I've met someone and want to ask him out

[ProfessorPickles]

I've recently met someone who has really taken me by surprise. I've been single for around 3 years now, apart from a short relationship, and I'd had very little interest in men for a long time until I met him.

He's good looking but what got me by surprise is his personality, he's very smiley and has a great sense of humour. He makes me laugh and is a genuinely nice person. I haven't met someone who's even caught my eye for a long, long time so it's a little bit exciting!

The problem however, is that he's a teacher at my university. Not my teacher, but I have contact with him occasionally.
We are a similar age (I'm a slightly older student) and I will be leaving in 2 months so would wait until then.

I have no idea if he is interested in me too, but I can't believe I've had my head turned after so long of being adamant I was going to be happily alone forever so I feel it would be foolish to just ignore it.

My idea was to give him a 'thank you' card/gift as I am leaving (for helping with my work, I'll be giving them to two other members of staff) and put my number inside. I thought this would be good so he can choose to take it or leave it, as it's potentially a little bit inappropriate?
If he isn't interested he can simply ignore it to spare me the embarrassment of asking to his face! Although, I've known several teachers to get together with students once they've left so I suppose it isn't that radical of an idea.

Best case scenario: We go on a date, fall in love, get married, have children and tour the country with our family band.

Worst case scenario: He never contacts me and life goes on.

It's worth a try surely?

Hello LovePGtips!

I've always known that he was attracted to me - intense eye locking, blushing, big smiles, etc. - but his self-control at work, although admirable, put doubts in my head.

I think our whisky evening got him thinking a little, maybe, because when he arrived on Friday the electricity was more apparent. He took my hand spontaneously on arriving, as if to shake it, but as he was holding something in his right hand it reached out with his left hand, held mine for a few seconds, and we ended up walking hand in hand for a tiny bit.

When I asked him if he could please stop using the formal 'vous' form with me it got him all flustered, with lowered eyes and nervous laughter. It was so endearing! And then we locked eyes for a long time.

So, I don't know who was responding to whom. I suspect we were both responding in equal measures.

My friends universally clamoured that I should bloody well go for it and that if I didn't they would stride to the garage and give him a good talking to. Imagine that; a hairdresser reasoning with a car mechanic. I'd love to see that!

That's so lovely ThisIs, it all sounds so promising it definitely sounds like you are both on par, I'm so relieved his boss didn't come along. Him being here could've spoilt it in that you couldn't have chatted so much and then you might not have invited him along to your party!

There*

Thank you lovely Prof. Get your guy out of his office!

Whilst I am not in any rush for the next instalment of my (not very thrilling to others) attraction game - I like the slowness of it all as long as there's some progress - I do wonder how things will pan out. My hairdresser (bless him, I am so fond of him) said that I shouldn't let things impede me. 'Just put both your hands over his when he next arrives and you'll be sorted', he retorted.

Hmmm

well as you know, This, I'm with your friend on this - no need to be this cautious, but otoh you should feel comfortable - and you know best where your comfort level lies! It sounds though that he initiated all these body-language signs and you carefully followed, what I mean is it wasn't your initiative really - I think it works best this way tbh. I'm all for female initiative and I'm just not patient enough to wait when I really like someone BUT it usually doesn't work out well long term, whereas when I 've tried hard to get a bit (with some flirting) then it worked best. Men aer easily scared off by attention - but those I'm patient with are usually less attracted to - so that doesn't really long term either haha. I'm trying to learn to be patient withthose I like (not that it happens often).

*playing hard to get

urgh skipped some words again - just shows how impatient I am, my thoughts are too fast for the typing!

can you include a link to the photo, Prof? I can't see any images on MN.

I still maintain that women orchestrate situations for men LovePGtips. I've most certainly done that in the past and have to some point done things here: getting him to pick up the Jag is an case in point.

I don't feel comfortable with asking a man out. It is so difficult to know what to do. A few men have kindly posted her on Mumsnet that men like a woman to take the initiative but we have to be direct and clear otherwise the poor man has no idea what's going on.

I'm just hoping that being braver about my body language is going to move things along a bit here. I prefer doing it that way than using verbal language. Communication is supposed to be so important in any relationship. I do think, however, that talking directly to a man in such early stages can perhaps kill the vibe.

Any thoughts?

A

Agghhh! Typos galore! Sorry.

http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/img-thing?.out=jpg&size=l&tid=109414230

That's the link PG, I hope it works!

ThisIs, I'm really unsure about the woman being direct killing vibes. I'm not experienced enough in that area I'm afraid! However, I'd like to think that if you're both interested then it wouldn't make a difference who made the first move. I feel like most people, men or women, would be chuffed for someone they like to make a move.
However, I know bugger all about relationships
But my gut instinct is that no it won't matter if he's already interested, which it really sounds like he is!

thanks, Prof - it really suits her (don't know who it is), and I agree you need a pretty face, especially a pretty profile. Also setting the hair up at the front is not easy - a lot of gel/spray? but does look great on the right person.

This interesting you saying it kills the vibe - can you explain why? I've asked men out before though never to their face as I'm not that brave, but quite a few times via text or a note or on the phone (once - it was absolutely nerve-wrecking but he did say yes - haven't worked for other reasons). I wasn't successful because ALL of fthen bar two turned out to be not single. The two I explain by too big an age gap one much younger, one older but also they wre quite different whe naway from their work environmant where I met them. I don't think it kills the vibe with the right person, as Prof says - the chemistry was there to start with, it's more that once we started talking in private some things wren't right - but I didn't know these men, whereas if you ask someone who you've talked to and built up flirting, then it shouldn't matter. The only thing I'd agree with you on this, is that it shouldn't continue as initiative from the woman after this first step - it should then be his turn - it's like giving him the chance and then seeing whether he takes it and steps up or not!

