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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Brave Babes Battle Bus is Racing Along.....

998 replies

venusandmars · 23/04/2016 23:52

Our lovely mouseface usually starts these threads but I've just noticed that the previous one is almost full, so I'm facing technology and get the next one set up.

Anyone, absolutely anyone, who feels they have a problem with drink is welcome here. Whether you're trying to stop, or cut down a little, whether you've been sober for years, or even if you're too scared even to contemplate what is happening. If you think it will help you to post, or lurk, then please do.

There's often a lot of nonsense and banter, but lots of good sound advice.

And there is always lots of support and care and no judgement.

This is the link to the previous thread, if you want to read what's been going on so far The Previous Thread

And this is the link to JesusWhatNext 's original thread started 6 years ago The Original Thread

OP posts:
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11
babyjane1 · 27/05/2016 16:08

obrigada that's amazing, that gives me hope I might lose a stone.

At the body attack class someone had a fit bit that ran up 900 calories during the class so that should speed things up a bit, keep me posted on your progress, it's inspiring, you go girl!!! Xx

halle don't worry about the past, the things I've done in my wee village, walking to the shop pissed at 10 in the morning, all the staff know that. Now I reckon no one should judge my past, it's not where you start it's where you finish.

I still lie in bed at night and my mind goes back to all the things I've done and said to people I love but equally I thank whoevers up there for giving me the strength to get to here. The biggest change is in my kids, my eldest is a teenager and doesn't have much to say, she's very reserved but I got a birthday card saying "although I don't say it very often, I'm so proud of you and so glad you found your way back to us and I wouldn't swap you for the world". That made my day, if she can forgive me, I can forgive myself. I now know I'm a good person that went through bad things. You should feel the same, the past is gone, it has no power but the future is ours to enjoy and be who we want to be and your proving that point beautifully xxx

wry you are an amazing presence on our bus, if you felt the need to raise an issue then I'd bet my sobriety it was needed. In your job mistakes could mean life or death and id gladly put mine in your hands. Your posts reek of humour but let us see the person you are, with your kind words to others, it's a warm feeling when you give a babe a mention, makes every one of us feel special, and that my lovely friend is a very special gift, never stop being you, ever xxx

elba your pain jumps out at me in every post, it worries me and I think of you so often. I relate to the need to drink to alleviate pain, I remember actually gagging on wine while trying to down an entire bottle, then trying hold it in before vomitting. I just wanted to disappear, it's an awful feeling but there is light at the end of the tunnel. I had to go through the dt's several times, spewing blood from both ends. I don't know how I survived but I did and I'm bloody determined you will get out of this cycle.

I initially went to a private councillor, it felt less sensored and you can tell them anything, it's time for you to find the courage to let out your pain and only then can the healing begin.

I hope you can trust me on this subject, I know a lot about it. If I could leap out of your phone and hug you for a long time I would so please accept a virtual but very heartfelt one from me. Xxx

Right running out of juice so back later to catch up with everyone else, your all so special to me xxx

Lalaladida · 27/05/2016 16:16

Hi all, sorry I vanished last night. Had a fuse trip and had to spend about an hour groping around in the dark for first a candle, then a torch, then the fuse box. Not the most fun I've ever had.

Hi elba hope you are having a good day. Belated happy birthday to baby and how amazing is your daughter? Bless her. wry you do make me laugh. pink, halle, ma and everyone else, how are you all?

Elba84 · 27/05/2016 17:42

baby thank you so much, your kind words and hugs are very much appreciated. You've been through so much and come out the other side, and it really does give me (and I'm sure others) hope and inspiration. I think private counselling is the way forward for the moment, like you said I censor what I tell people when it could get on my medical record. My nhs counsellor has been amazing, but I only have two sessions left and I haven't been totally honest about the drinking so I think now is the time to find someone I can be totally honest with.

Good luck with the dieting, body attack sounds pretty intense! And a belated happy birthday! Xxx

Better day today, been in the garden reading and even treated myself to an ice cream. Next task is to cook and eat the curry that I didn't manage last night. Working the whole of the bank holiday weekend, and then straight onto nights Tuesday. Won't go as far as to say I'm looking forward to it, but realised I'm more relaxed today as I've got a few days coming where I just can't binge drink and I have to eat and generally be sensible, and hopefully fit in another AF day or two. I don't cope well with days off when I have nothing planned, so all the more reason to just concentrate on staying well enough to work, otherwise I will just self destruct completely. My GP, lovely as she is, just doesn't get this and offers me a note pretty much every time is see her, so now I'm sort of censoring what I tell her in case she insists. I know I'm safe to work, which is the main thing, and would be told pretty quick if I wasn't.

obrigada well done on your stone award!

