Livid!! Not refused any access etc yet being threatened with "court!"

[clashofclanswidow]

Sorry for long post but really need help! Part of this thread should probably be in Legal but posting here for traffic and hopefully experience!

I am so ANGRY at the moment!

I'm pregnant. My ExP left me for OW on the day of my 20 week scan. I'm now 34 weeks so a while ago now.

Can't believe he has done this to us BUT I have always been amicable for the sake of the kids - strong believer in it not being their fault, they're not weapons etc etc and I just want an easy life and to move on.

He has cancelled arrangements to have our DD at short notice (within hours) several times during these weeks and asked about the baby only once or twice over the whole 14 weeks he's been gone.

Other than arranging when he is actually going to see DD, we are no contact and it was working well.

Rightly or wrongly (and as per advice on here for my own mental wellbeing during remainder of this pregnancy) as he was the one to walk away, I have taking the stance that if he wanted to discuss either DD or baby, he could ask easily BUT he would have to be the one to initiate that contact. I was not going to chase him with updates, when he walked out on us.

Subsequently he has never asked about DD's life other than collection/drop offs and when he can see her and squat about baby.

Suddenly, out of the blue, he pipes up about baby names! In short, doesn't like the one I have chosen so far and lets call this reason A for him threatening court.

He also never asks about DD's life but as I am running out of time to sort everything on my own I have placed her in a nursery, with a good OFSTED grade on personal recommendation which is 10 minutes away as opposed to 5 (he doesn't drive)

He has kicked off and this is reason B he has threatened me with court because basically...I didn't put our DD in the same nursery as the one OW kids are already attending for their convenience!

He has not been in touch with me about any of this and now suddenly he is throwing his "rights" around like it's for fun!

We are not married and he is on birth certificate for DD.

I have since checked and learnt he did have a right to know about DD's nursery...

The stupid thing is, if he was just being reasonable with me, we could have had a conversation about it but can he now take me to court because of this?! That is the last thing I want to have to deal with right now! What would happen if he did?! It's not like I've done this or purpose or through spite, they offered me free 15 hours funding due to new circumstances!

Secondly baby's name...the verbal abuse he has given me lately, I am sorely tempted not to even name this man on the birth certificate - if it weren't for him being the same biological Dad to DD1!!

I'm so torn but again, it's not baby's fault and I don't want baby to ask later why DD1 had Dad on cert but not baby. Baby will also have Dad's surname for this reason (although it makes me upset)

But is it right he can still apply to court for her as well if I didn't register him if he continues with this abuse?! Would I have to attend court again and go through the rigmarole of all that?!

I would have named her by then anyway as he wouldn't be on the register - could he force me to have to change it?!

I don't want this to come across that I am some bitter, toxic ex. I have been more than amicable in the shitstorm I have been left with and now it is being thrown back in my face! Any advice anyone? Losing my mind all over again!

He is arguing that I have excluded him from everything, whereas he has not once asked! That's why I am angry =(

Please help!

Was there any sign of an additonal dc when he dropped dd off? Do you know the ow, or know of her, and do you have her address?

With reference to 'the appointment', he's created a situation where he can assure the ow he's decided not to go as he doesn't want to hurt her feelings while telling you he can't get the time off work.- the 'tell', or the giveaway, was in him asking you to let him know if there's anything you need.

As previously advised, send him a message - text or email - sometime tomorrow morning saying 'appointment is being rescheduled will let you know new date' and proceed as per my earlier response,

Am I right in assuming that as yet you've not replied to the email that brought you here with regard to contact/birth cert etc?

You WILL "over it all". It may feel as if you're taking one step forward and two back, but you will get to a place where you're completely indifferent to him and you'll take his game playing in your stride and regard it as being no more than you've come to expect from him because he's an egotistic arsehole.

I'd be surprised if OW even knows he's wanting to attend tbh - I'd find it very weird to be told by my DP that I was off to my exes midwife appt (not that I'd ever be in this mess) He said he doesn't talk about the baby to anyone...whether that's true or not...

I know of her only and the rough location of her house, not specific address. Looked like he was alone today.

He hasn't brought up court again since mid week just gone, nor babys name or birth cert. My response at the time was that I had done nothing to warrant taking me to court over, as her nursery placement does not effect his overnight access etc. These were whats app messages and he just kept going round in circles to be honest. I'm hoping he won't mention court again (until the next time he has a bad day and wants to take it out on me at least...)

Ah sorry, I see now what you mean! That closer to the time, he would have probably said he couldn't make it but he had tried kind of thing? So he didn't look like a complete shit basically, as he has "attempted" to get there?

So he didn't look like a complete shit basically It's nothing but a PR stunt; an attempt to make himself look good.

As for not telling anyone he's shortly going to be a father for the second time, presumably his mum knows and it's unlikely he hasn't told the ow. Was the dc he fetched up with yesterday non-verbal? If not, they may have told the ow that his dd's mum is very fat

Should have added that of course he's told the ow.... is it likely that he'd be pressing for you to enrol dd in the nursery of her choice without having told her you were pg? Did he think he could away with telling her that, in addition to all of the other bullshite he's told her, you're obese?

Haha, she knows I'm pregnant. I just meant specifically about this latest midwife appointment drama - that I doubt he will have told OW he "plans" to go.

A man who can leave his 20week pg partner holding not only that baby but also one he made earlier is capable of anything and I most certainly wouldn't put it past him to play hardball games with the ow's emotions.

Fwiw, I wouldn't be at all surprised if he's cast himself as a tortured SHamlet and reworked 'To or not to be' into 'To stay or not to stay with the one I truly love:: that is the question: whether 'tis nobler to put honour and duty before the love of my life and return to the mother of my child and of my child-to-be?'. I can almost feel sorry for the ow having to listen to the gobshite spout this crap nightly plus matinees when he's off work. It's not so much something rotten in the state of Denmark as rotten is the state of his true nature.

As you may have ascertained, my contempt for him knows no bounds because he is an out and out bounder.