I've met someone and want to ask him out

[ProfessorPickles]

I've recently met someone who has really taken me by surprise. I've been single for around 3 years now, apart from a short relationship, and I'd had very little interest in men for a long time until I met him.

He's good looking but what got me by surprise is his personality, he's very smiley and has a great sense of humour. He makes me laugh and is a genuinely nice person. I haven't met someone who's even caught my eye for a long, long time so it's a little bit exciting!

The problem however, is that he's a teacher at my university. Not my teacher, but I have contact with him occasionally.
We are a similar age (I'm a slightly older student) and I will be leaving in 2 months so would wait until then.

I have no idea if he is interested in me too, but I can't believe I've had my head turned after so long of being adamant I was going to be happily alone forever so I feel it would be foolish to just ignore it.

My idea was to give him a 'thank you' card/gift as I am leaving (for helping with my work, I'll be giving them to two other members of staff) and put my number inside. I thought this would be good so he can choose to take it or leave it, as it's potentially a little bit inappropriate?
If he isn't interested he can simply ignore it to spare me the embarrassment of asking to his face! Although, I've known several teachers to get together with students once they've left so I suppose it isn't that radical of an idea.

Best case scenario: We go on a date, fall in love, get married, have children and tour the country with our family band.

Worst case scenario: He never contacts me and life goes on.

It's worth a try surely?

I didn't notice any typos, so I must also apologise

Don't let the moment pass ThisIs, decide what you want and make steps to get it!! I assume that after this you won't see him for a while?
We only regret the things we don't go for so go for it woman!!
If you want something from him, whatever that may be, don't let your best chance pass you by because you may regret it and that would be awful!

I'm in good company then Muddlewitch!

Seriously, I engage in good eye contact whilst talking to men every day. This intense gaze was mind-blowing. I've heard or read somewhere that it's the clearest sign of interest in the whole flirting charade. It certainly presented no shade of doubt to my hormone-drenched brain.

What was I supposed to do? Hit on a car mechanic in front of his bosses? I wish I had the gall of some of my friends who just go for the men they are attracted to.

If I didn't have to see him again professionally I think I would have plucked up the courage a while ago. Sod the rejection. But after a very shaky year I have come to rely on the good services of that garage as a source of stability.

You could be an absolute coward like me a send him a thank you card for helping with the jag and put your number in

Thank you Prof! You are so lovely.

So, it means asking him straight out for a drink? Perhaps making it clear that I'm not looking for anything more necessarily? I don't think I've ever done that before. Not ever. OMG. (I've had my fair share of relationships) I'm going to run and hide underneath the Jag!

Actually, my children and I were discussing having a party in summer - it gets really hot here in the Loire Valley - and the garden is good for having quite a few people. I was wondering about inviting him and then I sabotage the thing in my head by adding 'feel free to come with anyone you like'. I am so hopeless!!!!

Prof, the garage has my number in their files. I did laugh the other night when he drove me home in my car knowing the way to my house. 'How do you know the way and my address?', I slurred (whisky impedes my ability to speak clearly) to which he replied, laughing 'it's the GPS'. There was no GPS. So he knew my address, probably from my records, I guess.

The party sounds like a lovely idea to invite him along! No need to suggest a plus one, although I suspect if he gets the feeling you're interested I'm sure he'd know not to bring a woman!

That's a good point about them already having your details. I remember you saying about the address!!

Do you know what you're going to do, do you think you'll ask him to his face?

Thank you for calling me lovely

I've been occupying my mind with working out the wording of this bloody simple card all day. It's mad what all this does to your mind!
"To tutor man,

I just wanted to say thank you for your help with XYZ.

