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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH is odd mood, concerned

146 replies

cresta · 10/01/2007 13:10

I am a mixture between worried and very angry. The alarm went off at 7am this morning, I started to shuffle around etc, looked over to DH who was wide awake, the alarm is at his side so I asked him to turn off the alarm, he said "no, you do it" .

So I turned off the alarm (bit stroppy by this point) and said I was making a cuppa, did he want one...he said "no".

So I went downstairs, made a drink, made the kids breakfast, it was getting on for 7:30 so I went upstairs and asked DH if he was getting up for work, he said "no". I went back to get the kids ready for school, 8am still no sign of DH, I went back upstairs to see him lying there still wide awake! I told him he was going to be late for work and he replied "no I wont, I'm not going". I asked if he was ill and he just said "no". I was getting really wound up by this point so went back to the kids, shouted to DH that we were leaving for school and got no reply .

So anyway, I got back in the house around 10:30 and DH is sat watching tv, I asked if he'd phoned work and he said "No", I asked him what the hell was wrong and he told me to fuck off and leave him alone! . Anyway since then he's been much the same all day, the only words he's speaking are "no" and "fuck off". I don't understand, we've had no arguments, everything was fine last night, just this morning he's a completely different person, he's NEVER acted like this before.

Is he looking for attention or what??

OP posts:
vitomum · 11/01/2007 13:32

cresta, he is ill, he is a potential risk to you

GET HELP TODAY

BlueDaisy · 11/01/2007 13:32

Agree with other posters re contacting GP. BE brave - you must feel rather scared at the moment. Is there anyone you can talk to about all this, or even just the odd behaviour stuff? I hope you are OK it all sounds very worrying.

Marina · 11/01/2007 13:37

Cresta, please, please get the GP out or ring 999. He is dangerously ill and you, your children and his own wellbeing are all at risk. You would be doing this for him as well as you.
He sounds as though he is beyond being reached by reasonable discussion at the moment

knittingtinsel · 11/01/2007 13:41

This has to be a troll thread otherwise you'd have acted on the advice and sought professional help.

BlueDaisy · 11/01/2007 13:45

think she is probably dubious of getting help as he as obviously been unstable/tosser in the past.

saffy202 · 11/01/2007 14:14

Up to now it has been mice and fire, but I am concerned that he could see you or the children as potential enemies and the consequences of that are too horrifying to think of

Please speak to someone, even if it is NHS Direct. I imagine you are scared to take it further than your own 4 walls for fear of what he may do but you must be fearing what his next move will be. I know I wouldn't be able to sleep at night.

zippitippitoes · 11/01/2007 14:18

Get some help immediately.

From your posts he is having some sort of psychotic episode for some reason.

It is important to get treatment for this.

Original poster
cresta · 11/01/2007 14:26

He said he read it on the internet to fill all holes so that mice cannot get in - that sounds quite feasable to me? maybe I am burying my head in the sand. The fire thing, if he'd had a nightmare would it be unreasonable for him to wake up in a confused state and mistake the wind blowing the tree's shadows for the flickering of fire?

I have spoken to his friend today, he works with him and trains with him, he said he had gotten into some trouble on Monday when he accussed someone of stealing from him, he had apparantly caused a huge scene and had been asked to go home and calm down (to be fair though he's always been like this, hair trigger temperament etc). He said at training he has been much more aggressive but everyone just assumed he'd been going through a stage of taking his training more seriously. I told him about the mice and he thinks that could be down to his OCD as apparantly he was telling everyone at work that he saw a rat in the city centre and went into a huge rant about how rats and mice carry germs and could be crawling over you whilst you sleep etc...

I told him I was thinking about calling a doctor and he strongly advised me not to as he thinks its just his OCD getting worse and me calling the doctor might turn him against me...

I am going to phone NHS direct from my friends house when I pick the kids up, see what they say.

OP posts:
Freckle · 11/01/2007 14:29

If this had been an isolated incident, I might agree with the friend. But it isn't is it? It's a continuation of ever more bizarre behaviour.

Even if it is his OCD, surely, if it is getting worse, you need to seek medical attention. Now even his friend has said that he has become more aggressive, so I think, for the sake of your children if nothing else, you really must seek professional help.

zippitippitoes · 11/01/2007 14:29

imo you need to act by calling a gp or nhs direct or local mental health service

this is clearly not containable behaviour and from your description not an obsessive disorder

themildmanneredjanitor · 11/01/2007 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
cresta · 11/01/2007 14:35

I'm not ignoring it, I have said I will phone NHS, it's just not as easy as telling him I think he's nuts and needs to see a doctor, I fail to see what a doctor can do as I couldn't have one coming here, he'd hit the roof.

