I've met someone and want to ask him out

[ProfessorPickles]

I've recently met someone who has really taken me by surprise. I've been single for around 3 years now, apart from a short relationship, and I'd had very little interest in men for a long time until I met him.

He's good looking but what got me by surprise is his personality, he's very smiley and has a great sense of humour. He makes me laugh and is a genuinely nice person. I haven't met someone who's even caught my eye for a long, long time so it's a little bit exciting!

The problem however, is that he's a teacher at my university. Not my teacher, but I have contact with him occasionally.
We are a similar age (I'm a slightly older student) and I will be leaving in 2 months so would wait until then.

I have no idea if he is interested in me too, but I can't believe I've had my head turned after so long of being adamant I was going to be happily alone forever so I feel it would be foolish to just ignore it.

My idea was to give him a 'thank you' card/gift as I am leaving (for helping with my work, I'll be giving them to two other members of staff) and put my number inside. I thought this would be good so he can choose to take it or leave it, as it's potentially a little bit inappropriate?
If he isn't interested he can simply ignore it to spare me the embarrassment of asking to his face! Although, I've known several teachers to get together with students once they've left so I suppose it isn't that radical of an idea.

Best case scenario: We go on a date, fall in love, get married, have children and tour the country with our family band.

Worst case scenario: He never contacts me and life goes on.

It's worth a try surely?

btw I think your mutual friend should tell you whether he is generally a flirt or not!

That's what I was thinking, it hasn't crossed my mind to look him up and I don't think it would do any good even if I did. I'm not that keen on social media etc!

My plan is maybe, that if he did flirt and I asked him about it and he said yes for example. I could then suggest meeting up once I'd left? That's my cunning plan anyway

good for you to be independent-minded! so many people feel like they have to join in, I've resisted for a long time, then I ve tried it and now I'm cutting back - it's just so competitive out there!

It can be quite addictive can't it, I used to use Facebook a lot and now I just use it to have a quick browse occasionally but it's completely lost its appeal to me! Some people are unrecognisable online in comparison to who they are in real life

Lol. You are too kind. No I'm not attractive. I don't think I am. I did fall hard for that one. It couldn't have worked out. I was married (still am). Didn't have kids then though.

The others, I'm not sure. I get on with people mostly. I try not to misconstrue what people say. For me, behaviour that is chivalrous and helpful are very attractive.

yes, that's good. He may not be so brave though, being a tutor. You also need a plan if he doesn't come up with such a direct compliment. i mean you could just chat but flirt non-verbally a bit.

Oh for sure I wasn't suggesting looking on fb. And even if you were, you should do it incognito. More like linkedin - and you can ask to connect to him professionally. Or his Twitter page - it's fine to follow a teacher.

As a tutor or as a member of staff, it would be v difficult for him to be that obvious. It will have to come from you, with some encouragement from him (verbally or non). Plus as the male in this relationship, it usually puts him at a disadvantage (in terms of accusations of harassment etc). Not suggesting you 'harass' him of course!!

It would be very interesting though to see how he behaves when you ar one to one - some people feel braver to flirt when in public - and I think you said he was talking about the 'hot celeb' when others were around. When one to one he may go all shy - or opposite, be more obvious, but I think before you leave he is likely to be cautious. It's best to be positive but not too hopeful - bear in mind some people feel safe to flirt when they know nobody is going to act on it - otoh he may also be waiting till you leave and is very keen - but before you know for sure, bear in mind both options.

twitter and fb are very similar, bees - he may be active on twitter more than fb, equally addictive, there ar usually photos and you can read conversations with others. Unless it's all very sporadic in his case.
Linkedin fine of course! but as you want to date him, Prof, again I wouldn't rush into requesting connections. If he responds to your card, all that is not very relevant!

cross posted on that with bees - yes, he is likely to behave professionally before you leave so I doubt he'll be direct but may well respond to your suggestions to meet up after you leave.

Well it depends on how people use their Twitter account. I use mine entirely professionally so I don't tweet anything about children, mummy ness, food or anything I would ordinarily put on my fb page.

Nothing wrong with connecting on LinkedIn. I have colleagues on there, ex-students, current students. Friends. Again it's all professional so all they'd see is my accomplishments, education levels, places, papers, talks. Even if she does end up dating him, it's ok to be connected on LinkedIn!

