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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH is odd mood, concerned

146 replies

cresta · 10/01/2007 13:10

I am a mixture between worried and very angry. The alarm went off at 7am this morning, I started to shuffle around etc, looked over to DH who was wide awake, the alarm is at his side so I asked him to turn off the alarm, he said "no, you do it" .

So I turned off the alarm (bit stroppy by this point) and said I was making a cuppa, did he want one...he said "no".

So I went downstairs, made a drink, made the kids breakfast, it was getting on for 7:30 so I went upstairs and asked DH if he was getting up for work, he said "no". I went back to get the kids ready for school, 8am still no sign of DH, I went back upstairs to see him lying there still wide awake! I told him he was going to be late for work and he replied "no I wont, I'm not going". I asked if he was ill and he just said "no". I was getting really wound up by this point so went back to the kids, shouted to DH that we were leaving for school and got no reply .

So anyway, I got back in the house around 10:30 and DH is sat watching tv, I asked if he'd phoned work and he said "No", I asked him what the hell was wrong and he told me to fuck off and leave him alone! . Anyway since then he's been much the same all day, the only words he's speaking are "no" and "fuck off". I don't understand, we've had no arguments, everything was fine last night, just this morning he's a completely different person, he's NEVER acted like this before.

Is he looking for attention or what??

OP posts:
Califrau · 10/01/2007 17:23

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mellowma · 10/01/2007 17:29

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Dior · 10/01/2007 17:31

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longwaytogotobethlehem · 10/01/2007 17:42

cresta call the gp my dh had a fit the thurs before christmas totally out of the blue it transpires he had taken 100 tramadol in a week and then went cold turkey as he had been doing for months.

The mood swings, behaviour just didn't make sense and then all of a sudden it did. He also has been abusing codiene for the last 11 years - I knew nothing about any of this apart from one or two instances inthe last 11 years.

He needs help if he has been using then jus tto stop is stupid - get him some help before he does something that will affect him long term.

My dh now can't drive for 3 months, has broken his shoulder and th eother one is useless as he dislocated it.

I know its slightly different but just goes to show what drugs can do

batters · 10/01/2007 17:43

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mellowma · 10/01/2007 17:45

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scorpio1 · 10/01/2007 17:45

echoing what everyone says

call the gp

BettySpaghetti · 10/01/2007 17:46

I know of someone who mis-used steroids -they had some sort of breakdown that involved smashing up a room and completely "losing it".

Sorry, I know thats not very technical in the terminology but I don't know the exact details yet wanted to illustrate that if he is using steroids it is possible that he could be heading for something similar.

batters · 10/01/2007 17:47

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NotQuiteCockney · 10/01/2007 17:48

Please call the GP, or NHS Direct, or whomever else you feel comfortable calling. He seems to be losing it, and as he's big, fit, trained in fighting, and already violent towards you when he's not a bit odd, I really think you need to get a professional involved now.

mellowma · 10/01/2007 17:49

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vitomum · 10/01/2007 18:50

cresta, i am frightened for you. It sounds as though he is loosing touch with reality, possibly hallucinating or having some sort of psychosis / breakdown. This means the situation is unstable and his behaviour unpredictable. Given his build and history of violence there must be a chance he could react violently and it could be to a greater degree than previously. I really fear for you and your kids. Please get him help immediately and make yourself safe.

marthamoo · 10/01/2007 19:01

Just to add to the chorus - I really think you should call your GP and get them to come to your home now. It could be any one of a number of things - steroids, some kind of a breakdown...I don't want to alarm you further but I have some experience of schizophrenia and that sort of irrational, paranoid delusional type behaviour - ie., the mousetraps - sets all sorts of alarm bells ringing with me.

Your safety and the safety of your children is paramount here - you must call the doctor.

Tortington · 10/01/2007 19:10

did you navigate the mousetraps and go to the gym?

how are you?

