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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I've met someone and want to ask him out

949 replies

ProfessorPickles · 25/04/2016 22:30

I've recently met someone who has really taken me by surprise. I've been single for around 3 years now, apart from a short relationship, and I'd had very little interest in men for a long time until I met him.

He's good looking but what got me by surprise is his personality, he's very smiley and has a great sense of humour. He makes me laugh and is a genuinely nice person. I haven't met someone who's even caught my eye for a long, long time so it's a little bit exciting! Smile

The problem however, is that he's a teacher at my university. Not my teacher, but I have contact with him occasionally.
We are a similar age (I'm a slightly older student) and I will be leaving in 2 months so would wait until then.

I have no idea if he is interested in me too, but I can't believe I've had my head turned after so long of being adamant I was going to be happily alone forever so I feel it would be foolish to just ignore it.

My idea was to give him a 'thank you' card/gift as I am leaving (for helping with my work, I'll be giving them to two other members of staff) and put my number inside. I thought this would be good so he can choose to take it or leave it, as it's potentially a little bit inappropriate?
If he isn't interested he can simply ignore it to spare me the embarrassment of asking to his face! Although, I've known several teachers to get together with students once they've left so I suppose it isn't that radical of an idea.

Best case scenario: We go on a date, fall in love, get married, have children and tour the country with our family band.

Worst case scenario: He never contacts me and life goes on.

It's worth a try surely? Grin

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ProfessorPickles · 13/05/2016 10:04

He passed me something and we both held onto it every so slightly longer than is normal grinning at eachother Grin Christ I hope I'm not imagining this cause I sound mental

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MagicMoonstone · 13/05/2016 10:06

And my OH is asking why I'm smiling at my phone.... this is just too ooh sweet

ProfessorPickles · 13/05/2016 10:28

That is sweet magic! I'm pleased I have made you smile Smile
I honestly had the biggest grin on my face walking down the corridor after popping in to see him! I couldn't wipe it off my face haha.

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MagicMoonstone · 13/05/2016 10:37

Please don't make us wait another 4 weeks Blush

ProfessorPickles · 13/05/2016 10:49

I wish I didn't have to wait too!! I want to do it now but I can't :(
He had a tighter fitting top on than usual which was quite nice Blush

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MagicMoonstone · 13/05/2016 10:50

I wonder how many pages this thread will have in 4 weeks time? Shock

ProfessorPickles · 13/05/2016 10:58

I'm quite surprised it's got this far if I'm honest!

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teablanket · 13/05/2016 11:04

I feel a bit pathetic, this thread is making me feel so giddy, haha!

ProfessorPickles · 13/05/2016 11:27

I hope I don't disappoint you all Grin

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ThisIsTheRightTime · 13/05/2016 14:22

I'm rooting for you Prof!

I feel compelled to add re: my chap that my opinion of him is no less. I truly think he is a good person with good intentions. I simply do not wish to put myself out there for somebody who is not free in his head. My husband left twelve months ago and I could not even have envisaged any sort of relationship with a man prior to a couple of months ago. I respect the fact that car mechanic man is hurting because of his girlfriend breaking up after seven years together. I also see clearly that there is an attraction between us but mixed messages for me spells a very clear message; he is not ready.

I still think only positive things about him. Smile

Muddlewitch · 13/05/2016 14:34

I love this thread.

I have said this on here before but I had someone with whom I had those lovely lingering looks/moments, but I was too scared to do anything about it and I regret it so much - if I had given it a go and got rejected it would just be a dim and distant memory by now definitely go for it!

Won't this be a lovely thread to show your future grandchildren Grin

ProfessorPickles · 13/05/2016 21:27

I'm glad you still like him ThisIs, but I understand your reasons for feeling less interested!
Thank you for rooting for me Smile I really don't feel I can wait!

Sorry to hear you regret not taking your chance Muddle, I imagine it must be awful. What happened if you don't mind me asking?
Definitely one for the grandkids! Grin

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Muddlewitch · 14/05/2016 16:11

I was a scaredy cat, I really really liked him and that frightened me as I was resolutely single (and still am.) It went on for ages dancing round each other, but the couple of times we could have had 'the conversation' I was too scared and dodged it. Lots of reasons really but none that, a year on, I think are that important but at the time I hid behind them. It's too late now as we don't see each other any more, but my goodness I regret not trying - if I had and it had gone wrong I would be well over it by now!

