So I've been stupid I know but could really do with some help

[insan1tyscartching]

I have been squirreling some money away to leave my husband. We've been married 27 years. He informed me this morning he is going to look at properties on Monday 120 miles away as he's leaving me, the relief is enormous tbh as I thought I'd be forced to leave our council property.He is both financially and emotionally abusive.
Now here comes the nasty bits we have a joint bank account, I have a card but have no access to the account itself he questions every penny I spend.He gives me a cash allowance for food that I have been trying to save by economising on food without him knowing. I have no idea what money he has, I just know he's looking to rent 4 bedroom detached properties by checking his emails. He's only taking the dog! He's deleted pretty much all emails but had missed that one asking if they would take a dog. I had no idea he had the means to finance that as he controls all the money.
We have two disabled children (well one is an adult) their disabliity benefits go in the joint account as does my carers allowance and tax credits,he controls that as well.He has sole use of the motability car that my son is entitled to. He is self employed he pays the rent and the council tax himself although it's a joint tenancy with me as first tenant. All utility bills are in his name as is dd's child benefit.
Please tell me what I need to do,I've been stupid I know but I am not stupid just totally worn down and at my wits end as I have single handedly raised our children and fought to get the support for my children alone. Dh has only superficial relationships with any of them (have adult dc as well) barely speaking to them unless about football with ds.

Whatever you do don't mention you've been collecting evidence of his finances. You don't want him to get suspicious and cover his tracks

He will SO end up leaving the dog. They are hard work and require love, thought and effort.

But it will be because you were too devastated at him taking it.

God HOW do these toddlers get trapped into adult bodies? And we all know what psychopaths toddlers are.

Wow. You are so impressive. You will give your dc the biggest gift - to see their mother unburdened, free, happy. Keep your powder dry. Please ensure he cant stalk your electronically - esp what you have said on here. Also when he leaves you need a strategy so that he cannot come back. I understand that you cannot change the locks - but you can have the front door bolted from the inside and keep the back door locked. Block his phone number and just liaise thru solicitors. Expect him to drag OW into the mix soon (if he hasnt done so already) - and just be ready for the emotions that this might rattle = but just ride it out. Good luck. Keep calm amd carry one. Eyes on the Prize. You are nearly there.

you're so strong! Keep on keeping on x

I hope you had a good weekend Insanity, and that he failed to push your buttons.
Been watching your thread in frank admiration. You are doing so well!

Well the weekend wasn't too bad I kept busy with the dc. I feel a bit low at the moment probably anticipating the upheaval ahead tbh.
Today he has been to the estate agents and for another viewing,he's obviously not taken everything they require as he asked if I would sort the scanning and emailing for him tomorrow (he cannot do anything without my help ) He also said he'd need my help to set up his new place like I did for ds (measuring for curtains, ensuring he'd got enough crockery etc) I pointed out I was ds's mother and said nothing else. Funnily enough both ds and dd had already said he'd expect the same arrangement as ds who I do laundry for and feed a couple of times a week and do a bit of cleaning for when he's snowed under at work,now I believe it too!

Before he went though he was talking about finances etc obviously thinking I know nothing and asked that he keep ds's DLA and car for six months until he gets on his feet otherwise he might stay for another year to get more money behind him. Also he suggested that after six months he might like to come back and give it another go
Told him there will be no coming back it's over regardless and asked whether he wanted me to commit benefit fraud as well? He said he thought ds would join him anyway so would save the messing about. Didn't say anything else though as I'll let him go and then report him afterwards rather than getting any more grief before he goes.
Him leaving can't come soon enough now.

Well done for keeping calm
And quiet.
He really is in cloud cuckoo land.
Play along and get him gone.
KOKO.

You're amazing. Well done, you sound so strong and so organised. I hope he'll be gone asap.

You're amazing. Well done, you sound so strong and so organised. I hope he'll be gone asap.

Is it worth you looking at putting in motion getting him out?

I'm concerned that he may not actually go and he is just messing with you?

When is he due to go?
Have you spoken with a lawyer and will you initiate divorce proceedings asap?

Thinking of you Insan1ty. I guess he's dragging this out as you aren't reacting as he expected. Hopefully you've managed to get hold of some older baking documents now to get a better handle on where you are financially when he eventually does go: he's certainly playing the poverty card isn't he?

Wow you're doing so well! I hope you get rid of him once and for all very soon.

You're probably one of the least "stupid" people on the Internet OP. Best wishes to you!

How is it going, OP? Has the sorry excuse left yet? I was quite at your last update, you would genuinely think you are this man's mother the way he asks you to do things for him!

I can't believe how fucking ridiculous he is for thinking he can just swan back after his little 6 month break and you'll be there with open arms, desperate to try again! Har har! Glad you set him straight

Hope you're doing well, he's out of your hair or you're at least coming along with the divorce proceedings.