I've met someone and want to ask him out

[ProfessorPickles]

I've recently met someone who has really taken me by surprise. I've been single for around 3 years now, apart from a short relationship, and I'd had very little interest in men for a long time until I met him.

He's good looking but what got me by surprise is his personality, he's very smiley and has a great sense of humour. He makes me laugh and is a genuinely nice person. I haven't met someone who's even caught my eye for a long, long time so it's a little bit exciting!

The problem however, is that he's a teacher at my university. Not my teacher, but I have contact with him occasionally.
We are a similar age (I'm a slightly older student) and I will be leaving in 2 months so would wait until then.

I have no idea if he is interested in me too, but I can't believe I've had my head turned after so long of being adamant I was going to be happily alone forever so I feel it would be foolish to just ignore it.

My idea was to give him a 'thank you' card/gift as I am leaving (for helping with my work, I'll be giving them to two other members of staff) and put my number inside. I thought this would be good so he can choose to take it or leave it, as it's potentially a little bit inappropriate?
If he isn't interested he can simply ignore it to spare me the embarrassment of asking to his face! Although, I've known several teachers to get together with students once they've left so I suppose it isn't that radical of an idea.

Best case scenario: We go on a date, fall in love, get married, have children and tour the country with our family band.

Worst case scenario: He never contacts me and life goes on.

It's worth a try surely?

Go pester Prof! Keep imagining in your head that he's just a regular man who you like chatting to. It kind of works for me. I'm so excited for you!!! We're both fifteen all over again!

I think I'm going to go drop the keys off at the garage, tell the owner's wife the car won't start up but say that I'd really really appreciate car mechanic coming over to fix the lock. In honest truth I'm going to be out a lot this weekend so I don't feel too good about having a garage door which doesn't close.

Fingers crossed and send a prayer skywards this works.

It's so hard, even when I fancy someone I normal do quite well but I have actual feelings for him somehow! Not just an attraction, I've really fallen for him. I can't believe it!

Fingers crossed your plan works!!! Say you're really worried and struggling to sleep, and he said he would help you out. I can't imagine it'll be a problem! I can't wait to hear if he's coming

hello! :)

I fear that with you living out conversations you have with him in your head, you are building up this image that may/may not be what he actually is. I think you need to have a proper conversation with him and then report back!! :)

good luck.

I definitely agree, I realise that's what I am doing. It's quite frustrating because I feel I'm potentially setting myself up for a fall!

We've spent quite a bit of time together before so I know quite a lot about him and what he's like etc. It's just the past couple of weeks I haven't had chance to maintain it if you see what I mean?

I feel like if we did end up going on a few dates I'd find out he's quite different to who I talk to at university, which isn't necessarily a bad thing! But that's what I expect to happen!

Just ask him what he's up to this weekend, if he says no plans say how about a drink?

Easy and get it over with!

I'm just antsy - I want to know it'll all work out :)

I don't think I can with him working at uni, I'm really not sure!!

I'm dying to find out too Whisky! It's killing me

You can! Whyyy noooooottt? Comeeee onnnnn! Ask him, ask him, ask him!

Are you there now? Get mooovvinng!

I didn't think teachers could have relationships with students?

I'm feeling rubbish today, doubting myself again! Going to try call in still but there'll probably be students in again
I'm feeling all insecure and thinking it was all a stupid idea! Hopefully this will pass

Feeling so fed up, I thought he was on his own so I mentally prepared myself because I was nervous and as I walked past I could hear him talking so he was with someone and I chickened out.
Feeling so annoyed and frustrated!

I keep wondering if I should even be feeling this way, but I can't help it too. I don't know what to do really, I keep doubting the things he has said and wondering if I'm being stupid.

But equally I don't just want to forget about it all incase. I just need a couple of times in the next 4 weeks that make me feel even mildly convinced it's a good idea but I can't seem to get even a minute to talk to him anymore.