From Pickles

Let me know if you'd like to go for a drink sometime!
01234567"

My issues are:
The thing I'm thanking him for isn't REALLY worthy of a card itself as it wasn't a huge job.
And
The word "sometime" doesn't look or feel right.
I was also going to put something humerus in there because we were laughing about us having the same unattractive feature but I'm worried incase it's daft. I might call him it the next time I see him, I'm sure he will laugh when I say it but written down it might be less funny

I was also going to say, them having your number on the files would make it unprofessional for him to contact you that way. If you gave him your number yourself then it would give him the nod to contact you!

This, didn't you like my suggestions earlier? someone else did haha! CAn you not simply ask him whether he'd like a drinkn when he visits? I'm not sure if he's taken away the Jag and then coming back same day - if not, I can see he may be in a rush or can't drink if he's driving it, it's best for when he drops it off. Or you could make the appointment for the end of the day and we picks up the Jag, say 'Would you like to have a drink out after work?'. Of course the first scenartio (at home) will likely lead to things...but so what? or os it the issue that your dc aer always at home that you can't offer him a drink?
The other suggestion was just to hold his gaze and smile when he is at yours (no DC) and just wait for that moment when someone HAS to say something, I think he will say/ask somethig flirty, and then you respond.

Prof, I think you've missed my last post (on prev page).
Anyway regarding the card! 'Sometime' just sounds more breezy and casual, but you can skip it and just put instead ''to catch up over a drink'. But as I said, it really doesn't matter how it's worded precisely because if he's interested he'd snap your offer of meeting up whichever way you dress it!

I'm so with you all re love-sick teenager feeling in spring, and the deep gazing. I feel the same currently - sadly the guy I like has a GF and I can't just assume their relationship isn't solid. But I saw him a few days ago and initiated the gaze - he held it - God it made me so happy, couldn't stop grinning like an idiot when I left.

*taking away the Jag

sorry for typos, too! I blame the floating feelings for the lack of concentration!

Or yes - forgot to add 'soon' after the catch-up suggestion in the card.

I think what you have written is fine Prof it's very light but makes the intention clear,perfect! It doesn't really matter if what he did isn't something that would usually warrant a thank you card - he will get the idea behind and then can chose whether to respond or not, and if not you don't have to see him again anyway so nothing lost.

Thisis the fact he remembered your address and had clearly looked it up is very telling. Agree that he might not be allowed to access your number through work files for anything other than work though so I do think it might be worth giving it to him to make it clear you are doing that on a personal rather than a business level.
He memorised your address, the intense eye contact, the prolonged hug on The Night of the Whiskey...it's a massive whopping neon green light for you I think Will the kids be around on Friday?

Ooh yes good call LovePG agree with adding 'soon.'

How long have you known the man of your affections then PG? Is there anyone else on the horizon to distract you if he is in a relationship?

Muddle I agree and even said so before that This had got all the flirting signs and he is so ready for a fling! and she wants the same - just needs a bit of courage.
I have a couple of men on horizon and may meet up with each soon (had some chat online with them). One is on holiday now and we email a bit if a friendly way - he doesn't look like my type on photos (and I don't just have one type) but I may make a friend - he's open to friendship theoretically too. You never know though. The other one is older and even less my type on photos but we've got a LOT of interests in common and I think his personality might suit me. Haven't been on dates with them yet so no idea yet regarding chemistry.
The guy I'm attracted to, I've known less than a year (not closely, don't see often). I do wonder whether strong vibes are ever one-sided? Mind you, as they say even attached people can get attracted to someone but no intentions usually to act on it). So it's nice to feel it, being spring and al that - but tbh I have to bring myself down to earth and get back to dating .

LovePG, Muddlewitch and Prof, how heartwarming to see your replies early this morning! I had to get to bed last night as it was getting pretty late in my corner of the world.

So, LovePG, you too have succumbed to the utter delight of the prolonged gaze! I am so glad it's making you happy to make contact with this man, even if he is perhaps spoken for. Flirting is considered harmless so no harm done there! I can imagine though you are ever so slightly frustrated he's not single?

