I've met someone and want to ask him out

[ProfessorPickles]

I've recently met someone who has really taken me by surprise. I've been single for around 3 years now, apart from a short relationship, and I'd had very little interest in men for a long time until I met him.

He's good looking but what got me by surprise is his personality, he's very smiley and has a great sense of humour. He makes me laugh and is a genuinely nice person. I haven't met someone who's even caught my eye for a long, long time so it's a little bit exciting!

The problem however, is that he's a teacher at my university. Not my teacher, but I have contact with him occasionally.
We are a similar age (I'm a slightly older student) and I will be leaving in 2 months so would wait until then.

I have no idea if he is interested in me too, but I can't believe I've had my head turned after so long of being adamant I was going to be happily alone forever so I feel it would be foolish to just ignore it.

My idea was to give him a 'thank you' card/gift as I am leaving (for helping with my work, I'll be giving them to two other members of staff) and put my number inside. I thought this would be good so he can choose to take it or leave it, as it's potentially a little bit inappropriate?
If he isn't interested he can simply ignore it to spare me the embarrassment of asking to his face! Although, I've known several teachers to get together with students once they've left so I suppose it isn't that radical of an idea.

Best case scenario: We go on a date, fall in love, get married, have children and tour the country with our family band.

Worst case scenario: He never contacts me and life goes on.

It's worth a try surely?

thanks, Prof - yes it's too complex, it's not only the guilt of feeling it but also a hope that his relationship isn't solid that makes you feel a bit guilty (though it's either is or isn't solid anyway). I mean lots of couples split up but in his case, I've no idea if they are planning marriage or not, and I've learned they've been together about 4 yrs but otoh she once acted very posessive about him quite publicly, so I thought 'maybe not all is so smooth there'.
I'm not saying he was ready to cheat - some are - but it's not good that he feels all that connection while in a relationship, why is he staying in r-ship then? I'd want to be free if people kept turning my head, I'd think I'm with the wrong person if it happens.
Good to hear you feel like being direct and confident! I think when the thread started you were a lot more nervous and unsure - we were encouraging you to be brave/direct. I think in a way it's good you had to wait as not you aer so fed up with it that you just want it done, and to hell with the nerves! yes, if he flirts, you could def ask if that's what he's doing - or flirt back!

'as NOW you are so fed up..', I mean.

mind you, Prof, I may be completely deluded that he even likes me - btw I'm nearly a complete opposite to his GF in appearance. As I say your own feelings can play trick with your mind, thinking that any friendly look from him may mean something. At least in your case, you base your interest on much many facts and a lot of communication.

prof just read that you are in/near Yorkshire. I did my PhD there...!

I'm talking generally 9and about me) in the last post, not about your feelings, Op, I'm sure you are not mistaken about yours.

PG - yes I can definitely relate to the hoping their relationship isn't solid. I felt just the same way! Although I never felt I could have done anything while he was in a relationship, I know at that time I would've jumped at a chance to be with him as soon as they split up which makes me feel awful.
I definitely agree that if your head is being turned then it's probably a good sign your relationship isn't right. Which unfortunately fuels the "I hope they split up soon" feelings doesn't it!

Having you lot cheering me on has made me feel so much better and you're absolutely right when you say I have nothing to lose.
I'm feeling up for just being direct and I feel now I've spoken about it I feel more prepared. For example, I'm not sure I told anyone about this on the thread, but he actually gave me the perfect opportunity to ask if he was flirting!! But because I was shocked by what he said I went quiet and blushed. But now if he said something similar I feel I'd be straight in there asking if he was meaning to flirt!
He MIGHT have said I'm attractive to my face, but I keep doubting that's what he meant.

Being so different to his girlfriend doesn't necessarily mean he isn't attracted to you PG! it doesn't mean anything at all, he could even find you more appealing because you aren't like her. It's easy to second guess what someone is thinking about you, but I'd like to think that we wouldn't even consider they'd like us if there wasn't something there to begin with? That's what I'm hoping anyway!

Bees - where abouts in Yorkshire if I may ask? I love Yorkshire! but that's a given if you're from Yorkshire haha

The Russell group university. S Yorkshire. are you there?!!

Not from there but loved it v muchly!

I'm glad you will be forward. Now all you need do is engineer a meet up! I just hope that he isn't holed up in his house doing marking from now!

I went to end of course drinks with my lecturers and ended up having a fling with one of them. Was v sexy!

We lost contact for a few years then got back in touch and had another fling.

Now we are just friends, the age gap and life stages we are at meant no more but it was a lot of fun and I have a lifelong friend.

You are sounding much more positive Prof that's good to see! Are you going in early tomorrow?