Hey lala hope you've had a good day.

pink sorry things are so hard, you sound so down. Have you got proper support and someone to sound of to in real life? Thinking of you and sending virtual hugs xxx

Hi to everyone else!

dementedma · 27/05/2016 19:33

Happy Birthday baby .You are an absolute inspiration. Truly

dementedma · 27/05/2016 20:28

I swear if dh doesn't stop burping,farting and how hiccuping - great gulping hiccups - I'm going to fucking murder him! I am tired. I made a colleague with 25 years of service redundant today and feel like shit. Don't need his bodily functions accompanying the evening while he watches fucking football yet again!!!!Angry

Mrsmimsy · 27/05/2016 20:32

Feeling contemplative tonight. Thinking of you all. Wry I don't know your story but hugs. Elba, you remind me of a younger me... ma I just love and respect you and Halle.. you are becoming an inspiration. Claret and hope...where are you? I am drinking, wasn't going too...but it is bank holiday..

Mrsmimsy · 27/05/2016 20:37

Also happy birthday baby, you are one hell of a brave babe. Sorry you sound like you are getting stressed ma, deep breaths and all that xx

Mrsmimsy · 27/05/2016 20:40

Sorry to hog the thread but those wanting to lose weight, a strict low carb but high fat diet always works wonders for me. Drop bread and rice and pasta, eat full fat yogurt and fruit and nuts, cheese and eggs etc. Didn't believe it would work till I did it with my diabetic mum to spur her on. It's been a relevation.

babyjane1 · 27/05/2016 20:43

ma thank you for that lovely post, means a lot coming from you. I hope your feeling a bit brighter now, I don't like to think of you sad. Squishy hug time xxxxx

lala Crikey what a week you've had. I wondered can't your mum look after your pup? I'm sorry your reunion with your now ex didn't work out but I have to say reading your funny sassy posts I think you could do a lot better. If he doesn't appreciate you he's an eejit!!xx

pink you sound so sad, your wee heart is clearly breaking. It sounds like your ex isn't taking responsibility for his actions which I presume included physical violence. Sometimes we fall in love with what we want to believe a person is or can be, sometimes even try to "save" their souls but whilst I know your hurting I think you know you deserve a better life for you and your kids, I hate to think of you so upset and I hope you keep posting, it's so important to have support through the dark days and we have lots of that on here from these fabulous women, your heart will heal, just keep posting and know your not alone xxx

Big huge hugs to claret joey looking, your sounding like a different woman, venus oh wise one and indie and mouse if your out there. Sorry if I forgot anyone, my memory is crap!!!

It sounds so ridiculous and far fetched when I say how possible it is to give up the booze and live a life rich and fulfilling but it really and truly can be.

What I love most about every brave babe on here is the guts, courage and compassion shown by everyone, even when we fail, we don't really fail, we just learn a little more along our journey.

My life is all the richer for knowing all of you and I'm proud to stand beside every one of you and we will always live to fight another day.

Cheesy I know but utterly true xxx

babyjane1 · 27/05/2016 21:58

Sorry Cross posted ma yes indeed men are pretty vile!!! What a horrible task you had to do, I'm sure knowing you as we do there was no other way, maybe with new funding he could return?? Chin up lovely purple lady xxx

mumsy'thank you so much, nice to hear from you lovely xxx

Mrsmimsy · 27/05/2016 22:08

I like that Baby, that we learn a little more on our journey. I know that when I found this bus years ago, it's been a source of comfort even though I have lurked. To know I wasn't alone. And I have come much further in those years than I would alone. Week long af spells. No longer hiding wine in wardrobes. My Oh has just got annoyed as I poured him a whiskey in a brandy glass. He has gone down to change it to a whiskey glass. There weren't any clean I couldd see! Maybe it's sad that I can just drink anything oyt of any old glass mug or tumbler?? In aug to hide it when people pop round at teatime :-(

Mrsmimsy · 27/05/2016 22:09

In a mug that should say x

babyjane1 · 27/05/2016 22:18

So sorry mimsy I'm certain your not mumsy in any way, duh me xx

Elba84 · 27/05/2016 22:32

I also like the idea that we learn a little more baby, I think from posting our 'failures' here we can reflect on them and for me that has meant that I've learnt loads. And had lots of insight and advice from others.

On that note, I'm really realising that life would be much simpler without the constant battle over how much I drink...once I start its so hard to stop, and I don't stop unless I have reason to the next day. I have a 5am start tomorrow and I'm 'moderating' and calculating units so (I hope) I'm not over the limit. This isn't the same as having a couple of glasses to relax...it's stressful and I'm struggling to stop and go to bed and wish I just hadn't started. This is a full on addiction and I need to face up to that.

baby your sober life would of been something I was terrified of a few months ago, but it's becoming something I can aspire to, thanks to you and the other lovely people on here. I started posting with the aim of controlling my drinking so I didn't get to the point I had to stop altogether, but for some of us I think that is the easiest (and best) way forward.

