I've met someone and want to ask him out

[ProfessorPickles]

I've recently met someone who has really taken me by surprise. I've been single for around 3 years now, apart from a short relationship, and I'd had very little interest in men for a long time until I met him.

He's good looking but what got me by surprise is his personality, he's very smiley and has a great sense of humour. He makes me laugh and is a genuinely nice person. I haven't met someone who's even caught my eye for a long, long time so it's a little bit exciting!

The problem however, is that he's a teacher at my university. Not my teacher, but I have contact with him occasionally.
We are a similar age (I'm a slightly older student) and I will be leaving in 2 months so would wait until then.

I have no idea if he is interested in me too, but I can't believe I've had my head turned after so long of being adamant I was going to be happily alone forever so I feel it would be foolish to just ignore it.

My idea was to give him a 'thank you' card/gift as I am leaving (for helping with my work, I'll be giving them to two other members of staff) and put my number inside. I thought this would be good so he can choose to take it or leave it, as it's potentially a little bit inappropriate?
If he isn't interested he can simply ignore it to spare me the embarrassment of asking to his face! Although, I've known several teachers to get together with students once they've left so I suppose it isn't that radical of an idea.

Best case scenario: We go on a date, fall in love, get married, have children and tour the country with our family band.

Worst case scenario: He never contacts me and life goes on.

It's worth a try surely?

That made me laugh Muddle! luring in all the Yorkshire men, but playing hard to get incase you happen to like any of them. You tease!

Actually, I recognise myself in that comment, however lighthearted it was, Prof and Muddle!

I don't think I can wait 5 weeks every day feels like 10! Especially now I won't be seeing him without making up a shitty excuse.

You need to plan lots of things to do for the next five weeks to stop your mind from overthinking it, if you are anything like me.

Muddle, you're right I do. I have loads of work to be doing but I keep finding myself thinking about it all. It's actually made me feel sad today! I haven't felt lonely in a long time but now I'm really interested in him I feel quite lonely. I don't know if that sounds daft!

Not daft at all, in fact I think you are onto something there that is probably what triggers a lot of the fear reaction I had. I think maybe we close off that whole bit of our mind that deals with romance and relationships as a bit of a safety mechanism and then when someone opens it back up unexpectedly it makes us feel a bit vulnerable.
Have some and , how is the course work going aside from the obvious distraction?

I would do anything for real and or even tonight haha!! I'm really craving something sugary!

It's awful isn't it, a potential relationship should be a positive thing but like you say it opens you up to all of your anxieties and insecurities. I feel a bit mopey and sad today! Possibly hormones playing a part in that.

I'm dying to call in just to see him one morning and try get him on his own but I'm scared of it looking awkward and obvious etc

I am in exactly the same situation. Life is fine when you shut these things off, but when you start to think about them again you feel lonely and miserable. I blame spring, personally.

You could be right Was Spring has a kind of expectation about it doesn't it that makes you start thinking. Although Christmas gets me a bit down sometimes too.

Is there anyone you like at the moment?

I've got and prof I really should put them down and iron some uniforms or something exciting like that though!

Do you pass by his office/classroom day to day or would it be obvious you had made a special trip and weren't just passing?

Don't rub it in Muddle haha.

I think what's set me off a bit is that my brother recently got back together with an ex girlfriend and they're very happy and lovely together. My brother acts quite tough but he's a bit of a softy around her and it's lovely to see. It made me feel a bit lonely because nobody loves me boo hoo.

Overall, I'm very happy. But it just feels a bit like something's missing at the minute!

I pass sometimes, I'm just worried I'll walk in and he'll be with someone and I won't know what to say. If he was alone I'd be happy to say I'd called in to see him!

Yeah, similar to you ... happily single then someone crops up who is just really really nice. Trouble is in my case I doubt it's reciprocated. I went to a families do on Saturday and felt a bit shit, where normally I feel OK. I don't behave normally around him, I feel cripplingly shy and that doesn't feel great, either.

What makes you think he isn't interested in you?? How often do you see him?

Was he at the families do then? I know what you mean, I forget how to even construct sentences or hold a conversation when I am anxious it's a nightmare. How long have you known him?

Prof can you see from the corridor whether there is anyone in the room with him?