There HAVE been green lights from my guy, yes! And yet.... the other day when I was standing outside the garage with my friend, chatting, I was too nervous to turn round and say hello when he came out to help his boss. When I did pluck up the courage to say hi - when he came out again - he didn't even look at me or say hello! I just didn't exist. Plus, when I've turned up for car stuff in the past he's always broken into a great, big smile and then he goes into proactive mode and gets on with the task in hand. He's been respectful and hasn't done any overt flirting whilst repairing the car.

The other night he was being quite loud and cracking jokes with his colleagues in front of me (showing off?). He did sit next to me, the others didn't and he did say he'd take me home...

Agggghhh! Hopeless woman!!!!

Thanks for putting up with my inane thoughts here!

Please send the card soon, I am absolutely dying to know the outcome! Your patience is incredible. If I felt this way about someone I couldn't wait weeks like you have!

I'm another one beginning to think you should send the card sooner rather than earlier Prof! The wording you mentioned last night seems ideal, truly.

I do that to people though Thisis if I find it a bit overwhelming, I definitely did the 'pretend you have t seen them' thing, especially if I saw him at a time I wasn't expecting to, because the whole thing made me very anxious. Maybe he is feeling nervous about it all too.

LovePG sounds like you have an interesting mix of people on the horizon. I think it's good to spend time with people you wouldn't usually go for., it can be a pleasant surprise but also can be good for your confidence as it's a bit less overwhelming when you are still in 'maybe, maybe not' mindset than when it's someone you really really like if that makes sense.

I suspect that Prof's teacher man might not be able to respond anyway if she gives him the card any earlier while she is still a student, that might just prolong the agony as if you didn't hear you wouldn't know if it was because he was waiting for it to be 'allowed' it just wasn't interested. That would set up a whole new world of pain for an overthinker like me

Ah yes, good point, Muddlewitch about Prof's man not being able to respond.

Back to square one, then.

I'm upset with myself!! I just took a detour past his room right now and he was sat alone and I could've gone in but I had no reason to and was too frightened!! so now I'm sad.

I'm not feeling very well today, I'm having hot flushes all of the time lately and feeling dizzy. I think it must be stress related with everything that's going on at the minute.

I'd bloody love to be able to give him the card now but he definitely couldn't respond or if he did that would be unprofessional which wouldn't be an appealing quality!

Hunstanton, my patience is wearing incredibly thin! I couldn't get to sleep last night thinking about it

ThisIs, I think it's funny how you've thanked us for putting up with your inane thoughts because I feel exactly the same I can't believe you've all stuck around this long to be honest, I'm very grateful because I'd only have myself to talk to if not!!

Muddle - I definitely agree with the whole new world of pain when it comes to overthinking if I did it early!! I think that could tip me over the edge!

We're with you Prof! Honestly, I don't want to sound corny but I know exactly how you feel.

Every time I see him I behave like a good girl - reasonable and polite - which is why I knocked the whisky back the other day. I haven't done that in over a decade but I really, really needed to unleash something inside me which was holding me back.

All this to say I can feel your frustration about not having had the courage to speak to him this morning. It's like we shoot ourselves in our foot.

Yes, you probably are feeling ill due to stress and all those hormones and chemicals playing havoc with your brain. I know that's how I've felt.

There is a thin line between cruising on a love-filled cloud, revelling in the pleasure of uncertainty and crashing down due to impatience and all that momentum which, for the time being in your case, is going nowhere.

When you look back on this time in a few weeks the long, long days and weeks will dwindle into nothing. I'm pretty sure that you will get a positive outcome in the end, Prof, and you need to try and hold onto that in the meantime.

And, like me, you need to get cracking with your work!

If you're still in the vicinity perhaps you could be brave enough to go back and see him Prof?

Why do you have to wait? There is no law against it is there?

My cousin was doing a PhD and ended up with a professor (they never worked together just saw each other in the kitchen etc).

I love a good love story :)