I'm sorry, I realise I'm posting a lot and I've been quite negative recently, and massively self absorbed. Hopefully I will sort myself out and be a bit more supportive, but in the meantime thank you all so much again Flowers

Halleberry · 27/05/2016 23:04

Evening all. Been out a walk tonight and had a long soak in the bath and now snuggled in bed with a cuppa and a biscuit. So amazing to wake up every Mornin and make the decision "I am NOT going to drink today" and then get on with whatever else U have planned, honestly it's so much more relaxing and nice not having that argument in your head all day "will I, won't i? Why shouldn't i, I deserve it, ive worked hard today etc etc". What ur body and mind deserve is a break, (even if its just a short one) but a break from alcohol. I have a friend who drinks day on, day off, day on, day off. I can't wait to cuddle in and have a good sleep, get up early with bubs and plan my day. I contacted an old school friend the other day. I feel bad cause we always seen eachbither occasionally but she was to boring for me cause she didn't drink. She actually couldn't drink because of health issues (kidneys or something) anyway I sort of shut her out Sad but im meeting up with her tomorrow for a cuppa. I can't wait to see her. She will be sober and not even suggest a drink, and when I look back, it wasn't her that was boring. It was me. She could sit and chat away perfectly confident without the aid of alcohol but I was to busy thinking about drinking I was never really properly listening to her. She is T Totak because she HAS to be and when I look at her life she has an amazing one even tho it does t include alcohol. She has. Better social Life than Me. Although as you probably all have found out wen it starts to become a problem you retreat into yourself and drink alone a lot whilst crying Nd listening to celine dion and sayin to yourself why me why me lol. Alcohol ends up isolating you more. Abywah you're all amazing and helping me more than you can imagine. How are we all tonight xxx

soberisthenewblack168 · 28/05/2016 08:22

Morning all just checking in.
elba I haven't read through the all if the thread but I noticed that you are thinking of private therapy. I am doing that now to cope with all the crap from my childhood which my mothers cancer diagnosis has thrown up. I resisted it for so long but it has been great as I can rant and rave about my crappy childhood and no one judges or looks uncomfortable. My therapist has also given me some insight into why my DM behaves the way that she does and that has been really helpful.
I have also downloaded the Headspace app which offers a free trial and I have stuck with it and signed up. and I never stick at anything
My brain actually misses it now if I skip a day.
Sorry not to post and fun but will be back later

soberisthenewblack168 · 28/05/2016 08:23

sorry to post and run

onehellofaride · 28/05/2016 08:36

Good morning all, had 3 glasses of wine while I was out last night but then came home and drank just over half a bottle. Not a huge amount but utterly pointless, there was no need to open the bottle!

Hope everyone is ok, looks like sun today and I've got a busy one!

Pinkballetflats · 28/05/2016 10:29

Morning all.

What's everyone's plans for the weekend.

Thank you all for your support.

X

Lalaladida · 28/05/2016 10:54

Ugh. Hungover. Was trying to be good, took dog up to waitrose to stock up for while I am away, got chatting to some random guy on the way home and ended up in the pub. Now I am feeling rough, and someone is coming over to meet puppy as he is going to be puppy sitting while I have to go away, house is a complete tip. And I feel too rough to do anything about it. Please send cleaning fairies my way. Stupid alcohol, once again, ruining my day and my good intentions. Although, actually it was me who made the choice to drink it, so stupid stupid stupid me.

Sorry, feeling v sorry for myself after this horrendous week. Hope all are ok

Pinkballetflats · 28/05/2016 11:49

You've been having a really rough time, Lala.

Yes, alcohol is not the best coping mechanism.

Tomorrow is another day.

When I'm really down my house gets messy too: I find starting is the hardest part but once I do I'm on a roll. I start by ignoring everything but 1 task (eg folding 10 items of laundry) and go from there.

Have you heard from your 'd'h?

Lalaladida · 28/05/2016 12:32

Luckily he is not my 'd' h, just my 'd' fuckwit. Yep heard from him. Basically abusive texts telling me to fuck off. Scuse my language. I don't get it? I don't think I did anything wrong?

Anyway, will stop obsessing. Need to get out and about, and this afternoon is going to be a cleaning fest, done some washing up and chucking of random stuff into cupboards, but I am still so embarassed at the state of the house (disclaimer - it is my mums house but I am stuck here for the foreseeable future, long story). She is away, and I am pretty sure that the house stinks of dog, even though she is only allowed downstairs. Sprayed some febreeze about to try and mask it. Sorry, I sound like a complete and utter cretin.

Just off to meet puppy sitter. Wouldn't blame him if he ran screaming on taking one look at the place. Plus my hangover is really kicking in. Talk me out of having a glass of wine to calm myself down...

Pinkballetflats · 28/05/2016 13:53

You didn't do anything wrong, LaLa.

Have you read Lundy Bancroft's book?

Pinkballetflats · 28/05/2016 13:54

NO WINE!

What is it going to solve?

Nothing.

More of a hangover is just going to make you more lethargic and add to your stress when you don't meet your own agenda

Lalaladida · 28/05/2016 14:30

I know I know I know!