I can try peek through some of the tiny windows but it is hard to tell sometimes! All I can think of is to go in extra early and go down to say there's nobody around to unlock the door so I thought I'd go see him for a chat

It's a sports scenario, incidentally similar to one described upthread. He's professionally friendly and that's it. I've just got a bit of a crush and hopefully it will go away soon. If a man is interested, you know about it one way or another.

At the risk of making a tit of yourself, I would email him.
If he is unresponsive or tells you he is not available you can move on.
There will not be embarrassing repercussions if he is not interested I can assure you.

Is that to me or wasninah, Another?

Yes, Muddle, you've got it exactly. Instead of being friendly and approachable I froze and felt extremely weird.
AnotherPrick I don't feel there is enough reciprocation. It's all in my head and I just want it to go. If he did reciprocate I don't know what I'd do with him anyway. I can't do relationships, they freak me out.
The one and only thing he's ever done is touch the back of my hands on a really cold day which seemed a bit out of character.
I suppose I've known him around a year. He's a good person. All our conversations have been professional and he doesn't respond in a chatty way even given the opportunity.
I see him every week or so in passing. Hopefully less so over the summer. I need it to stop.

To you, but I don't think you have the balls to contact him. I was in the same boat too. Regret that I didn't have enough gumption to do something about it.
Fellas can be cowardly as well; someone has to make a move.

I think Prof has already bought the card! do send it, Prof - you have less to lose than I do and it sound like it's much more mutual

Wasninah, AnotherPrick, Muddle and Prof, I've just got in and I've read over your last comments. It's so good to know that I'm not the only one who freezes up when interacting with a guy I'm attracted to.

Tomorrow is a public holiday here in France. Tuesday morning car mechanic chap is coming over with his boss to pick up my Jag. I just don't know how to play it. I feel foolish even to use the word 'play'.

I understand some of you regret not having made your interest clear; there's talk of missed opportunities which I can understand completely.

I'm not sure whether to be smiley and natural - natural for me means being outgoing and fairly tactile with people I like but not those I fancy - or a little more cautious as I'm scared as hell he likes me but not as much as I like him. I feel as though I need to regain control of myself.

Blunt question (please don't be shocked) if a guy is attracted to you but perhaps still recovering from a breakup would he be interested in a little lighthearted fun or not?

I suppose it depends on the man Thisis but generally I would say yes probably. He is probably weary of getting hurt too so it might suit him to have some fun and affection without the emotional risks of a full blown relationship.
Are you likely to get any time alone with him tomorrow?

Was do you know anything about him outside of his professional capacity? Is he single? I felt the same in terms of not wanting to like him - I was quite annoyed at myself for having feelings j didn't want to have. Now I'm just annoyed at myself for not being braver. Are you going to be seeing him regularly indefinitely or is there an 'end date' for when you will be involved in what he does?
*
AnotherPrick* agree not all men find it easy either. The regret is a bit hollow and haunting isn't it, have you met anyone else you like?

This, I think it's exactly what a bloke in his situation (recovering) would be interested in - you said yourself that he quickly changes GFs currently. I'd be a lot more worried if you wanted a relationship instead! Btw I very much dount that he likes you less physically (than you like him) - he's been flirting quite a lot with you! And if you meant emtionally, it doesn't matter if you are after a fling! I think something will happen between you - try to get the boss out of the house though!

As to how to act - hmm, without knowing him hard to say. Normally I'd say, show your interest but not verbally if you can't face just offering him a drink. If you are just there with him, and you hold eye contact or smile - he will say something, I'm sure. Or you could put a very cool and bold act on, and pretend you aer a known actress and how would she casually ask a man whether he'd like to meet up outside his work - or whether he'd like to stay at your place for a drink. That's if you feel too shy in yourself, I mean - nothing wrong just being yourself. I also always thought that French men are not as cripplingly shy as the English (especially when it comes to light flings) and from what you've said he's not shy (even if reserved) so I think he'll respond to any light initiative from you.

Uncanny, Prof - I'm not that far from you! been to York a couple of times last year (and before) and like it a lot! amazing how several people on this thread have a connection to Yorks. Previously I've always been a Londoner (as an adult) but now that this thread s on, I'm much further north!

Single as far as I'm aware. Could go on seeing for quite a while. Feel a bit better about it all now. Will only see a couple of times before the summer and hopefully things are back in proportion again!