The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Springing Into Some Warmer Weather, Staying Sober Togeher

[Mouseface]

Hi, tis me, Mouse

Welcome to the Bus. We're delighted to have you here :) Not because if you're new to the Babes you are here for help, but because we welcome every kind of drinker. And for all of the reasons life throws at you.

Those that do drink, those that don't drink and of course those who do but don't want to say just how much..............

We've all had our own personal Groundhog Day , some still are and don't want to remain trapped in the same cycle day in, day out, and some still are and want to be which is fine and why we're here.

To talk, to listen, to just be us, like you are YOU. You never know, one day you might just want to wake up on a different day? :) There's no judging here, no 'sides.

After all, something made you click on and read this :)

Come say hi! We even do & if you're super quick!!

And if you want to see what we got up to in the last thread, have a look RIGHT HERE

And this is where our adventure began, almost six years ago now!!

ALMOST SIX YEARS AGO...........

faire your description of that awful, constant internal dialogue rings so many bells with me. Looking back to Monday night, when I didn't drink at all, I had decided the night before it would be either Monday or Tuesday. Monday morning I decided Monday would be easier as I would be out until late and from then on I kind of committed to it. Usually I would of committed to 'trying' not to drink which would cause continuous thoughts about whether I could manage it, justifying postponing it at the slightest stress or upset, and ultimately every time I then inevitably drank would just reinforce the feelings of failure, fuck it, not worth it etc which then makes me drink more. Then I feel physically and emotionally shit the next day so I drink.... It's totally exhausting.

I've spent a lot of today thinking whether or not to do an AF day tomorrow, I fully expect a manic 13 plus hour day at work so could either take advantage of the fact I will be out until at least 10pm, or justify drinking as it will be stressful. But I'm going to make an effort to think day by day; I've given myself a deadline of 12pm tomorrow. Then I will make a decision and stick to it. No buying alcohol 'just in case' on the way home if I'm not drinking but it won't be a failure if I have decided that I am. I'm going to try not think about it again tonight...a bit of an experiment really but we'll see!

claret how are you doing?

will your doing fab!

Evening babes. Have been a bit laid up after a minor op yesterday so spent a lot of today reading back on the old threads. What an inspirational bunch of ladies (and sometimes men!) you all are. I do hope that all those who posted on earlier threads but don't seem to anymore are all ok.

faire just like venus I read your post and thought, are you me?!? I have battled that sodding internal battle...negotiating with myself, planning drinks etc for at least 15 years and I'm so done with it all.

I noticed on earlier threads that 'not projecting' was mentioned a fair bit, and just to focus on the current day as worrying about the future can make you give in to the drink. I think that's a great tip. I am so worried (and I know this is silly) about going on holiday and not drinking that it can thwart my efforts to be dry. I just need to do one day at a time and deal with holidays when they arise.

will hope you are ok and well done on day 5! Doing fabulously.

Day 2 here and just back from a meal out with a pregnant friend, so no real temptation but I'm still very proud that I didn't drink, it was a lovely evening and now I can snuggle up in bed and peruse mumsnet with a clear head. Perfect.

X post elba glad you're ok, sounds like a good plan - make a decision and stick to it. Like you said it's the will I won't I battle that is utterly exhausting.

claret I understand the holiday thing (I think). I can't imagine going away somewhere sunny (I smoke; a cold beer and a cigarette in the sun is heaven in my mind) without alcohol...the company/ food/ sightseeing/ activities etc actually take second place Same with girly weekends, weddings, work nights out, nights out in general. I just can't associate enjoying life with being sober, however I'm gradually realising that although alcohol has been a massive coping tool for me it's also making me bloody miserable.

Exactly it elba, a lot of my 'enjoyment' from a holiday comes from drinking and I don't yet know what will replace that. A huge part of my and dh's life is trips away, relaxing with a drink together. I'm sort of worried I won't enjoy it as much without a drink and I also worry that my dh will be disappointed that I'm not drinking (despite it being blatantly bloody obvious, he still doesn't get that i have a drinking problem). Those of you who've been af for a long period, how do you manage holidays/weekends away etc?

Thanks Claret, I'm good, just tucked up in bed. I haven't thought about social events yet, holidays, nights out etc...but laying here thinking about it it would be nice for once to not be the one who got too drunk and made a fool out of myself and actually remember that evening!

Birthdays/ weddings/ Christmas do's....it's all been a free for all and always me where people would say "omg you last night!!!!". I realised today I don't drink because I like it, I drink to get drunk, and where's the fun in that? I can't remember anything so what's the point just for a stinking hang over? I can never leave wine in the bottle....no, in fact I'll go and buy/open another one of I can.

I know I'm not going to drink tomorrow, I just can't see the pleasure in it anymore :(

I still have a vague (most likely unrealistic) hope that I can get to a point where I can still have those 'normal' enjoyable moments with alcohol. But I doubt it. I would never give a heroin addict morphine, and at the end if the day alcohol is a drug.

