The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Springing Into Some Warmer Weather, Staying Sober Togeher

[Mouseface]

Hi, tis me, Mouse

Welcome to the Bus. We're delighted to have you here :) Not because if you're new to the Babes you are here for help, but because we welcome every kind of drinker. And for all of the reasons life throws at you.

Those that do drink, those that don't drink and of course those who do but don't want to say just how much..............

We've all had our own personal Groundhog Day , some still are and don't want to remain trapped in the same cycle day in, day out, and some still are and want to be which is fine and why we're here.

To talk, to listen, to just be us, like you are YOU. You never know, one day you might just want to wake up on a different day? :) There's no judging here, no 'sides.

After all, something made you click on and read this :)

Come say hi! We even do & if you're super quick!!

And if you want to see what we got up to in the last thread, have a look RIGHT HERE

And this is where our adventure began, almost six years ago now!!

ALMOST SIX YEARS AGO...........

Morning daisy, it's a new dawn, new day. You aren't alone m'dear. Even though I had one (admittedly large) glass, I feel fuzzy.

Coorie doon and let Gerald look after you today. Will check in later.

Good luck today ma, will be thinking of you xx

How are you doing daisy?

Ma is this your doll?

Hello, am OK...have had pins and needles in my arm all day and making me paranoid it's some kind of damage from drinking..although it could be anxiety / sleeping on it funny. Thanks for asking :-)

Feel so ashamed after doing well the other night and all your lovely posts I fucked up again last night, four pints and most of s bottle of wine. Feel like crap today. Had to make a difficult phone call (elderly, narcissistic, guilt tripping father) and it just became an excuse to get obliterated. It's like one step forward and ten back. Have counselling this afternoon which set me off on a binge last week so have to try harder tonight.

Will I immediately thought of horridbabydoll when I saw that thread

'Tis true ma, she has escaped from the boot. Eeeeeeek

Elba you are still a star You got that AF day and it can't be taken away, it still counts. And so will the next one. They may be few and far between but they have a habit of breeding when they get together. Keep at it, you're doing fine x

elba all those one step forward are better than none. And looking back on some of your older posts you are doing much better. . I wish I had some good tips for you but know I'm routing for you

Thank you faire and will. Guess it's a new day so have to start over...just kicking myself!

will that doll is truly hideous!!

Bad bad night last night. Had 'planned drinks' so not annoyed I drank but am horrified how I ended up. AGAIN. The only plus side is no one knows the worst of it as I kept it together until the trip home which is where it went horribly wrong. So bloody fed up. It's like Groundhog Day. Plus had minor surgery today which definitely isn't to be recommended on a hangover.

Totally clueless where to go from here. Back on the bus for a dry remainder of April I guess....

Hi

I hope it's ok to join in. I've lurked here and on DRY for a while (posted a bit on DRY). I'm not dry but I self referred to SMART 3 weeks ago. I'm going to weekly support meetings but they are undergoing lots of staff changes and I'm waiting to be assigned a key worker. I feel a bit in limbo at the moment until that happens. It's a bit of an excuse to keep on drinking if I'm to be brutally honest as they said I probably need a medical detox. But I need a key worker before they will let me see the alcohol nurse.

Anyhoo, that's me for now.

Claret it's ok, just keep trying. I know it's frustrating but you will get there if it's what you want.

If I remember rightly, you've had alcohol on two days out of six in April? That's two thirds so far without alcohol. Better than every day isn't it?

Hi Tang, welcome to the bus. It's a good place to hang out. Do you know how long it will be until you get a key worker?

Thanks faire yeah 2 out of 6 isn't as bad as it could be, but I just feel so rubbish right now. I put myself in real danger last night, fortunately the only thing that got hurt was my bank account but it could have been so so much worse.

I desperately want to stop for good but can't imagine a life completely without alcohol. I admire you so much, you seem to have figured out what works for you - how are you finding dry April?

I'm considering going to the doctors about this again, I've had enough.

Welcome tang

claret, on the words of JWN keep on keeping on. You're doing better than you think.

Welcome tang from one newbi to another. I hope you get a referral soon.

