Do I really not love my husband or am I being dramatic?

[sadmummyof1]

Right this second I don’t want to be with my husband, I want him to leave and I want to be on my own with our son. But this feeling is quite cyclic, so every 2 or 3 months I go through a week of feeling like this but then it dies down.

We got together whilst I was pregnant, and didn’t really get a traditional start to a relationship as it was quite intense, my son was born and OH decided to be his daddy. We didn’t live together straight away, we moved in together in OH’s home town around 18 months after my son’s birth so after 2 years of being together. We got a married a year later (so 3 years together at this point) and so as of February this year we’ve been together for 5 years. 2nd wedding anniversary later on this year. Oh and husband adopted my son.
I’ve always been bossy and wanting things done my way however over the past year it has escalated. I work full time (quite a high pressure job) whereas OH is at university for about 8 hours a week over a couple of days and then does not work (in order to save on after school childcare). I’m getting more and more demanding and probably quite horrible to my OH. However there is a reason for this….
I resent the fact that I work all day (I do love my job) and when I ask my husband to cook dinner he huffs. He hates having to do it. He huffed yesterday when I said he needed to clean the kitchen and sweep the floors and by the end of the week he needed to clean the house. Now, I will ask him nicely but the more he huffs and puffs, the more I resent him. He says he is joking but he always makes “jokey digs”. He jokes that I seem to have a bigger “allowance” than him. Yes I do. It’s my hard earned money AND most of what I buy is for our benefit. He wants me to do a cleaning schedule because he doesn’t know what to do. How about he takes an active part and looks on the internet instead of playing FIFA all day? I am trying to lose weight because of health issues, he wants to lose weight because he is fat (nowhere near as fat as me). He said if I told him what to eat then he’d eat it. Oh so I need to plan my dietary requirements and his as well?
I’m not attracted to him at all (bearing in mind I know I am very overweight, but just because I am doesn’t mean he has an excuse). I give him cash for a haircut and beard trim (I hate his beard it’s revolting to kiss him and then realise his beard was wet. He licks his moustache rather than wipe it) so he pays £20 for this and then within a week his beard looks a mess again because he is too lazy to keep on top of it. Plus, he leaves beard hairs all over the bathroom
We go to the supermarket, I ask him to pick up something up from a lower shelf, he bends over and his arse crack is there for everyone to see. I mean like 3 inches of it. It is so embarrassing when there are people in the same aisle and I see them shudder. He refuses to get jeans in a bigger size so his smaller jeans cut in under his belly and then he might lift his arms and his stomach pops out. It’s revolting! He also doesn’t brush his teeth and oh my gosh I actually can’t have him face me when he talks to me in the car because it stinks.
Now, I actually feel really awful that I feel this way. If someone talked/felt like this about me I would be humiliated and upset. But I have tried to talk about this nicely with him and I genuinely don’t think he cares. In fact I don’t know how he feels as he never opens up. So overtime this has built up into utter resentment. Instead of going home happy to see him, the first thing I do is walk through the door, see it’s a mess and straight away I flip out. Then I look at him sat on the sofa on his phone and I’m repelled physically and emotionally.
But do I have the right to feel this way when I am overweight and spend my days basically wearing crocs, leggings and a baggy top!!! All the above is making me loathe the sight of him but it’s hypocritical isn’t it? I am losing weight slowly but I’ve had 4 years where I’ve not done anything about it. It’s not until I was diagnosed with an illness that I actually picked my own fat arse up off the sofa and did something about it. He is such a good father, our son probably loves him more than I. And he does care about me, he does want to make me happy, he just doesn’t.
Am I a bitch?

[MyheartbelongstoG]

Yep, you defo sounded abusive in original op.

Re the beard, just leave it alone!

[SBD1]

@myheartbelongstog

Sounded is different to actually being abusive. I'm not abusive and I've never been abusive. Anyway, I was just posting an update that we'd worked through issues and are a lot happier.

Re Beard....why? I haven't said anything to him and I'm (not) sorry, but I can't stand it. I'm allowed to not like something, like I said - if it makes him happy I'm not going to comment on it but there is nothing wrong with not liking it. I'm sure there are things you might not like about your other half.

Annnyywaaaaaaayyyy like I said, we're now happy.

[Desperina]

He sounds like a waste of 90% of his space. You don't actually need him for anything, by the sounds of it. He sounds like a drain on you and you have the ability to sack him and find someone a lot more worthy!