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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Springing Into Some Warmer Weather, Staying Sober Togeher

999 replies

Mouseface · 30/03/2016 00:05

Hi, tis me, Mouse

Welcome to the Bus. We're delighted to have you here :) Not because if you're new to the Babes you are here for help, but because we welcome every kind of drinker. And for all of the reasons life throws at you.

Those that do drink, those that don't drink and of course those who do but don't want to say just how much..............

We've all had our own personal Groundhog Day , some still are and don't want to remain trapped in the same cycle day in, day out, and some still are and want to be which is fine and why we're here.

To talk, to listen, to just be us, like you are YOU. You never know, one day you might just want to wake up on a different day? :) There's no judging here, no 'sides.

After all, something made you click on and read this :)

Come say hi! We even do Brew & Cake if you're super quick!!

And if you want to see what we got up to in the last thread, have a look RIGHT HERE

And this is where our adventure began, almost six years ago now!!

ALMOST SIX YEARS AGO...........

OP posts:
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Bloodybloodyhell · 10/04/2016 16:36

Afternoon everybody.

I need to write this down.

Have been lurking for years. Posted once or twice. But this is getting worse.
And I need things to change.

Clearly, I'm here, because I feel I'm drinking too much. And I am.
I wake up most, almost all, mornings, feeling like shit. Thinking, "right, that's it. AF day for me today". And by 5pm I've crumbled.

I don't drink a crazy amount. Used to be 2-3 (large) glasses a day. (Far) more on "nights out".
Friday night, I drank a whole bottle. Then another half.
Saturday was supposed to be my day of "getting stuff done". I felt like shit and literally did nothing. Which left me totally behind with everything, and in a terrible mood all morning today - which was supposed by be "fun-day" with my little DS.

Right now, I am half a bottle of Prosecco down, whilst my son is at a party.
I need to go and collect him soon.
Usually, I wouldn't drink during the day. But weekends are different, right?! (I know they're not, I'm just kidding myself)

I am a single Mum. I've had a tricky few years (excuses, excuses). But right now, I am approx 2 stone overweight, depressed, de-motivated, unhealthy and feeling like I just can't be bothered anymore. And I realise, that booze is at the heart of it all.

If it weren't for my DS, I really wouldn't care. But I want - I NEED - to get better for him.

I'm going to collect him from the party soon. And when I get home, I'm going to finish the wine / beer I have in the house. And then from tomorrow, I'm going to try and do an AF week. Which would be a first. For a long time.

I've been reading the threads from the start. JWN, Venus, MIFLAW, algae, Baby...
So many names, you've inspired me. And I want to be like you.

I'm going to try and continue posting to at least define what I'm doing. And as a point of reference. And principle.

Sorry to go on. I just want to sort this out. And I clearly can't do it on my own.

Thanks for reading. Dx

dementedma · 10/04/2016 17:02

Sarah will the other guy be discrete or tell your partner? Did you use protection? If not, get that checked and sorted first!
bloody welcome to the bus. You will get help here.

Nobodyspecialanymore · 10/04/2016 17:17

Just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you all. I'm drinking again, and feel embarrassed and sad coming onto such a positive bus with my defeated drunkenness.

Ohboywhathaveidone · 10/04/2016 17:20

I've nc'd and started a thread re last night. It's Sarah. Yes I think he will be discreet and no protection was used. I'm covered for pregnancy but am going to have to get an sti screen. My DP has a huge sex drive and it's going to be really hard avoiding it without questions. He's already really annoyed with me for being 'out late'

dementedma · 10/04/2016 17:41

special stay with us. I'm drinking wine as I type so you aren't alone.

WillAndDisgrace · 10/04/2016 18:21

Right, the Dsc have gone home and I really fancy a glass of red! So I'm going to go and put the kettle on and get ds ready for bed to keep me occupied.

I'm thinking to start some kind of pot that everything I have a strong urge to have a drink I put money in for something nice. Or put money in it I would save not buying wine. It will be a visual motivation.

