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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Brave Babes Battle Bus is Racing Along.....

998 replies

venusandmars · 23/04/2016 23:52

Our lovely mouseface usually starts these threads but I've just noticed that the previous one is almost full, so I'm facing technology and get the next one set up.

Anyone, absolutely anyone, who feels they have a problem with drink is welcome here. Whether you're trying to stop, or cut down a little, whether you've been sober for years, or even if you're too scared even to contemplate what is happening. If you think it will help you to post, or lurk, then please do.

There's often a lot of nonsense and banter, but lots of good sound advice.

And there is always lots of support and care and no judgement.

This is the link to the previous thread, if you want to read what's been going on so far The Previous Thread

And this is the link to JesusWhatNext 's original thread started 6 years ago The Original Thread

OP posts:
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11
cauliflowercheese14 · 23/05/2016 21:13

I know it might sound trite, but it really messes me up for weeks when it happens.

muddlejumble · 23/05/2016 21:27

It doesn't sound trite cauliflower Could you go to that get together and then try for a break where you are AF. If there is one thing that stops me from staying AF it's the feeling that I'm somehow missing out when others are enjoying a few drinks. I don't want to stop - I want to be in control. But it's something I've never been able to do. I'm definitely doing June AF. I'm not out of control at the moment. I'm at around 40 units so I'm not drunk all the time. I'm not drinking in the mornings. I'm not taking time off work. It's not causing me masses of problems but it's too much and it's enough to make it difficult for me to cope with my life. This is just so bloody difficult!

Halleberry · 23/05/2016 21:37

I didn't mean that to sound bad cauliflower like "you don't have a problem so why you even here". I didn't mean it like that at all. Thought maybe you would have liked to hear that if it's only once or twice a year maybe you don't actually have a problem. If you can control your intake and knkw when to stop MOST of the time that usually means there's not much to worry about. It's people like me who try and control it and continually fail to do so! It's horrible xx

Lalaladida · 23/05/2016 21:47

Evening all. And well done halle - really proud of you. Keep up the good work!

Just a quick one this evening, things with 'd'p aren't good. I feel suffocated by him, and totally fed up of having to clear up after him the whole time. He has spent the evening telling me how to look after the puppy, after I asked him not to get her all riled up so she gets all bitey. He then told me I was an arsehole and a monster when I asked him to stop it, and also to take his shoes off in the house. Oh and apparently he is annoyed becuAuse I have been hugely stressed with work, and apparently, it's my job to entertain him in the evening.

I am stressed, puppy has been put to bed, and has been barking non stop for fifteen minutes, she can clearly sense something is up. He is also drinking right now, I had a glass or two from one bottle, but he is on the second now. I have asked him to sleep downstairs as I need to sleep (huge huge huge day at work tomorrow), and quite frankly I need space away from him. He has been back for three days, THREE DAYS!

Now doubt he will come storming upstairs again in a minute for an argument, or will let the dog out or something. Fucking hell. I feel so jumpy. And I don't like it when he has been drinking, he gets angry, not sure I want to leave the puppy downstairs with him.

Sorry, that was quite long for a quick update. And apologies for the ranting. I think I have got used to being on my own while he has been away, but it's becoming very clear very quickly that I don't want to be in this relationship... Argh. Rant over

Hope you are all ok this evening.

Lalaladida · 23/05/2016 21:57

Yep, that took less than five mins for him to come storming upstairs, calling me a fucking bitch because I won't get out of bed to go downstairs and find the salt, which is where I have told him it is.

Actually getting a bit scared... Sad

Halleberry · 23/05/2016 21:59

Aw sorry lala. Puppies are hard work hunni. They are kinda like having newborn babies. I couldn't cope with a puppy again though. How long have you been with "d" p? Do you live together? Xx

Lalaladida · 23/05/2016 22:31

Oh my god. He just went absolutely nuts. Ripped my phone out of my hand, breaking the phone cover and then threw my duvet on the floor. I had to hide in the bathroom. I am literally shaking. He is getting a taxi to fuck knows where. Just happy he is not in the house anymore. I really did not need this tonight of all nights.