I got flirted at earlier (in Lidl, that prime pulling location.) With this thread in my mind I did not do the avoid all eye contact and shuffle off like I usually do though and did make myself look at him. I wasn't quite sure what to do next though so am slightly concerned that what I actually did was a bit of an odd Crimewatch stare then walked off quite slowly without saying a word, which might have made me seem slightly bonkers. Oh well, that's almost progress I suppose...

I'm in South Yorkshire! But I don't go there no

Tuesday morning will be the morning I hope! It should be really quiet at that time because I'll go slightly before anyone will be in so we should get a bit of time I hope.

Pam - that does sound sexy I must say! How big was the age gap? That's nice that you've made such a good friend!

Muddle - that made me laugh so much with the crimewatch stare, good for you for not shying away! What was he saying to you? definitely a prime pulling location! I may have to take a visit to Lidl if tutor man isn't interested

Ah! Are you at the other one then?!
Tuesday?!! Tuesday?! What happened to Monday?! Like tomorrow?!

Glad you are upbeat. Don't falter.

I am indeed!!

I don't go in Monday's I'm afraid, I'm sorry to disappoint
I'm feeling really excited now, I bloody hope he flirts! His face seems to light up when he sees me but I could be imagining it!

I'm not going to be getting to sleep anytime soon!

I'm going to try explain how he said I'm attractive without typing the entire conversation

Please do! I really should be asleep. I wake early and I have a vvip coming tomorrow at work. Argh.

Right, we were on about my hair being short and the conversation lead to him saying the equivalent of "well so and so cut all her hair off and she's hot!!"

He could literally just have been saying that the celebrity is hot, but the way it was said sounded like he was saying I'm hot maybe
I dislike the use of the word hot, but if he actually was saying I am then who am I to complain about how it was phrased

It would have been the perfect opportunity to ask if he was meaning to call me hot/ flirt but I was shocked and blushing like mad no doubt!

I hope he meant it that way!

haha, Muddle, was he just giving you looks? a stare might have looked like 'stay away' haha! but practice makes perfect! def better than shuffling off..

Prof, you are now making me a bit hopeful - don't play with me like that, ha! But really, I look silly as I'm trying to just appear friendly but also it's impossible to hide that I'm uneasy around him, and he's probably guessed that I'm very attracted. He's probably laughing about it with his GF!
At least with both your previous guy and the tutor, you sound like you are on even keel and they show interest clearly (ooh he told you you were attractive!). This guy didn't do anything like as much, before I knew he was single I was the one 'chatting him up' a bit and he was nice to that but no initiative at all. So really I need to face the facts - I just don't like knowing that I can be this much deluded about the vibes (if I'm completely wrong that makes me rather mad tbh!).

ha yes he did ,mean that way!

Bees - it's always when it's important that you can't nod off isn't it

I don't feel I explained it well but it was along the lines of that!

Me: I'm not girly with a shaved head!
Him: well so and so cut all hers off and she's hot!

(My head isn't all shaved, I have an 80s hair do and it suits me a lot. I realise 'shaved head' doesn't paint me in a beautiful light . Weirdly I dress very feminine in pretty dresses)

*mean it

Oh that's nice/sweet and positive.

I've had similar said to me in similar manner. There was the 'I'm older than you' conversation and the younger men saying 'no you are not, 5 years is nothing' and other similar type conversations about other things. The one most obvious were texts saying 'good morning! My life is so much brighter since I knew you. My friends all say I'm so much happier these few weeks,,,'. It made my heart break. Really did.

Anyway, I do hope you manage to snoop more around him. Have you googled him?

I've outed myself so many times on this thread, oh well I can't imagine he's a MNer, he doesn't have the scarf so...

I'm sorry PG not meaning to get your hopes up, because it's a bit of an impossible situation while they're still together isn't it! I can't imagine he is laughing about it with his GF at all, if you're picking up possible signs he's interested then he won't be!
I'm also worried I'm massively getting the vibes wrong, it drives you up the wall doesn't it!

Oh Bees that is so sweet!! How lovely is that, was that someone you weren't interested in? It sounds like you attract people quite often, you must be fighting them off! I'm jealous

I haven't googled him or looked him up on social media etc, I don't know why! Maybe I should

Prof please take my advice and DON't go on his social media accounts, only google things like linkedin or where he lives if you must! It's hugely addictive if he posts a lot and you become really absorbed in him and his life - it's hard to stop then, only do it when yo know things aer going somewhere! speaking from experience, and based on other threads on here, it can suck you in! there's really nothign you need to know until he shows interest in dating - otherwise waste of time and emotion.

the thing is with yout tutor, even IF you've isread the degree of his interest, he was giving you real flirty comments and looks so in no way he could think you took it out of nowhere! You couldn't have misread that he likes you, he knows that. What we want though, is that he is up for dating, not just flirting!