ParanoidAndroid · 10/01/2007 19:27

Cresta - do you need some help? Is there anyone around that can be with you or have you to stay? What about any of us on MN - can we help in any way?

noddyholder · 10/01/2007 19:31

I have just read through this again and I think you need to call someone like a doctor to support/help you.This is not normal behaviour and the day is nearly over and you don't want to spend the night with kids in a house with someone who is so unpredictable and strange atm

FloatingOnTheMed · 10/01/2007 20:10

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jenwa · 10/01/2007 20:12

It would be good if Cresta can let us know she is ok, not hearing is a worry!

frumpygrumpy · 10/01/2007 20:25

Cresta, take care honey, everyone here is concerned for you. You should feel secure in your everyday life and if anything tips that balance, it needs addressing. Keep talking, don't compromise. A loving partner is also one who saves you when you can't see that you need saved.

Mercy · 10/01/2007 20:28

god almighty, I remember when you first posted re your husband's behaviour - I have thought about you every so often since then.

Please phone NHS Direct/Out of hours GP the first step. I know it's going to be hard to do that but you need to make that first step for all your sakes.

best of luck

Original poster
cresta · 10/01/2007 22:36

Hi everyone,

Thank you so much for the kind words and for thinking about me. We've been to the gym so I couldn't get on earlier.

I asked him why he had set mouse traps up, he said he heard them running around during the night and he saw one on top of the door?? I said surely they wouldn't be able to climb that high and he started getting annoyed so I just left it although I did say I wanted most of the traps cleared up as it is not safe for the children, I agreed to have 2 in our bedroom and one in the kitchen behind the oven and that's it, he went a bit moody over it but agreed in the end (I had to clear them all up though )

I asked him why he didn't go to work, he said he had too much to do at home today, I said he'd done nothing apart from the mousetraps and he got annoyed and said I had no idea what he'd been doing all day , apparantly he phoned work whilst I was out.

I asked why he's been acting odd all day and he said he hadnt and he was just sick of me nagging at him.

I do understand what you're all saying about the doctor but he would go mental if I got a doctor to come around or if he even knew I was discussing him on here, I'm stuck really not knowing what to do, I still need to get this kickboxing thing sorted out but I'm too tired to bother at the moment, I can't be bothered with the arguments, I don't know what to do right now, I feel like I'm watching someone else from the outside, like I've switched off and gone on auto pilot.

I will keep posting though, you have all been so kind and helpful, thank you x

OP posts:
hairymclary · 10/01/2007 22:41

what would happen if you confronted him and said that you[re very concerned about his behaviour today (and in the past) and that you are worried for the children's safety

would he go mental? or do you think maybe it'd help him realise that he can't go on like this?
you say that he has hit you now without even pretending it's training. I am struggling to understand why you're still with him tbh.

do you think things can change? if not I think you're best away from him

belgo · 11/01/2007 05:40

cresta - this is something that will take a lot more then discussions and arguements with your dh to sort out. If he thinks he's seeing mice at the top of the door, then I don't think you'll get any change in the situation by just talking to him. You need outside help. I suggest you go to the GP yourself and explain the situation in the same way you have done here. You're doing yourself , your children and your husband no favours by doing nothing.

tigermoth · 11/01/2007 06:11

cresta, I can see why you are worried to get the gp to your house, but I really think you need to talk this over with a professional. You need to be keeping a record of this with an outside party for the sake of your husband's health and for the sake of your family's safety.

Try phoning a drug support charity like narcotics anonymous or even the Samaratans, who can direct you to a support group relevant to your situation.

Please don't ignore this and hope that it will go away. You can make your phone calls when your husband is not around. You don't have to force a confrontation but you can get information on what is happening and find out what your options are.

For one thing, you need to know how you and your children will be safe if you call out your gp to see your husband. You need this explained to you by a professional.

zippitippitoes · 11/01/2007 06:13

I am extremely worried about this.

I would say from what you post he is having mental health problems, perhaps even psychosis psychosis description nhs direct and needs help urgently to protect you and children and indeed himself. His mood swings and lack of touch with reality need diagnosis.

It does sound like drugs. How old is he? An alternative could be onset of illness.

Ring NHS direct or your own GP for advice.