Let's Get Ready! It's Dating Thread 103

[DrFoxtrot]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

I have enough texting mojo for everyone 😂 I just drunk text someone I shouldn't have. I'm hoping he will ignore it and move on and then forget about it 😂😂
I'm about to catch up on the rest of this thread now 😊

I'm really far too gone to remember what I've JUST read, but I saw somewhere that Twixngot back in touch which is great! I hope you find a way to get a date sorted soon. I've messaged a few guys on Match but nobody is messaging me back. :(

I've given up on POF and Tinder. Useless. OKCUPID is a bit more lucrative - if you are into homeless looking guys. 😂

Just checking in for a quick update, I've just skim read five pages .

Freaky I think 314 has the situation with Bacon to a tee. I think the mini reunion off grid message is excellent and I'm going to steal it for future use.

Handy brilliant news about Twix and some firm plans!

Waving how awful about your sister, recognising toxic behaviour is part of the battle of protecting yourself.

I can't remember much else from my quick skim although I am guilty of hoping for a fade away with Apple, I think we both are and somebody just needs to end it. It what?! Nothing's happening! We could meet this weekend but he's not suggested it and I'm not about to fall over myself to offer anything. I know what will happen if I do, I'll end up going to him as the are situational problems for him and I'll feel like I'm making all the effort.

During my mini tinder hiatus I have gained an accidental iron! I'm turning into a slight bitch as he has pissed me off a bit and bizarrely he's still very keen . I am absolutely not getting drawn into anything needy with him, I am very much still in the 'can I actually be arsed' camp and it feels great.

A few typos but hopefully the thought is there

Yes Fox its good not to be bothered! :)
I had a to & fro with Scot on weds about meeting/going to a gig this eve & I said I'd get tickets (I didn't!) No actual arrangements made. Then I texted 5pm yesterday when got home - nothing. He's due to come down from Scotland & arrive by lunchtime but I have a feeling that timing will slip or his car will break down or something... But I'm not invested so I don't care :)

I wish I was not bothered! And that Bacon would get his texting mojo back. Had a few messages from him last night but definitely got the impression he was talking to someone else at the same time...you can just tell on WhatsApp...when someone is online but a message you send is not read immediately? So now, even when he messages, it just makes me feel bad and suspicious that he's just using it as cover to message someone else. Really not sure if we can get back to where we were after this...

Anyway, I remain bright, breezy and unconcerned on messaging. And I know that all I can do is carry on with that and hold tight and hope there's a reasonable explanation and things will pick up again next week in the run up to our date.

Handy So pleased that things are looking up with Twix! You sound so much brighter.

Traffic Was there any come back on your drunk texting?

Loving you lot in the 'can't be arsed camp'

Be nice if you get to that gig with Scot somehow, though, ocelot - am glad you've been away licking your wounds.

There's a few dates this weekend I believe! Slightly 'meh' dates but dates nonetheless.

Am shifting from the WTF bench to the Content&Calm bench which is somewhere between the Smitten Bench and the WTF bench.

Happy dating all...

Traffic Would love to know what happened with your drunk texting!

ocelot7 I hate that whole going quiet before a date thing...

Freaky I'm like that sometimes at the moment. I try not to look into it too much but I hate it when they're online on whatsapp but the message isnt read for a while!

Sooo MrFit has been sending some extremely flirty texts. This has now put me on guard for Sunday. I wonder if he expects something to happen despite not seeing me/making effort for 4 months?? Fat chance. He'll have to try harder to get me back round to that stage.

Oh not a lot. He text back and said I'm really funny when I'm drunk. 😂 and said "drunk text me away" he's really emotionally unavailable though, so I shan't be getting myself tangled up in that again. Hopefully he won't text me back today. Well I hope he does but I hope he doesn't.

Oooh fit guy has just walked into Costa.

I'm going to read this thread now. I was buy on another one - I asked about flirting - people just got on my case about how annoying and yucky my behaviour is....sometimes I don't like mumsnet!! You bunch are a lovely lot though 😊

So alot of you are in the can't be arsed camp then 😂😂 is hard work sometimes. Persevere though!

I'm completely free for my entire weekend. I've even got tonight off. Not a whiff of a date though. Ehhhh.

Just a quick hello, work has been mental, so hard to keep up on here. But I love reading and taking in all the great advice, you really are a great bunch

freaky I hope the messages pick back up and that you can clear the air. I know you won't want to scare him off with any heavy talk straightaway but in my limited experience, feeling you can openly communicate and honestly, has to be there.

handy glad twix has been in touch, will you suggest leaving the house or see if he does? Me and MrValues still not doing well at getting out and about but we've had such little time we've jointly chosen to 'stay in the bubble', definitely going out next time tho!! I really like him, I'm trying to (albeit) cautiously enjoy it.

314 love your posts! Funny and thoughtful the hlo howzit goin? so spot on!! Have a fabulous time Sunday, throw the numbers out the window and enjoy it.

To everyone else, enjoy your 'amazing life' weekends!! Hope anyone dating has fun

Hope I've remembered all of the above correctly!! Fried brain this week

Freaky make no mistake I'm still bothered about M - thats how I can appreciate the contrast...