MaryMungoAndMidgies · 23/05/2016 23:08

Bloody hell Lala are you okay? I know it's late but can you call anyone round to stay the night?

You don't need this my dear. Go to bed, try to sleep, granted this might be a bit hard when your brain is whirring. Have a cup of camomile tea or a hot chocolate and wind down.

Sorry for not knowing this, but is it your house? If so double lock the door, you need to be safe above all else. x

lookingforhope · 24/05/2016 06:16

Lala are you ok hun??? He sounds very abusive. Are you safe?

Pinkballetflats · 24/05/2016 08:44

Oh Lala

He sounds vile. Are you ok?

obrigada · 24/05/2016 11:55

Morning babes, just checking in. Haven't had a chance to read back through thread but hope everyone is doing ok x

ClaretAndBlue30 · 24/05/2016 13:08

Busy busy here so just a quick check in to say hi...hope everyone is ok?

lala how are you lovely? Check in if you can.

welcome to newbies, you are in the right place regardless of your goals - this bus has magic powers. I calculated my units for last week as 27 which isn't too bad (for me...) ...and that's down to this lovely bus.

Sorry I can't name check, I'm back off to work now.

Halleberry · 24/05/2016 15:10

Man im gonna fall. I know I am. My two friends just "surprised" me cause I haven't been out in ages and they have brought wine. Without even thinking I hugged them and said "oh nice some wine in the sun" ..... Fuck😖fuck fuck fuck ... Goodbye sobriety.... See you tomorrow SadSad xxx

Halleberry · 24/05/2016 15:11

AGAIN Sad

Elba84 · 24/05/2016 15:45

lala how are you doing? You really, really need to find a safe way to get out of the relationship, but I think you know that. Hope work has gone ok despite everything.

will are you around??

claret 27 units is great! I like numbers and goals, with the exception of my write of of a week last week it's satisfying seeing the numbers going the right way isn't it?

halle how are you doing today?

Extremely hectic night at work, and not really managed to sleep thanks to neighbours doing noisy building work, so just been lounging in bed watching TV. BUT no drinking. Still sort of aiming to keep tonight AF too, but can't bring myself to commit to that so just going to play it hour by hour. Had 5 days AF this month so far but been a bit off the rails since my weekend away a couple of weeks ago. Managed 7 days in April so if I can add another two this week then at least wont of gone backwards.

Had to endure a colleague ranting on at me the other day about how hard life is with juggling children, husband and job and how 'lucky' I am that I only have to think about myself. I do of course realise it's hard, but her comments hurt deeply. I desperately want those things myself, I'm not lucky, despite having some good friends I'm realising I'm actually very lonely. But I keep people at a distance and just can't keep a relationship...the second someone shows they care about me I freak out and run a mile. Plus it might interfere in my drinking.

So I've realised that I can either be proactive or just continue to resign myself to being alone, drunk, self pitying, and probably dying early (deep down this has always been what I've just assumed will happen). So I'm going to commit to longer term therapy. I have three more nhs sessions left, and only just started to be able to open up. But I think private I could be more honest about the drinking from the start. I've found a profile of someone with two years drugs/alcohol counselling experience plus other experience relevant to my massively screwed up childhood. I'm actually weirdly excited about the idea of just being able to completely and honestly open up to a professional about alcohol, no brushing things off, no justifying or hiding things. I've had enough of keeping up a front, it's exhausting!

Probably going to have to jump through hoops to get the time for it, looks like it will have to be same time each week which is a bugger with shift work and an inflexible rota. I'm going to have to be brave and ask for an occupational health referral I think.

