The silent treatment

[SeventyNineBottlesOfWine]

I hope someone can give me some advice or find some way to help me stop feeling so wretched about all of this.

I have a male friend who I've known for over ten years.

When we have a disagreement over something, he will convey his displeasure by ignoring me and not interacting with me at all for weeks, yet will carry on as normal with all our other friends.

This latest time, he has not spoken to me for over two weeks. I tried acting blase about it and still made attempts to communicate all of which were ignored.

Last night he finally contacted me to tell me he was annoyed about something I said and didn't feel ready to converse with me yet.

After two weeks of being made to feel completely worthless and invisible, I responded to him by telling him that many times he has also upset me by the things he's said, but that I will always make a point of discussing it with him and have never just shut him out.

He seemed to see sense as he has now text me to say "This is ridiculous, let's meet up for coffee and sort this out"

However, I'm now left feeling unsure as to whether I want to sort this out.

I got no sleep last night and have been feeling very upset and anxious about it all for 2 weeks.

It's not the first time he's done this and I'm not sure that I want to be friends with someone who will go to such great lengths to cause upset to me by actively ostracising me for such lengths of time.

What would you do in my position?

so cross on your behalf, thing is I suspect you are their scapegoat whilst he treats you so unkindly he's pleasant with all the - makes their life easier doesn't it?

He sounds like a milder, but still sadistic version of your DF

His girl friends sound like they are backing him up and accepting his behaviour like your DM must have done of your DF

Can you see the similarity

Drop them all

I am trying my best to be strong, but finding it very hard.

It's not just him and the two female friends there is also another two males and another female who all hang out together in one group.

I've defended the other female numerous times when she's been gossiped about behind her back at times when she's been absent from meet ups.

I should have worked out from their treatment of her that I'd probably get something similar if I didn't tow the line.

I think this has been a huge learning curve for me, but a painful one none the less.

Sorry you're finding it hard. Perfectly understandable.

The thing is, you're giving this lot far more credence than they deserve. You believe in them too much. They are behaving like school kids yet that feeds into your historic abandonment and rejection, hence very painful. Indeed

As time goes on, you get to see that the people who rejected and abandoned you (one) way back were also behaving like school kids; and that we really don't have to give them much credence.

Pearls before swine, basically.

I started out this thread thinking perhaps you should give him one last chance, but as I read on my predominant thought was to wonder why you've stayed friends with this arsehole for such a long time. If the others can't see him for what he is, they're no loss either.

Good idea to block them. Now, the ultimate revenge: live well, have such a brilliant life you never think about them again. Any time you find yourself thinking about them, wishing what might have been, remind yourself how great the rest of your life us going to be , nothing to do with them. Think 'what i am doing now...' And enjoy.

Please don't worry about the gossip! That is all about them, not you. Be completely oblivious to it. Any response from you will be entertainment for them, and prolong your insult. They need to feed off of others for their pathetic self-validation...they will move on to someone else soon enough (the other girl in the group will be their new target, and expect them to groom a newbie in the mean time as well). Not inviting you isn't so much directed at you. They will be throwing a lot of parties to throw out their drag net to see who they can replace you with, to suck in to provide their ego narcissistic supply.

You do not care what they think anymore. Stay out of their way and let them get on with it. (Kids throwing sand in the sandbox.)

Stay away from get the hell off of Facebook too. Truly, you are just hugging the hot burner on the stove when you go looking. Start a traditional hobby like quilting or knitting/crocheting/cross stitch to focus your attention on while you detox from them.