I mean even if you suggest it now.

yes, I know - but let her date him first as that's what she is interested in, if he says no to that, I doubt she'll be requesting connections as she'll be a bit embarassed. Maybe later on, of course!
IME a lot of men use Twitter in both profesional and more personal ways - if they aer 'chatty' so end up commenting on all sorts - and that's addictive if you are fancy him. But if it's just professional in his case - she wouldn't really have much to learn from there about him. I'd say it's a good tool to use if you don't meet someone often and want to get to know them, but if OP meets up with him and knows enough to ask him out, then it's a bit redundant - or can be addictive. All I'm saying really is, she can do it after he says 'yes'!

sorry, many typos again!

Happy Monday to you all! I've caught up with all the latest posts with interest; I'm glad to see Prof has been feeling more cheery!

It's been a busy, social weekend and I'm still on my pink cloud since Friday evening. Mutual attraction is a very lovely, precious thing. I'm also enjoying the vibe of respect I'm getting from this man.

Just a rather obvious insight to share with you all. Chance or not it was a wonderful thing that he turned up alone to sort out the Jag. They usually always deal with these things in pairs. Whilst he was there mainly for work purposes, was pressed for time and was most certainly keeping up the respect barriers with me it seemed to really change things having him away from his work place. He seems remarkably good at being in control of his feelings; I've noticed that before. Friday, however, a lot more emotion slipped out.

The message, of course, is directed to Prof and all others; get them away from their work!

LovePGtips, thank you for your writing down your lovely thoughts on Friday evening.

I have no idea if he puts me on a pedestal - I can't imagine that - but he probably has thought and still thinks I'm off limits. I feel certain he feels attraction though. He doesn't know I'm a writer as I prefer to let the man do the talking and only offer information about my personal life when he asks. I've been guilty of over enthusiastic sharing in the past - passion loosens my tongue - but I prefer to keep things a little mysterious nowadays. With friends, etc. I'm much more open.

I had a wonderful night out with my hairdresser who has become a very dear friend, and his new partner....and another twenty friends or so. Nothing beats the validation of a gay male friend. So much kindness and sensitivity. I probably overshared with him but he was asking me so many questions!

Prof. He's 17 years older than me. He is a grandad now and I don't have kids (I'm 35 now) so very much have always been at different life stages.

He insists he never had a relationship before or after with a student. He still makes my heart flutter :)

The heart flutter is the best feeling pambeesley.

PG - The times he has flirted have been the times we have been alone, like when he said I only come down to see him etc and the hot thing.
When others are around he is still friendly and his face lights up etc but we don't get chance to talk as he is busy!
Because I'm an over thinker it is actually coming in handy as its preparing me for rejection as well as him possibly saying yes

ThisIs - hello! There's always lots to catch up on in this thread isn't there
Gay male friends are great, I have two and they're my closest friends. I feel like they are the most genuine and honest out of all my friends.
I'm glad things seemed more relaxed when one to one with mechanic man, I feel like that is a good giveaway. With my actual tutor he talks to me exactly the same as all the other students, and remains the same when we are alone too. With tutor fancy man, he's still very friendly when others are around but when we are alone we talk about personal things not related to uni and have a laugh etc.

May we know the date of your party? I'm excited and hoping its around my finishing date!

Pam - that is so beautiful. Your post made me smile

Prof - I am pretty sure it is allowed so no need to wait ;)

Good luck!

hi This - I'm glad too that you had a nice w/end and a boost from the male friends - any advice from them?
Btw how did you first could tell for sure he was attracted? only when he held your hand - or do you think it was you who showed him that you notice him first? Just curious who responded to whom.

Prof, ah ok that's even more encouraging if he tried flirting when one to one - there aer cowards you know who would only flirt socially but not when it comes to it they scarper haha.
Btw re haridos - I thought exactly the same last night when I briefly watched BGT (only watch the final really), was impressed how Allesha looks with a punky but sleek hairdo, sort of a bit 80s - much more stylish and sexy than her long hair. I don't even like her or her type of face but thought she looked v.good last night.

*hairdos

When alone he has been flirty and comfortable, but in front of others we have lingering eye contact and find it harder to talk which I assume is down to nerves on both parts. Which is a good sign I think

Yes I saw her hair too and thought the same!! Far better
The closest I can find online to mine is this woman's hair, it's shaved all way around my head on the bottom and longer on top. I'm brunette though and it looks less harsh than this.
I hate to brag but I get a LOT of compliments, I regularly have strangers come over to me to tell me they love my hair and often if I'm getting served in a shop they comment
It works really nicely against the way I dress too. People often say "I'd love to have my hair like yours but I don't have a pretty face to pull it off" etc.
You'd think I'd have a massive head and be overflowing with confidence but I still feel like an ogre most days.

I love having different hair, people remember me and come over to tell me it reminds me of the styles that were around when they were growing up which is lovely to hear!