As to not knowing what to do - nothing special, just say to a man 'would you like a drink?' whether after work in a pub or if he happens to be in your house - or 'would you like to meet up for a coffee/lunch?' if you don't really know him and don't work together.

But having said that, of course the sl;ow and subtle way works really well too - if you have the patience AND if the man is a more traditional man, and your mechanic does sound like a traditionally manly type. My taste tends to be men who aer not macho, in fact I've been attracted to gay men even, or generally slightly softer ones (well, usually). It does really work best if he pursues you - but it doesn't always happen that he's in a position to - like indeed if you meet him at his workplace.

Good, positive words there, thanks Prof.

However;

He knew my future ex-husband, knows we are divorcing, knows he's turned into a rather horrible person but perhaps doesn't know that having a relationship with me, on any level, is ok whilst the divorce is pending. (First judgement was end of January and infidelity is not an issue here in France. He was unfaithful, not I.) Being fairly young maybe he doesn't know the 'rules'.

He obviously has a lot of respect for me; I am a client and older than he is.

He knows I have children.

Yes, the attraction is absolutely there and mutual but maybe the logistics make him cautious.

Oh bloody hell. Really, so much faffing for what could be a pretty wonderful, mutually beneficial experience.

I think all these typos we keep apologising for, are due to us being distracted by the men-thoughts, ha, at least it's a good excuse!

when is the divorce due to finalise, This? you could mention to him that it's soon (even if you don't know).

He's definitely acting most very protective of me and likes to help me out.

Oooh, interesting thoughts again from LovePGtips.

First, this guy of mine is completely different to my usual types. I like intellectual, artistic, slight framed, dark-haired men. They have to be bright.

I should add here that there has also been a lot of complicated relationships in my life as I am/was a passionate, intense woman drawn to passionate intense men. Well, it made for fireworks.

This guy? Oh my goodness. He has a body to die for, tall, and very virile. However, he also strikes me as being very considerate and sensitive. His mother raised five sons and I think she's done a good job as his brother seems a good sort too. He is also extremely good at his job and I've always admired people who work with their hands. And, perhaps just as importantly, he makes me feel safe.

It should be pointed out here that he is very different to my future ex husband.

When I was going on about killing the vibe by talking, I think what I meant to say is that in the early stages of attraction there is quite a lot of unspoken magic going on which, it seems to me, should be left to grow. Neither party has an obligation towards each other. If I, for example, initiated a conversation in which I asked him about how he was feeling, what was happening, what did he want, etc. I would feel afraid of cutting the magic off, or, 'killing the vibe'.

When I was younger I used to forge on ahead, fearless and reckless. I am in my forties now and more cautious.

BUT I think I really, really need to hear from people like you LovePGtips. I need to get shaken up a bit. I am afraid of putting pressure on a guy.

My husband left over a year ago, LovePGtips and I had to file for divorce first because my lawyer quickly realised that it was impossible to negotiate with him and he was hellbent on making my life unbearable. The first judgment was end of January and I had three months to wait before writing up the final divorce papers, which I did with my lawyer a month ago. She told me to expect the final judgment in six months.

And then I will throw a huge party!

It's Tuesday prof!!! Go for it!

thisis - I think it's always nice to feel attractive/feel attraction for another. And I'm so glad it sounds like it's reciprocated.

Good luck!

This morning I came in 30 minutes early to try catch him as he just came in and again it didn't bloody work! He wasn't about!
I ended up seeing the mutual friend I was going to ask about him to and we ended up going the same way and walking around together for a good 10 minutes and I thought "this is my chance to ask" and JUST as I was about to ask her, and luckily I chickened out the last second because he was around the bloody corner!!! He'd have heard

Didn't get chance to talk to him just said hello, I'm bloody disappointed haha. I feel shit now and unsure again. God I'm annoying haha

No, Prof, you are neither annoying nor shit!

Attraction plays havoc with our bodies and emotions.

I completely understand how you feel.

So, when's the next possibility of making contact with him again?

It gets to point, I find, when you simply have to do something about it. And then, if you are anything like me, you wonder how they manage to do without the contact if they feel the same attraction as you do.

I am fed up with it all ThisIs, I just don't know what to do now!
I suppose I will have to keep trying, then give the card anyway on the off chance. Trying to maintain the 'nothing to lose' frame of mind!

I might be able to see him on my way out but probably not with how it keeps going haha.

Even if he did want to see me and felt the same, we are in completely different ends of the building and have no reason to really cross paths anymore! I can't wait for this to be over now!

It is so bloody frustrating, right, Prof? It's enough to make you feel completely dejected and unenthusiastic about life in general. And then the next time you see him and you feel all those mutual good vibes you can feel on top of the world.

Can't you just force the moment; linger and wait by his office until he is available. Maybe pretext a 'I'm so stressed about the end of the year pressure and need to offload to a sympathetic ear'?

What do you think?

How much longer do you have before your all finish your course Prof?

I'm anxiously awaiting an update and I have butterflies waiting to hear how you get on!!!