Hope all you babes are holding up. And if you are having a drink try and set a limit (hard I know)

Nobodyspecialanymore · 10/04/2016 18:22

Oh Sarah! What a nightmare! I might be tempted to own up, and be honest.
Demented...Thank you..how are things?

dementedma · 10/04/2016 18:34

Meh, not great. Still battling to keep the business alive and keep myself in a job. Sick of the stress. Am drinking regularly and gaining weight which is pissing me off.

Nobodyspecialanymore · 10/04/2016 18:39

The weight gain is awful isn't it! Sorry to hear things are so tough for you.

Paffle · 10/04/2016 18:44

Hi all. I'm new to this thread. Been AF for almost 7 years now. Did AA loads at the start and now I just don't think about having a drink. I have no special magic but happy to be a shoulder to cry on sometimes. Stay strong. Life AF is a gift!!

WillAndDisgrace · 10/04/2016 18:44

special nobody can bring the bus down so don't be embarrass. And ma sorry it's a tough time for you. I'll be popping into the thread most of the night so although I may not have the best words of wisdom (seeming as I only got on the bus last week) I'm here for a chat for
you ladies

WillAndDisgrace · 10/04/2016 18:48

Hello Paffle, well done on your 7 years!! that's amazing. Im sure your pearls of wisdom will help us out no end!

isindecherryblossom · 10/04/2016 21:08

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dementedma · 10/04/2016 21:21

Funny you should suggest that indie
Lovely hope is already working on a business plan along those very lines. Would you care to form part of the consortium?

Paffle · 10/04/2016 21:34

Hi indie. I got v depressed. GP referred me to a psychiatrist, he referred me to a therapist. After a few weeks she said something that made me realise that I am an alcoholic. When I admitted this, she suggested a first meeting to me and I tried it and heard a lot of stuff there that I recognised. I went 2 or 3 times a week at that point. I've been to a lot of meetings I hated but rarely left not having learned anything. I was trying to conceive, which was a huge motivator in staying sober. I'm in London. I can give some ideas on central/ South London if helpful.

isindecherryblossom · 10/04/2016 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

isindecherryblossom · 10/04/2016 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WillAndDisgrace · 10/04/2016 22:07

I always read MIFLAW as MILFLAW ShockGrin

Bloodybloodyhell · 10/04/2016 22:23

So. Tonight I have drunk half a bottle of prosecco. Half a bottle of red. And a bottle of beer.
I'm going to bed now.
All whilst in charge of my little boy. Who is delightful. And full of wonder and amazement with the world. And I am a disgraceful, apathetic, cannot be arsed mother. He deserves better.
I don't even feel particularly pissed.
Please someone tell me what a fucking disgrace I am. And that I need to sort this out.
Rather than now aiming for a week of sobriety, I just feel like drinking even more - and buying cigarettes to smoke too.
I hate myself.
Sorry to be such a downer.

Paffle · 10/04/2016 22:24

Before I go to bed, I will post the therapist's comment that made me realise there was no more hiding. Maybe it will help someone.

I was saying how guilty I was feeling because I was TTC and I knew that I should be drinking nothing less. I felt guilty because I kept saying I wanted a baby but in the end couldn't prioritise that over drinking. In effect I chose the drink over the (yet to be conceived) baby. She said I should not feel guilty because when it came to alcohol I had no choice. Literally the power of choice was removed from me because I was an addict.

Once I acknowledged and accepted that, it became about making the first and only choice - not to have the first drink. I can't drink in moderation. I can abstain or I can get drunk. Those are my choices.

Does that make sense to anyone?

Night all.

Newmamatobe · 10/04/2016 22:27

Totally Claret - same experience here, always been really ambitious and not afraid to make things happen in my life then BOOM fall off a cliff and usually at a really bad time!

Definition of insanity : doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results..

