I've met someone and want to ask him out

[ProfessorPickles]

I've recently met someone who has really taken me by surprise. I've been single for around 3 years now, apart from a short relationship, and I'd had very little interest in men for a long time until I met him.

He's good looking but what got me by surprise is his personality, he's very smiley and has a great sense of humour. He makes me laugh and is a genuinely nice person. I haven't met someone who's even caught my eye for a long, long time so it's a little bit exciting!

The problem however, is that he's a teacher at my university. Not my teacher, but I have contact with him occasionally.
We are a similar age (I'm a slightly older student) and I will be leaving in 2 months so would wait until then.

I have no idea if he is interested in me too, but I can't believe I've had my head turned after so long of being adamant I was going to be happily alone forever so I feel it would be foolish to just ignore it.

My idea was to give him a 'thank you' card/gift as I am leaving (for helping with my work, I'll be giving them to two other members of staff) and put my number inside. I thought this would be good so he can choose to take it or leave it, as it's potentially a little bit inappropriate?
If he isn't interested he can simply ignore it to spare me the embarrassment of asking to his face! Although, I've known several teachers to get together with students once they've left so I suppose it isn't that radical of an idea.

Best case scenario: We go on a date, fall in love, get married, have children and tour the country with our family band.

Worst case scenario: He never contacts me and life goes on.

It's worth a try surely?

I think what you are doing is perfect Prof it's to the point but not confrontational/awkward, it's absolutely spot on. And very exciting for us you.

Ah but you will regret it Thisis what's the worst that could happen?

Bless you Muddlewitch!

There's always the niggling worry in my mind that I depend on my structure since my future ex-husband left and the garage which takes care of my car is part of support system. Of course I could find another garage but they are excellent and reasonably priced and very efficient too.

So, the worse that could happen is that I shame myself and then feel compelled to find another garage.

On the other hand since I refuse to be overt about things with him there won't be any thing embarrassing to run away from.

Goodness, I am pathetic.

Where are you two from? I live in Yorkshire

If you are asking me ProfPickles I live in France. I've been living there for eighteen years now.

I did my MA in York. Just had to get that in because I absolutely adored Yorkshire!

Have you mentioned that to me before ThisIs? It's lovely talking to people on here and I always wonder what people look like, where they live etc
York is lovely isn't it! What did you study?

York! Oh, ProfPickles it was a fab twelve months. I knew Leeds and Harrogate well beforehand because my best friend had moved up there after school. I got my first car when I lived in York and had a friend who knew Yorkshire really well so we explored the Dales and the coast, etc. Such happy memories.

Can I ask you where you live?

Just for info, I lived on the Normandy coast for eight years, Paris for four and now I've been in Tours in the Loire Valley for almost seven. Time flies.

Hmm I know what you mean about the support system I have built one too, but sometimes I think it holds me back. If anything happened between you it would be exactly that - between both of you so him as well, why would you need to be embarrassed to use the garage again? If something happened and it all went wrong then you would either:

-Use the garage still, accept it would be a bit awkward for both of you the first time but then it would probably be ok after and just revert to a professional relationship.

-Or, you would find a different garage to use, which would widen your support network but in a way that puts you in control (as you are the paying customer) and which might have a fit mechanic too

Both of those options are ok, and that's only the worst case options, the potential best case scenarios are great

I'm in Hampshire. When are you next seeing the tutor Prof?

Oh, Hampshire! My sister lives in Winchester, Muddlewitch.

And your logic is beautifully positive and pretty spot on. Yes, you are right; my structure is secure but really holds me back too.

Perhaps you and I should encourage each other to get out of our comfort zone?

You really have lived allover, haven't you! Is that due to work?
I live in South Yorkshire, I don't wish to be too specific although I've probably outed myself many a time on here
Sometimes I lie to try throw people off track and put DD instead of DS for example

I have no set time I will be seeing him ever again I'm afraid, I just have to make blatant excuses to go and see him. I took something down for him to work on that I didn't even need doing last week I felt slightly guilty but I really felt like there was something, I can't stop thinking about him since! I was starting to relax about it all, but now I'm all gooey and soppy

Listen, ProfPickles, if I look back on some of my relationships I'm pretty certain I orchestrated things in the beginning - not unlike you finding excuses to see him - and it was a good way to open the way! Please don't feel guilty. You are a woman on a mission!

The past couple of months I had to wait weeks before seeing this guy for a matter of minutes. It was/is becoming harder and harder to bear. I bet you feel the same way, right? You get your fix when you see him and then you feel better and then the days pass....

Agghhhh!

I totally respect your wish to remain incognito. TBH I've lived in quite a few other places aside from those mentioned (I'm in my mid forties now)... mostly for work, yes.

My mum's French so we were raised bilingual which made moving to France a lot easier.

I am not too far from Winchester, I was working there this week in fact.

Yes to stretching out our comfort zones a bit, I don't want to look back in years to come and regret all the years i hid away in my safe zone, it keeps me safe but sometimes keeps me sad too.

Prof, it is coming up to the end of your course isn't it? Goodness, I remember what a hectic time that was, I would imagine there might be quite a lot of Jobs over the next few weeks that you could do with his support on, just to make sure everything gets done before you finish and you get the best result you can. So that your career allows for the lovely home with roses round the door to raise your joint children in

Cross posted with Thisis - totally agree, I think an awful lot of relationships that men think they started were orchestrated in advance by the woman.

It is coming to the end yep! Unfortunately, there's not much I can get away with asking him to help me with :( I just have to make up excuses and call in, I keep trying to catch him alone but with the time of year he's constantly busy helping a lot of students so I get a couple of minutes and that's about it.

I keep imagining the day I go down and give him the card and I keep hoping he will ask me himself and I can go "open the card!"

That's a good point actually ThisIs, I think men sometimes like to think they were the one to make a move when the woman sometimes makes a lot of effort too!!

Do you need me and Thisis to stand guard and rugby tackle other approaching students next time so that you can see him alone? We are looking for things to get us out of our comfort zone..

I feel that could be an excellent first step towards leaving your comfort zones

I've been hooked on this from the start OP!

We're all rooting for you!

I'm on for it Muddlewitch and Prof! A good excuse to get back to Yorkshire!

Thank you Stiff!! I'm really excited

You will need your car servicing before that trip Thisis, ooh it's all coming together

Then we will find you a fella Muddle, and we can all meet up

Good point Muddlewitch. Pity I cannot bring him with me just in case I break down on the way!

Actually if this attraction has taught me something it's 'never say never'. I've always been a bit of a sucker for intellectual men, silly of me I know. And now I'm getting drawn by a man who is wonderfully competent in his job but anything but intellectual. Mind you, he's already displayed a much sharper sense of logic than me, which is not saying much, really! Anyway, he's ever so good with his hands!!!

OK, Prof, we are servicing our cars and getting ready to meet up in beautiful Yorkshire. Muddlewitch, you're going to find that attraction thing again some time soon.

TBH, for obvious reasons, I'm going to keep my options open too...

Well, come find yourselves a Yorkshire bloke

I think keeping your options open is a good thing. It's funny how some people just have something about them that draws you in, isn't it? Even if they are not your usual type.

When the men of Yorkshire see my rugby tackling skills, I'll have my pick. But I will avoid all eye contact in case they affect me