Rang GP surgery today as had message last week to phone (which I ignored) then another today. She wants to see me, and they have given me an appointment Monday which scares me as had bloods done a couple of weeks ago and I always cringe when I see them add LFTs to the list. Realistically normal or abnormal LFTs don't give a true picture of any damage anyway and I know this, but it's like the results might mean Ive been 'found out' in some way Plus it's usually so hard to get an appointment and I'm a bit freaked out that they are bringing me in so quickly. But on the other hand if liver results had been awful I would of been told to get coagulation etc done urgently which I haven't so it's probably OK but still panicking a bit

Were the tests originally for liver function? You sound like you have some medical knowledge....? I don't even know what coagulation is??? Blood thickens? If it were serious I'm sure they would have seen you today on an energy appointment. Anyway, stat focuses for today

Virgin cocktails are always good for holidays. Long, chilled, fancy drinks. You don't even taste the alcohol in regular cocktails anyway so they are easy to sit and sip while you watch the sun go down over the sea.

Or take your favourite tea bags with you and ask for hot water. And eat! Have a little bit of all the local fare, tapas style. Switch your days around and go for early mornings rather than late nights. Get sightseeing before the crowds arrive, take a great collection of reading material to immerse yourself in. Keep hydrated with chilled water and you will come back tanned, healthy and relaxed instead of feeling like you need another holiday to get over that one

Elba the worrying about results is probably the worst bit. Try not to let it trigger you and focus on your plans to cut down or have another AF day x

elba I know it's a worry but try to see it as a positive that you are now under their care and that they will be able to advise accordingly. The worry is often worse than the reality.

faire you're right, there are plenty of alternatives and bonuses to not drinking on holiday. I think perhaps I'm worried about it as that's the part of drinking I've always enjoyed - when it's guilt-free and abundance is allowed. I'll just have to get strong coping techniques ready in advance.

I told dh this morning that I'm not drinking and he asked for how long and I said the foreseeable and he said 'forever?' And I said yes hopefully and all he did was say 'oh ok' Didn't seem bothered at all. Probably because he doesn't see me doing it but a part of me wonders if he's secretly happy....

elba don't let the worry about the result make you drink, in fact imagine that you were AF from now until Monday.... then if there was a question about drinking you could nonchalantly answer, oh last week I had a drink on Wednesday and Thursday but nothing since then. How good would that feel?

Re holidays: I used to find that I would drink less on holidays - there just wasn't the opportunity to sneak off for a top up, or to have a hidden stash of drink . So others would return from our holiday saying how much they'd been drinking and swearing they'd have to cut back once they were home, while I would have considered it as a semi-detox!

Now, I love being on holiday sipping an ice cold soda with freshly squeezed lime. Or fresh cononut water, or local fruit juice.

I also keep thinking about a conversation my friends had the other day about how one of them had 5 drinks in an evening - they were all aghast and 'oh well no wonder you feel rough then'......i was just sitting there thinking, that sounds like absolutely nothing to me I would class 5 drinks as relatively controlled. Perhaps that just goes to show my screwed up perception of alcohol and whats acceptable.

Sorry i'm posting so much these past few days. A lot going on in my head and no-one to talk to about it in real life.

Post away claret, that's what the babes are here for.

The Dsc are coming tonight for their contact weekend...this is a major trigger for me... not because of the kids but because DH turns into a completely different person and jumps down my throat if I ask them to do the tiniest thing. They are 10 & 15 and more than able to pick up after themselves. So rather than get into a argument with DH or sit in a mess I'd go into my room and drink untill I didn't care what was going on and then join them and be "fun Will".

Thanks will, even that tiny bit of kindness just made me well up. Total mess at the moment!

Good luck today, that sounds really tough but just remember there's no better way to turn a drama into a crisis than by picking up a drink! (read that on an old thread and thought it was great). Escape to your room and post on here if you need support. Pop out for a walk or have a bath....before they arrive have a plan in place as to what to do when you get stressed. You can do this!

Day 3 here, or (to make me feel better) day 6 out of 8 in April.

Hope you're all ok babes.

That's a very good way of looking at it, 6 out of 8, those are fantastic numbers

Gaaah, back from holiday with dd and just lost huge post to you all . No time to redo it so just best wishes to all and will try to catch up later (miffed!) .

DH back with the dsc and 4 beers. I'm keeping my head down.

will how are you doing? hope tonight has gone ok x

claret 6 days out of 8 is fab, and never apologise for posting (from a hypocrite that also apologises for posting, but when you lurked for a bit I was genuinely concerned about you and wanted to know how you were x)

Not an AF day, work was shit and i stopped on the way home for wine and beer...should of been food as had one meal in 14 hours but I like my lack of appetite at the moment. I'm just stuck in self destruct mode

Elba thanks for asking, it went well. I was rocking on with my tea while DH had a beer

13 years ago my mum died from alcoholism. Tomorrow would have been her 64th birthday. She's on my mind a lot at the moment

I have a bacon butty and a cosy blanked waiting here for you Elba

isinde can I ask, did you used to be isindeNial? I've been reading the old posts where your dts were born....are they almost 6 now?! They were such heartwarming posts, and how you got sober for them and your dp.

claret yes 'isinde'... is a prefix for several names, all for the same person (I assume) isindebetterplace, isindesidecar, isinde... train on the way back from a business meeting (ah , how well do we get to know each other )

And isinde is lovely and amazing xx

How are we all? Hope your cold is not too bad isinde.

Well, I succumbed to the stress of the weekend, I lasted till 2 but going out for lunch got me. Still, I don't feel too bad as I've not gone crazy and am in the safety of home now.