! I feel he's had ample opportunities to tell me if he did, so I'd feel a little deceived.
I hope that things go well with your guy, how often do you tend to see him?
With asking him to his face, I'd LIKE to think I could read whether he was genuine or not, but then of course being an over thinker, I'd be like "well he definitely seemed keen and up for it, but was that just as a friend or not..." overthinking is a curse.

Just catching up with these posts that have appeared whilst I was taking forever to type

Sorry, I'm confused! Who's the artistic man?