Paffle - really interesting that you posted here as I was just talking to my best friend (we met in AA she's my sober partner in crime and as bonkers as myself!!) that the rooms of AA are full mostly of people 0-7 years sober and then very few with longer sobriety so it seems a regular pattern so transition through AA?? I like that ;-))

Newmamatobe · 10/04/2016 22:28

Also, I'm in Manchester if any meeting recommendations or hand holding required in this area, am part of a fun group of girls always happy to help a suffering problem drinker get through that first walk through the door X

MaryMungoAndMidgies · 10/04/2016 23:05

Ah now, inde is talking horse. That I can relate to. Evening my dear, xx

ma what a handsome wee soul the General is, and so settled already! He knows he's on a good wicket! How are you this rainy evening? xx

I have de-fluffed absolutely everything that can be de-fluffed. I've given myself a manicure and pedicure and at this precise moment in time I am the wearer of a honey, banana and oatmeal facemask. So why oh why did I pick up a mini bottle of wine from M&S?

And apparently I am the proud owner of The Scrooge Hound Of Spring. Not enough that she demolished some decorated boiled eggs in the park the other week, obviously laid out for an Easter egg hunt, now we are debudding daffodils with gay abandon. I can see the headline in the local paper now - daffodil vandal ruins local flower display....

Worse still, I am the puffy, blustery bugger who rages when I see adults pick a bunch to take home. Blush

I did an extra shift this weekend to stop a potential binge. That makes me sad.

sarahlou come here for a bosie m'dear. I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. Would your partner understand do you think? I am scared this will hang over you, and potentially make your alcohol intake worse. Would the truth be easier on you, and him? If not, vent away on here, and know you are among friends.

Just before Christmas, we had our work night out. Needless to say I binged, I didn't make a huge fool of myself on the night itself but then I phoned exWB for a lift. I don't know why I did, I guess I felt lonely after being out with everyone else in couples. I'll not lie, I was collapsing drunk. I woke up/came to with him having sex with me. I can't remember everything sadly, but I remember him arranging me, quietly and gently, which in hindsight was very creepy, and whispering how beautiful I was in my ear. He never did that before, so that was strange.There are bits so hazy, he insisted I came on to him, but you know? I don't think I did. He knew fine what he'd done, I'm sure of it, but I had no definitive proof.

That also contributed to me having a major meltdown, I felt so worthless and stupid. Would I have phoned sober? No. I won't be able to phone again, as his number is well and truly deleted now.

What I'm trying to say sarah, in my rather roundabout and useless way, is that we can't change what has happened in the past. What we must do is be kind to ourselves after something like this. We are our own harshest critics. I don't deny an arse kick or two doesn't go amiss if well timed and well meant, but no-one will beat us up harder than we do ourselves. Finding a way to move on is the only way forward.

So cuddle up on the back seat with me and special, help yourself to a hot chocolate and a duvet and settle down.

Hello there bloody, ah, you're here on the bus now, that's the main thing, oodles of support and advice on here, you'll be grand. xx

Will I hope you continued to have a good night, and that your money pot is a little bit richer. Writing this has kept me away from the teeny bottle of wine. Small tatties, I know, but I did it.

Off to warm some milk for some hot chocolate. Catch you all in a bit.

Elba84 · 11/04/2016 00:39

No AF night tonight. I managed not to drink for nearly two hours after I got home, had a weird epiphany where I realised I'd actually fought off a massive craving then stupidly caved an hour ago. But I'm going to stop soon and go to bed, been up for 19 hours so can't fight it much longer. Have GP at 9.40 so can't be hungover...this is exactly why I try not to schedule these things in the morning!

sorry not to name check at all, but big hugs to those struggling. I will post properly tomorrow when I'm a bit more awake!

WillAndDisgrace · 11/04/2016 07:00

Elba maybe scheduling them in the morning may be a good thing? Anyway, I'll be thinking of you today and hoping all is well Flowers

I have some shiny new AF DAY 1s Starfor anybody who needs them. They are sitting here with hot drinks and bacon rolls, all ready to get the new week started!