Anyway sorry for the massive essay, it's so good to be able to be open on here, but realising that I need to try and break through a bit in real life. Don't think I'd of got to this point without you all though, when I first posted here it was a huge thing to admit even anonamously how out of control things were getting, so to be contemplating actually admitting it to someone face to face is a massive step. So thank you Flowers

Elba84 · 24/05/2016 15:51

halle sorry, took me so long to write that I cross posted with you. If you are already drinking can you try now and set a limit on it? Either number of drinks, or I find a time limit is sometimes a bit easier, eg commit to stopping at 7pm?

Halleberry · 24/05/2016 16:12

I've already started. Im on my first still and feel so guilty xxx

Lalaladida · 24/05/2016 16:17

Hey babes, thank you for your concern. Still feel quite shaken up by what happened. But I am safe, got keys back and deleted and blocked all forms of contact. I feel really angry actually that he treated me like that (when will I learn from my mistakes?). Again, he is an example of how someone's personality can completely change after some a lot of drinks... Not that that is in anyway an excuse. After all I've done for him Sad

Puppy survived her incarceration today, desperately trying to find someone to dog sit her for the next few days, and then overnight as I have to go away for work for a few days. It's proving very difficult at such short notice. Was actually more upset about having to leave her on her own today, than that fuckwit's (scuse my language) behaviour.

Work was ok, despite the evening. But again, it annoys me that it would have gone better had I not had a couple of glasses last night to get over the fright and shock, and had actually had a decent night's sleep. Oh well, at least he has gone, he can find some other mug to try and control and get abusive to.

elba I think your plan to talk to a professional is a really positive step, well done. halle just try and moderate as Elba (?) suggested. pink, claret, wry, and hope thank you for your concern.

Ugh. Just ugh. Sorry this is a really selfish post. Hope you guys are all ok.

Euripidesralph · 24/05/2016 18:08

Halleberry. ...it's worth focusing on the difference between a lapse and a relapse....you have the choice now to decide which it is

Please understand guilt is a useless emotion because it will send you down a spiral.... think like this....had a drink...feel shit....well I'm just useless as I failed aren't I. ..fuck it...what's the point ...might as well have another ...have a drink...spiral continues

What you can do right now is accept....OK so you have had a drink....forgive yourself...and make the choice not to go down the spiral...this doesn't mean you've failed....congratulate yourself for posting here....bloody hell you are estranged for admitting it... and a strong woman can do anything...including deciding today is a lapse not a full relapse

I've been away from mums net for a few days but please remember I'm here if you want to pm

Halleberry · 24/05/2016 18:25

Thanks so much euri. Im keeping this page in mind while in moderating my drink (which im doing extremely well) and my friends are leaving soon so I will straight away move on to tea and biscuits. Just mad I ruined my 7 days Sad but oh well Sad

Euripidesralph · 24/05/2016 18:35

Nope it's only a lapse you can pull it back....nothing can take that 7 days away from you...just because you lapsed doesn't mean those seven days didn't happen xx

Halleberry · 24/05/2016 19:18

Oh god they are away and im in house stuffing my face with tea and chocolate .... I should have said no, im so Angry at myself xxx

Euripidesralph · 24/05/2016 19:20

Tea and chocolate are not going to hurt you.... the best thing you can do right now is give yourself a break.....you've already won if you drinking tea and not alcohol !! Congratulate yourself on that not batter yourself xx

Fairenuff · 24/05/2016 19:26

Halle I think I saw this coming when you started talking about how you might slip up. Part of you wanted to do that. It can be like a pressure cooker sometimes and now you have released it you can relax.

It's fine. Put it behind you. Drink lots and lots of tea and make sure you get an early night. Tomorrow will be your Day 7. Not in a run, no but there is no reason to let that derail you.

Just remember next time, drinking doesn't make you happy x

If you want an analogy, it's like bursting a boil. It's been building up, it's been nagging at you so you've lanced it and it's gone. Time to start to the healing, don't let an infection take hold Grin

muddlejumble · 24/05/2016 20:28

Glad you're ok lala. Hope you're alright too halle
I've slipped up again. You are right faire - drinking doesn't make you happy. It's just an escape for a while so you don't have to feel the way you feel. Even when the drink makes you feel worse!