He thinks there is mice as he's heard them and to be fair, we have caught one in the house before, but that was ages ago.

OP posts:
beckybrastraps · 11/01/2007 14:37

We had mice too. We saw one. We put two traps in the kitchen. That's it.

Now think about his response to a mouse he hasn't seen.
Does it sound reasonable?

pooka · 11/01/2007 14:37

Cresta- just read this. I really think that you have to follow the advice that you have been given. Your dh is not behaving normally,you have noticed a change in his behaviour. He appears to be hallucinating and obsessive. Please please call NHS direct or even better, YOU go to the GP and describe his symptons, talk about what has happened and see what the doctor says.

zippitippitoes · 11/01/2007 14:37

A doctor will assess him and treat him accordingly. There are anti psychotic drugs and mood stabilising drugs. If he is behaving as you say then he is not going to suddenly get better.

Anyway, it is pointless suggesting anything.

WigWamBam · 11/01/2007 14:37

While you continue to hide your head in the sand, there's nothing that any of us can say to help you. You have to listen, and you're not. You have to see all of his behaviour as a whole, and you're not.

How much more of this are you going to put your children through? Because they will be taking it all in. If you can't do something about this for you, do it for them. They deserve better from both of you.

Freckle · 11/01/2007 14:38

Have you heard them (apart from the one ages ago)? After all, you are in the house more than he is. If you haven't heard them, why has he? That in itself is worrying. And why the sudden obsession with mice?

You explain away the fire stuff with it being a normal reaction to the contents of a nightmare. Yet you said he claimed to still be able to see fire even after he had confirmed there was none.

Please do get help. If there truly is nothing wrong, then there is no reason for him to "hit the roof" as he will know that you only did it because you were concerned. What does "hit the roof" mean anyway? More violence?

batters · 11/01/2007 14:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maycontainstress · 11/01/2007 14:41

Ok Cresta, calling the doctor is not going to please him, he's not well, mentally.

Ok, to put it into perspective imagine this (obv God forbid) but I want you to see things clearly.

Imagine he goes off on one about the mice again and then starts imagining you or the DC are mice?

How many times have you imagined seeing a mouse at the top of the door?

I see your playing down the seriousness of his behaviour because you don't want any more conflict and you love him. Please understand that tonight it could be something else. Be prepared and be strong. Remember, it is for HIS good as well as yours. You wouldn't be doing anything wrong by helping your family.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 11/01/2007 14:43

Cresta

I think you know that he is really having some sort of pyschotic episode here but for reasons only known to yourself you block it out. Denial is a powerful thing.

God only knows what all this is doing to your children - have you considered the effect this is having on them. You are coerced by him into going to kickboxing classes.

You're the adults here supposedly yet neither of you are willing to take any sort of action to address the underlying problems in your relationship. Burying your head in the sand is far easier for you because it is too painful/shameful/embarrassing/fearful to address. You are both on self destruct; the problem is you'll both drag the kids down with you.

Mercy · 11/01/2007 14:44

Calm down everyone, please. Yes it may be infuriating that it seems that good advice is being ignored, but I should think Cresta's pretty scared of any repercussions. And probably that's what's delaying her acting on the advice.

sorry, badly worded but you know what i mean

AttilaTheMeerkat · 11/01/2007 14:47

If she continues to do nothing re her husband then there certainly could be repercussions for both her and her children. His behaviour is unpredictable.

Cresta has been so downtrodden by him for so long that she cannot any longer see the wood for the trees. I feel for her and these children.

Judy1234 · 11/01/2007 14:48

Do you love him and want to stay with him?
You have been together I think it said 8 months on the other thread.Do you live in his place or was it yours originally?

Mercy · 11/01/2007 15:20

Attila, yes of course, I agree with you but I can also see why she is hesitant.

RumMum · 11/01/2007 15:53

Blimey.. I've read all the threads and I really can't believe you think his behaviour is normal Cresta... You seem to be making so many excuses for his behaviour... why not suggest to him to see the DR in ... lets say a week... if he's not feeling himself...
I hope the NHS Direct give you good advice that you listen to...

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