I'm feeling stupid more than anything

What's the worst that could happen if you do it though Prof? That he won't respond and you won't see him again. Which is also what will happen if you don't. Nothing to lose.

I do sympathise, I hate the cycle of overthinking, which I think is what you are doing. I also don't like not being in control of my feelings, is it that that is causing you to feel stressed out by it all do you think? Have you got any nice plans for the weekend?

I am so sorry you are feeling this way Prof!

Please understand that the absence of contact is playing tricks with your mind. Are you feeling a little bit better since posting?

So, car mechanic came to the rescue! Both for the Jag and the garage door. Talk about blooming efficient!

He took my hand for a few seconds. All smiles and lowered eyes; that applies to both of us, actually.

I was shaking like a leaf which was just as much to do with the short-sleeved black dress I was wearing in slightly chilly weather as my nerves (I'm going out this evening). I honestly thought at some point he wouldn't turn up.

I think he's a little shy with me but there was some lovely eye contact!

At some point I asked him if he could stop saying 'vous' to me (formal instead of informal tu) he looked bashful and mumbled something along the lines of 'you're not used to it?' to which I replied that it was fine at work but seemed unnecessary otherwise. He smiled and said he'd try, promptly said 'vous' again and then corrected himself looking a little like a school child.

Anyway, him masterfully sorting out both the Jag and the garage door (can you see how impressed I am?) I plucked up the courage to tell him about a party I would be throwing in June and that I would very much like it if he could come. He paused for a couple of seconds and said 'why not' which to me was a bit of a victory!

OK, I'm not going to get a medal for bravery here but that was a big deal for me. I don't think I've ever done that before.

I get the impression he finds me a little impressive. I really, truly don't mean that in an arrogant way but friends have told me that in the past. I'm tall, blond and come across as confident. (Those who know me well understand that I'm fairly timid really.) I'm also a lot more outgoing and enthusiastic than the average French woman who generally is much more dainty and demure. (How's that for a generalisation?°

I'm also older than him.

So asking him out on a one to one just didn't feel quite right. This way I get to keep good relations with the garage and not end up with egg on my face.

And the door is still surely open? If he's said yes to a party then perhaps?

He was really cute. A little overwhelmed too.

Ooh ThisIs I am so happy to read your update!

Well done, sounds like you handled it perfectly. I really am excited for you

An did course he finds you impressive, you bloody well are impressive!

Muddlewitch you are adorable, thank you!

There's definitely something going on between us. That awkward, excited, nervous, shy kind of thing. Whatever happens, or doesn't, in the future I'm so glad he said yes to my invitation. And I was true to myself not going all out and brazen. That's fine for others but it's not really me, you know.

Thank you so much for your support! I'm so touched.

That was a really big step, even if it doesn't work out with him if you meet someone else in future at least you know that you can do it because you did and the world didn't implode.

When in June is the party? If it coincides with when Prof finishes her course I'm not sure I will be able to take the excitement. Are you likely to see him in the meantime?

Yes! They've got the Jag to deal with for me!

I have more faith in the future now I have established he's not indifferent to me Muddlewitch!

We were like a couple of school kids all grins and awkward.

Bless us.

Will he still be there in four weeks? He won't be on leave or anything? Is there an end of term social or anything?

I'm not sure about her number in he card thing. What about giving him a bottle of wine and saying "do you fancy a drink sometime?" I think the leaving the number will just keep you on tenterhooks even longer!!

Aw ThisIs that has melted my ice packed heart a little, that's so lovely I think the Jag might need a lot of work sabotage.

Wips if Prof's man attempts to go on leave we will give chase and tackle him to the ground. Usually people in education can't take term time leave so fingers crossed that won't happen, we have been waiting too long for anything untoward to happen!

Yay, I'm so pleased to have come back to some good news ThisIs!! Well done with being so brave that's fantastic.
What date is the party?! I will be there, in spirit
I'm so excited for you, everything you have said sounds so good. You sound much braver than you give yourself credit for, it sounds like you handed it so well!