Did you go for the card you showed us upthread in the end? I think it's just right - nice 'proper' card but not soppy/ cheesy.

ThisIsTheRightTime · 14/05/2016 16:15

Muddlewitch I think this kind of happened with this guy who started showing me his interest in March. I was not ready for any kind of relationship, whether it be lighthearted or serious, and I didn't dare reciprocate to his flirtation. I think I've missed for boat ...maybe not, but I completely understand your regrets.

Shyness and fear are most certainly obstacles in such cases.

ProfessorPickles · 14/05/2016 16:43

What a shame Muddle, but I can definitely understand as a couple of years ago I would have been just the same as you. I don't know if you were only shy because you liked him, but I was painfully shy from being a little girl right up to a couple of years ago then all of a sudden I've changed completely. Being too shy and too anxious is an awful feeling because I remember being aware of how much I was missing out on but was too scared to act.
It's scary to put yourself out there to possibly be rejected! I keep having moments of "what on earth am I even thinking" about this.

Yes I went with the card up thread, it should be delivered soon! I'm glad you think it's nice, I thought the same because the majority were very feminine, had an odd theme or were bland!

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Muddlewitch · 14/05/2016 16:45

Yes that's it, meeting someone or any kind of relationship just wasn't even on my radar, it totally panicked me when I realised I had feelings for him, that 'out of the blue' strike hadn't happened to me before even with my ex, I'm usually a ponderer SmileNo one has ever looked at me like he did, and I have a horrible feeling no one ever will again.

So, if it turned out you hadn't missed the boat would you go for it this time do you think? Do you feel more ready now?

Muddlewitch · 14/05/2016 16:51

I always think cards are a minefield Prof they are either really gushing to the point of nausea or really formal, that one looked perfect.

I've always been a bit shy and overthinking but think it was also that I was so determinedly single that I actively didn't want to feel anything for him (or anyone) and was quite terrified (and borderline angry with myself) that I did anyway BlushI just stick to trying to look at anyone these days in case they catch me unawares again Grin

Muddlewitch · 14/05/2016 16:51

*not to look at anyone

ThisIsTheRightTime · 14/05/2016 16:59

Oh Muddlewitch please don't think for one moment that the magic of mutual attraction won't happen to you again. Life is full of surprises plenty of which are good ones.

I'm always amazed that a man should even me interested in me so I completely understand. My mind needs to reflect and I am way too shy to express my feelings whether it be with words or body language. The other day a friend of mine was with me when this man was around. She couldn't believe the transformation; usually I'm a very outgoing, friendly, maybe even flirtatious person. However, as soon as a man shows me any interest I clam up. I wish I could be a little more like ProfPickles with the lighthearted flirting she's indulged in; good for her!

I would like to have a place in his life but we are not longterm relationship material which, tbh, suits me fine; he's much younger and just out of a longterm relationship. I'm out of a very difficult marriage, have been single for over a year (hurrah) and am just looking for frivolity. I like him not just for his looks (how shallow that would be) but because he reassures me. He's down to earth and kind and a damned fine professional; very different to my ex husband.

So, to answer your question Muddlewitch, I am ready for something but I need to tread carefully. Mutual respect is vital to me.

Muddlewitch · 14/05/2016 17:08

Yes I can understand that completely, it's a very delicate balance to get something that is not too serious but is still based on respect, isn't it? You are quite right to tread carefully but do let yourself have some fun too, you sound like you could be good for each other as long if you can get past this awkward first bit of understanding/expectations.

ThisIsTheRightTime · 14/05/2016 17:24

A thoughtful, kind answer, thank you Muddlewitch.

ThisIsTheRightTime · 14/05/2016 17:26

Someone will catch you unawares again Muddlewitch. Of that I am sure.

Muddlewitch · 14/05/2016 18:50

If that happens you will see a very panicked thread appear on here Wink

ProfessorPickles · 14/05/2016 19:09

We will be keeping our eyes pealed then! Grin
Maybe you will even be being a wuss and asking them out indirectly via a card like me Blush

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ThisIsTheRightTime · 14/05/2016 19:16

I'm half debating being out when my chap comes with his boss to pick up my Jag on Tuesday. Someone will have to bring the car back at some time so all is not lost. So, who's being the wuss now, ProfPickles? Wink

Shyness strikes again. Especially after the close encounter we had the other night.

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