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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I've met someone and want to ask him out

949 replies

ProfessorPickles · 25/04/2016 22:30

I've recently met someone who has really taken me by surprise. I've been single for around 3 years now, apart from a short relationship, and I'd had very little interest in men for a long time until I met him.

He's good looking but what got me by surprise is his personality, he's very smiley and has a great sense of humour. He makes me laugh and is a genuinely nice person. I haven't met someone who's even caught my eye for a long, long time so it's a little bit exciting! Smile

The problem however, is that he's a teacher at my university. Not my teacher, but I have contact with him occasionally.
We are a similar age (I'm a slightly older student) and I will be leaving in 2 months so would wait until then.

I have no idea if he is interested in me too, but I can't believe I've had my head turned after so long of being adamant I was going to be happily alone forever so I feel it would be foolish to just ignore it.

My idea was to give him a 'thank you' card/gift as I am leaving (for helping with my work, I'll be giving them to two other members of staff) and put my number inside. I thought this would be good so he can choose to take it or leave it, as it's potentially a little bit inappropriate?
If he isn't interested he can simply ignore it to spare me the embarrassment of asking to his face! Although, I've known several teachers to get together with students once they've left so I suppose it isn't that radical of an idea.

Best case scenario: We go on a date, fall in love, get married, have children and tour the country with our family band.

Worst case scenario: He never contacts me and life goes on.

It's worth a try surely? Grin

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ProfessorPickles · 19/05/2016 12:23

I'm really scared to go in and I feel ridiculous! I'm going to go on my way out of the building at the end of the day in the hope everyone else will have left also Grin
Would it be bad to go in and just say I'd come to see him? It doesn't feel like a big deal to me. I was just going to say "hello, how're you? Just thought I'd come see how you are" ??

I enjoy your post ThisIs, they're always long and flowing and lovely. I never have anything equally as wonderful to say back!
It's nice to have someone in the same boat, I've told a couple of friends and they're positive about it etc but it's nice to be able to speak to someone currently experiencing the same teenage feelings and getting all flustered!

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ThisIsTheRightTime · 19/05/2016 12:31

Again, you remind me so much of myself, Prof. Yesterday I was at the music school chatting with one of the guys who works there who is about my age. I've known him on a professional basis for a few years now. Anyway, he basically asked me out yesterday afternoon. And there I was watching myself behaving completely naturally with this guy; smiling, high fives, laughing at each other, confiding, and I thought to myself afterwards this is how I normally behave WHEN I don't fancy the guy like mad.

It is completely and utterly ridiculous.

All this to say that I went up to him yesterday - I hadn't seen him in weeks - and asked him if he wanted me to come back for a chat or not. Which leads me to you. If this man of yours was but an acquaintance I'm pretty sure you'd think nothing of popping in to see him.

Am I right?

ps Thank you so much for your kind words about my writing. I'll let you into a secret; I'm a writer! Grin

Whisky2014 · 19/05/2016 12:42

This - so did you say yes?!

Prof - Just go in and say you wanted to say hi and would he like a drink tonight? :D

BOOM!

ThisIsTheRightTime · 19/05/2016 12:47

Whisky2014, this is not the chap I fancy like a fifteen year old, in case I didn't make that bit clear! Smile Thanks for asking, btw!

We've exchanged phone numbers and maybe one day it will happen. We're a good fit in many ways and I like talking and joking with him. Perhaps more of a friend chemistry thing? I'd like to go out for a few drinks with him on that basis. Maybe that's what he needs to as he's been through some tough times too.

Whisky2014 · 19/05/2016 13:24

Hi This. Yes, I did see it was a different guy. Just thought it might be nice to go on a date with this new one. You said he makes you laugh etc so why not ;)

Outnumb3red · 19/05/2016 13:48

UC ucucucucuc UC USC UC u

Outnumb3red · 19/05/2016 13:49

ucucucu

Outnumb3red · 19/05/2016 13:51

Omg, so sorry. Just wrestled the phone from my DC Blush Blush

ProfessorPickles · 19/05/2016 14:06

Outnumb3red was clearly outnumbered Wink

OR was leaving a cheeky place mark!!

(I am still around and have been reading the updates on the thread but I just can't reply because my brain is absolutely frazzled and I want to sleep forever)

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ThisIsTheRightTime · 19/05/2016 17:04

You're crashing with nervous exhaustion Prof. You'll feel better once you stop and rest over this weekend.

Outnumb you made me chuckle, thanks for that.

Muddlewitch · 19/05/2016 17:18

Outnumbered that's what I sound like when I try to talk to someone I like, I thought you had that affliction too Grin

Muddlewitch · 19/05/2016 17:25

Did you go to see him in the end prof? I think it's fine to do that, I pop in on colleagues just to say hello if I am passing their office or whatever.

Thisis a few drinks with a nice male friend could be just the thing, I think you should do that.

I saw one of my former eyegazing man's friends today. We didn't talk about him though, although his name did come up in conversation once and friend did look straight at me when it did (we were in a group) I found something interesting out of the window to look at...Got chatted up by someone entirely different too but not really my type although it's nice to be noticed I suppose. I really need to get over this 'one that got away' feeling as I think it holds me back, it kind of lurks like a cloud if that makes any sense. Anyone got any tips?

beesarethebest · 19/05/2016 19:31

Hi! I've been watching this thread and finally delurking!