I'm feeling a little better now, I was quite upset because I had been so nervous and really forced myself to go then just as I was about to walk in I heard talking and I was gutted that I'd got so wound up. Feeling less moody and down hearted about it now although still disappointed as I was looking good today (or I felt it)
He looked so lovely and I was going to comment in a nice subtle way!
Oh well, there will be more opportunities no doubt.
I also know a student who spends a lot of time with him and has known him longer than I have so I'm tempted to have a word with her, she's extremely nice and has known him longer than I have.

How great would that be if they coincided Muddle! I hope they are close it would be exciting

thisis that's amazing! Sorry if I'm intruding in your story but it's always nice when something positive happens.

My own story is complicated or was complicated and occasionally gets complicated but hey, that's the spice of life right?

prof do you have anything nice planned for weekend? Could you email him about something and he could possibly reply and take it from there? I think you need to get some concrete conversations going! And yes if things don't work out and he doesn't speak to you again that's the same outcome anyway.

Years ago I had this student (mature) sit in my office, in front of me and blurted out that he liked me. I was taken aback if anything. Thanked him and then said I didn't think it'll work out. (He was not from the U.K. And he was returning to his country after our one week course!) it was flattering though. He was v much not my type and it was funny really because he hadn't had much to do with me so it's not like we'd struck up a good friendship or something.

Anyway... Good luck again. You need to create opportunities.

Bees, that is quite bizarre! Very flattering though I agree, but it seems quite dramatic for after a week

I feel quite reassured that I definitely know he likes me as a person, we laugh a lot when together and there's a lot of smiling and joking. So that's a great start even if he isn't interested in me romantically I'm going to keep trying to call in when possible to get to chat to him!

I'm feeling more positive now I've stopped having a paddy

Oooh I've been lurking but just thought I'd comment on your exciting thread. I wouldn't call in at all. For at least a week. Till he's DESPERATE to see me. Wondering where on earth I'd got to. Then I might pop in casually. If he's lucky
Seriously, I'd try playing a little hard to get.
Exciting stuff though. I'm really hoping you get together. Good luck!

Peebles, we NEED you on this thread - for once someone cool and actually telling us we need to fee like we are a prize to these men - so far the main posters (oncl myself natch) are all teenagery and trying to be liked very hard. But it's so hard to switch to that cool playful mode, Peebles, still a good thing to aim for!

This, great to hear that things aer going along in the right direction, though for me that would be painfully slow, what with all the flirting and clear signs that he likes you. I'd be more forward in that situation if I just wanted a fling. I think, though feel to ignore my opinion, you aer setting yourself up for something more serious, with the careful approach and also kind of introducing him to your friends at the party. I mean, great if you are open to a serious thing, but you said before you wanted just a bit of fun - sounds instead you aer both feeling quite romantic! nothing wrong with changing your mind of course! Did you feel it was too much to offer him a drink when he finished the job on the Jag AND the garage, haha? to me this would so naturally lead to offering him a drink there and then and just having a nice flirty chat, I don't suggest anything physical. But if you can wait for the party - yo have a saintly patience, I so hope it's in early June!

Prof, I know exactly how you feel, re feeling stupid or questioning if yo should even feel this way but not being able to help it. I'm the same with the unavailable guy. It's really hard to imagine that such strong deep vibes can be one-sided! If they are in my case, whic is likely in my case, it does make you feel stupid. It's this ridiculous little hope that says he may sense how I'm feeling - and the eye contact we had sort of said that he's not repulsed or just laughing at me. I don't mean it was romantic from him but it was sort of 'curious about you' and a happy sort of gaze. Of course it could just be friendly - he appreciates some thing I do - but even that's better than being repelled by my obvious liking of him.

*make me feel stupid - sorry lots of typos again, always leaving it till the late hour!