I was meant to go to London today but it got cancelled, and that's quite a good thing as I alway had an excuse to "not make the train" and have to wait for the next one and pop to the pub to kill time. Or I always needed to grab some
Shopping and that meant getting a few pre mixed drinks for the train.

So today is day 4 AF and I have yet again stocked up on elderflower sparkling water.

My front tooth (not the chipped one) still really hurts and I'm worried I've killed the root or something

will!!! You let horrid baby doll out! OMG
Run all of you, run. Save yourselves.
wry purple wool made me laugh. Am still thistle hieded.
Board meeting went to the vote...we live to fight another day but have to restructure and make one of my colleagues redundant to cut costs. Fucking horrible. Was sat there with sweat running down my back while they decided to wind up or continue....

claret big hugs. I don't have any advice but I can relate to that horrible 'what could of happened' feeling. You are doing so well though and like faire said to me earlier those AF days still count. I'm realising this journey is full of false starts but we are all still doing so much better than when we weren't addressing this. That said this whole thing feels like torture a lot of the time doesn't it, whether drinking or not. I found a drop in place near me run by a charity call addaction. Haven't been there as think they will still need GP details etc, but looking on the website they have over 100 places in the uk so could be worth a Google?

will you sound like your really motivated and doing brilliantly. Hope the tooth settles down soon.

ma sounds horribly stressful.

faire you're words of encouragement mean so much, thank you

Had counselling this afternoon then a massive panic attack in the car on the way home, the urge to get completely hammered is so strong now but have to be up early so I can't. So I've opted for not eating tonight instead . Not sure why I can't just function normally without all these stupid self destructive behaviours.

How about something light like soup Elba? That might help district you from thinking about drink.

I do feel more positive this time, I don't know why. I've done a lot worse that what I did on Saturday night, I've gotten into very dangerous situation, woken up with strangers and not known where I am or how to get home. Utterly shameful behaviour. I've also watched my mum take her last breath due to alcoholism and believe me it's not pretty. And through all that I kept on drinking, I have tried in the past but failed, I still may but I'm not thinking that far ahead as it scares the shit out of me. I haven't told my DH my intentions as I am not ready, as far as he's concerned I'm just laying of the booze for a bit.

The weekend will be the real test but I gave you lot and Gerald to keep me focuses.

*have (not gave)

Hello all. I've been reading on my phone but I can't post from it as I can't remember my password

ma that all sounds so terribly tough and I hope that something shifts with the funding situation so you're not continually living on this knife edge.

will you asked a question about how much people had been drinking previously. I am scared and ashamed to admit that at one time I was drinking about a bottle and a half of wine a day, plus about half a bottle of gin. And maybe even more sometimes. And I still tried to fool myself into thinking that I was a functional alcoholic - holding down a job, keeping on top of my life, appearing sane and sensible (except for the odd occasion when someone caught me out). But guess what? I wasn't functioning well at all. I was permanently and chronically hung-over. I was horribly anxious and jumpy and jittery, I was forgetful and disorganised - I'd speak to clients on the phone, agree a plan of action, and then forget to write it down so I had no recollection of who I'd spoken to or what I'd said. I'd put myself in scary, risky situations and I'm ashamed of the things I did.

My life was a farcical sham. I'd come home from a meeting on the train or the plane and buy a bottle of champagne - stupidly thinking that onlookers would smile benignly at a 'genteel lady' who was a bit tiddly but who was clearly celebrating something special. In reality, I was no better than any other person with a drink problem, and it would have been more honest if I'd been drinking cheap vodka out of a paper bag. And at least it would have been cheaper.

My days were filled with plotting and planning - what to buy, how much to buy, where to hide it. Oh the dread of running out! I'd plan when and where to drink in secret and I lived in a state of half panic in case anyone found my stash of booze or my innumerable empties. I forgot where I hid half of them, and even years later I still feel the awful shame of coming across an empty gin bottle in an unexpected and long forgotten hiding place.

But that is not my life now. I feel free and content and peaceful. I wake in the morning and sometimes I smile (not often - because after all it's still morning ). I am relaxed and unworried about what might be found lurking at the back of every wardrobe or drawer, or under a box of stationary in my office. I drive without fear of being over the limit from the night before (or worse). I can socialise or go on holiday without worrying how the hell I'm going to manage.