I work at university and I think you should pop in and say hi. That'll make it easier to strike up a friendship between the two of you (at the very least).

I run a programme that has mature students and many of the students are my age with some older and some just a bit younger. We get along v well. I'm married but we still go for drinks/lunch. Sometimes one on one, sometimes in a group. To be fair, the one on one drinks have only happened after graduation. Who knows what might have happened if either party was single! Wink

Anyway, my point is, it's entirely ok to pop in. It can get quite boring in academia particularly this time of year when we have a ton of marking. We'd welcome some distraction. Good luck!

ProfessorPickles · 19/05/2016 21:45

I didn't pop in on the way out cause he was talking to students, I'm going to try again tomorrow as I will be in now! I'll try first thing again and hopefully with it being a Friday everyone will go home earlier?? I'm hoping anyway!

Hi Bees, nice to hear from someone working in the same environment! I am going to try call in for a chat tomorrow, I know he will definitely react positively and he always looks pleased to see me!
It sounds like you get along with your students really well which is great, we get along with our tutor really well and it's nice.
In a way I'm relieved the tutor I'm interested in isn't very involved with our work, I don't think I could cope with doing a presentation infront of him etc!
Thank you for wishing me luck Bees!! Smile

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ProfessorPickles · 20/05/2016 07:16

ThisIs, it all makes sense now I know you're a writer! Your posts are always long yet thoroughly enjoyable Smile

Does anyone else have conversation with people in their head even when they aren't there? I seem to be doing that a LOT with tutor man, I'll be driving and imagining a conversation with him that'll never end up happening. I feel like a crazy person. I've spent a week talking to him but inside my own head Blush

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Muddlewitch · 20/05/2016 07:38

Haha I do that too Prof not just with objects of affection either, there's a whole other life playing out inside my head!

ProfessorPickles · 20/05/2016 08:18

Thank god! I always feel crazy for doing it but never dare admit it to anyone to see if they do the same Grin

He should know my entire life story based on what I've told him in my head Blush

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ThisIsTheRightTime · 20/05/2016 08:22

How are you feeling this morning Prof? And a big wave to Muddlewitch!

ProfessorPickles · 20/05/2016 08:24

Very nervous! I'm a little bit late to be catching him alone this morning, I've been too busy laid in the bath feeling relaxed! But I will give it a try today Smile

How're you ThisIs?

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ThisIsTheRightTime · 20/05/2016 08:34

Feeling good! And nervous too.

I've just plucked up the courage to call the garage to see if today they can come by or not. And guess who I ended up talking to? Yes indeed! Grin The bosses weren't in yet so he had no idea about the day's schedule but asked me to call back in 30 mins. I'm ridiculously pleased at how I behaved on the 'phone with him; natural which isn't always easy in such cases. Smile

I wish there were a ridiculous smiley available!

He sounded smiley, if you see what I mean. It really makes me laugh though how he keeps saying vous instead of tu to me despite the fact I've been doing the opposite for a short while. OK, he is younger than I am and I am a client but PLEASE can we just relax a little? Grin

Did you sleep ok last night Prof? Please know we are with you and just let us know how it all goes.

Wishfulmakeupping · 20/05/2016 08:38

Good luck op :)

ProfessorPickles · 20/05/2016 09:35

Oooh, let's hope he's the only one who can make it to come and have a look! GrinWink

Just passed him in the corridor with another member of staff and our conversation went
"Hello you alright?"
"Yeah I'm alright how're you"
"I'm alright thank you!"

So many alrights Grin

I got to the lift and whispered to myself "I'm a fucking dick head"

I'll try again later and try not to use the word alright too many times!

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ProfessorPickles · 20/05/2016 09:36

I slept rubbish again, think I've got myself into a bad habit now!

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ThisIsTheRightTime · 20/05/2016 09:54

A lot of underlying feelings hidden behind those 'alrights', Prof.

Sleeping rubbish is due to hormones and chemicals playing havoc.

Been there, done that.

You are not alone.

My Jag won't start up! Ha! I had a lovely chat with the owner's wife. I have to drop the keys off at the garage but chances are they probably won't be able to come as her husband isn't available. I haven't told her yet it won't start up. She did say my car mechanic would pop over to get the car. I told he needs to come do something about my garage door. I'll explain. When he came back to my house the other night with the other chap, knowing that my future ex has been entering my home via the garage on several occasions, they decided to barricade it out of the kindness of their hearts. Grin They also bent the lock which means I can no longer lock it as I had to force it to open the garage door.

I cannot really let him come over in the knowledge that my car won't start up. Can I? If I say it won't start up then they'll have to come another day. But the garage door really needs attending to....

My life is full of excitement!! Not.

ProfessorPickles · 20/05/2016 10:08

Don't tell them the car won't start, plead ignorance! When he comes act surprised! And suggest he comes in for a cuppa seen as though the car isn't budging Wink

That's very nice of him to sort your garage, how lovely! That sounds very protective and thoughtful that they did that for you. Protective in a caring way not a possessive way!

Ooh I'm all excited for you ThisIs!!

I'm hoping to see tutor man this afternoon if he's about, he seems to be busy this morning though, so I'm hoping he will be sat twiddling his thumbs this aft so I can go pester him Grin

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