Also that men shouldn't be doing stuff that make us angsty... does it say something about their ability to have a proper grownup relationship with a woman who is their equal? I'm not thinking about Bacon here but M btw... who SAID he WAR... & then that he wasn't looking for anyone else...but having to painfully reevaluate all of that a la 314 after last Saturday [shudder]

Yeah - it would be nice to go out tonight & hear some music but I'm sure as hell not messaging Scot again 8 hrs before the gig

Also that men shouldn't be doing stuff that make us angsty

Amen to that! I am pissed off with Bacon. It said on his fucking Tinder profile that he was looking for a relationship and was "not afraid of commitment, honesty and cooperation" and then he pulls this shit? I KNOW we are not in a relationship but he gave all the signs of things heading that way (including agreeing not to talk to/see anyone else) and then suddenly took it all away?

We are going to have to talk before we meet up I think, if that's even happening now. I can't breeze into a date pretending everything is fine when it's clearly not. If this is going to be relationship (and that's looking less and less likely) then it's got to start with open, honest communication or I'm not having it.

Raaaah! Angry Freaky today!

Ocelot Why not message Scot? If you are really unbothered, you have nothing to lose. And you'd get to go to the gig...

Grr ! lost my message... start again

I love yr Raaah! Freaky going to do that more...

I'm not inclined to message Scot - I've sent last message Tuesday & my message yesterday 5pm was not answered - 6 hrs before we would need to meet. Its not on! And I don't want to appear more invested than I am - especially after telling him to back off with the gushiness(?)

I'm through with having to overthink how to come across to men - I am bright & breezy most of the time so I refuse to be so when I'm not so as to not scare them...

When I think of Saturday - I was still trying to make M feel okay in the midst of being devastated to see him with a woman FFS!...The way he acted anyone would think I hurt HIM Telling my son about it last night he immediately said "Its guilt"...

Anyway something snapped yesterday & I did something that is never advised . I left a short message on his answerphone when I knew he would still be at work just to state how incredibly hard it had been for me on Saturday... That seeing him with another woman killed me :(

Yeah - I know I burnt my bridges but I feel a bit released... like It CAN'T get any worse now... the only way is UP..

Please don't be cross with me! I'm not THAT robust just now...

Oh Ocelot! You are right re Scot, I think, if you texted yesterday and he's not answered. Fuck him.

And re M...well, if I am perfectly honest, that ship has long since sailed. It's not going to happen for the two of you so all that's left is getting over it and making yourself feel better, and if that includes leaving messages on his voicemail, then fill yer boots!
But just don't, don't, DO NOT expect anything back from him.

Freaky I absolutely don't expect anything back from him ...that's a new feeling/certainty...

For me that ship will never sail...
I have never loved anyone so much...(& I'm far too scared to do so again :( ...plus I'n mid 50s & know how very few nice men are out there unclaimed :( ... I know he will always be that to me...
So I cut the moorings...

Just noticed I posted a song by 'She Drew The Gun' followed by 'No-ones Gonna Love You' (Band of Horses) .... What do you call that - random juxtaposition thing -serendipity? Smiling to think of M seeing that but I don't think he checks my fb...

Would be nice to go out tonight in terms of avoiding the possibility of being home alone overthinking but 5 hrs before I'd have to set off? Not impressed with Scot for all his alluring accent [Hmm]

Here's a little Friday light hearted loveliness. I love this group on Facebook, great little snippets of lives.
Her last comment made me laugh out loud! We are not mad daters!!!!

That's a lovely Friday night post Sassy - hilarious!

Hello I'm new here. I've just been on my first old. I just didn't fancy him. Nice guy but really coming on too strong. I kissed him and I didn't want to. It wasn't nice. I was sensible and had pre made an excuse about going out later and I managed to get away. But he was so keen, all over me. What do I do?!?

Hello and welcome Merry well done for having your excuse lined up. If it's bothering you I would send a message along the lines of 'I enjoyed our date but feel the connection online didn't carry over to RL' or perhaps a shorter 'I think I'd like to leave it there, all the best' type message.

Any funny business from him - just block. Nexxxxt!!!

Thank you handy woman! After feeling no one would ever want me again this is really strange. Is it ok to just reject a nice person because you don't fancy them? Is it normal for men to be so full on? It's really unattractive - perhaps if I'd fancied him it wouldn't be? God I don't think I can do that again? Where are the nice attractive normal men??

He sounds full on, it's not you - he just made you feel uncomfortable. It's difficult at first, when you are a bit rabbit-in-headlights but try and resolve not to kiss a man you don't want to again. Nobody has the right to do that.

Perfectly OK and normal to send a 'thanks but no thanks' message.

Chalk it up to experience and get back on the proverbial OLD horse.

In the meantime there's

Did I read somewhere mid thread that there is a Facebook group you are all on? Or did I imagine it?

I had a nice reply to a message on eharmony from a guy who said although I seem lovely I'm too far away. He's Bristol and I'm Dorset/Somerset border. Bit of a shame but fairly true. I've had about 10 messages from Americans or Europeans on OKCUPID. Other than that, zilch.
Looks like my kid free weekend will be wasted! Anyone else got anything on?