I'm never going to be a gym bunny, or want to run on the beach, and I doubt I'll ever be a size 8, but I can stroll round healthily and my god my liver must be so much happier than it was.

If I can do it, then so can you. And it's worth it.

Thanks Venus for sharing that, I can totally relate to the hiding of the empties, I would put a conservative amount in the recycling so as to not raise suspicion, the rest I would take to the banks in the supermarket car park. I hope never to worry that DH might find a hidden empty bottle now.

Claret believe me, it took ages to get where I am now. I was like so many others who got caught in that cycle. It just gets easier. I suppose it's like anything you want to achieve - 'practice makes perfect'. Or maybe it just takes a long time to change habits.

Dry April is fine for me because I take it one day at a time.

Before I would have had an internal dialogue: I would plan not to drink for a month. Oh but, wait, it's Amy's birthday on the 3rd so I'll start on the 4th. Oh, bugger, I forgot, we're going out to the theatre on the 10th. Ok, I'll do the 4th til the 9th, that'll be five days. Then after doing two days I would think, I can't wait for drinks before during and after the theatre. In fact, I would look forward to that more than the show itself. The night before I would cave and think, well I'm drinking tomorrow anyway, one more day won't make a difference. I would get as much in as I could because, you know, it was my last chance before giving up again. The next day I would not be able to face going cold turkey, so I'd have a little 'hair of the dog'. And then I'd tell myself I would start properly on Monday. And so it went on. The most boring, repetitive, tiring, dull, depressing merry go round ever

Who the hell wouldn't want to get off that?

Now, I just do one day. In the morning I make the decision and I know that there is no reason at all that I need to drink that day. If those annoying thoughts come into my head, I just bat them straight out. Don't give it a moment. There is no reason for me to drink today. I don't want to. I know that because I made the decision this morning.

No matter what happens, I won't drink. Nothing will be made better by drinking. If I won millions on the lottery, I would not drink today. It wouldn't make me any happier.

I'm not thinking about next week or even tomorrow. I am just enjoying today

Quick pop in here. ma things sound v stressful so hope you're OK.

Had to laugh that horrid baby doll is still lurking on the bus. The original is still upstairs but I have shoved her in a toybox out of the way... Happy to send her to someone though :)

I am managing 2 AF days then having a drink on thr third. It's big progress but I eventually want to cut back further. DH doing it with me helps but I managed even when he was away this week. I had a tough weekend with DD and drank too much one evening, but it just confirmed that that was a bad plan! I have to be totally alert in some situations so that I can pre-empt DDs needs. Tmrw will be a big challenge as we have friends over and I'd like to have a few drinks but I know that the evening will be hard for DD as she will be in a difficult social situation. And I cannot risk missing a sign because I'm in relax mode. So we shall see...

Hope everyone else is doing OK.

How is everyone this evening? Today is AF 5 for me and I feel exhausted! My DSIS came round with her ds and I did lunch for us all. Thankfully DS was so worn out after that he had a nap! (He's not had a day nap in about a year) so I joined him! Now I'm doing dinner :)

Hope you are all well

MsGee lovely to see you around and please, please, please do not bring that horrid baby doll out of your attic

Faire I read your internal dialogue and think, "did I write that?" It is all so familiar. And it is so much easier to not be drinking, to not be 'trying' to control things, to not be relying on willpower.

Lovely, old MIFLAW used to say, that in terms of drinking, willpower was as much use as it was with diarrhoea

MsGee that's good that your DH is cutting back with you, my DH is doing the same, the challenge for me will be when he gets some beers and I don't have any. The 2 off 1 on is a good idea....you can increase it when you're threads then.

I hope your dinner with friends goes well

When you're ready then*

Checking in, forgive the lack of name checks. Am so very tired.
My head feels like it's going to explode with all this stuff in work.
Laid the vinyl in the bathroom and made a right botch of it. It will have to do. Just have to patch it where I've cut it wrong.
beaches you still around? And sweet? And rural