FreeMo - Part 3

[AngryMo]

New Fred

...and even then that's not your costs because that's to keep his kids too

You and three kids that £18.75 week each like we said £2.68 PER DAY or 89p a meal. At much less when include drinks and cleaning and other house hold essentials. Oh love to steal us wallet and give him his weekly £18 lets see how amazing he does. You have done so well but very soon all crap will be over!

The man is not rational nor normal, it's not going to be possible to work out these discussions with him. As Atenco says, he's not even aware he's flatly contradicting himself. He actually believes separation will not be able to happen until he decrees it, this guy is not playing with a full deck. Very pleased to hear you're looking at support from the police.

Have you considered a multi lingual leaflet with pictures repeating 'I have left you' in all known languages and dialects?

I think I'd be tempted to say 'you don't pay me to keep the kitchen clean' - certainly don't make any particular effort to do so. He really does think he's bought you now he earns the only income, doesn't he? Absolutely terrifying to think what's going on in his head. I wonder what would happen if you suddenly won the lottery (not that you can or should afford the quid on the ticket) - would he become instantly subservient because now you have more cash? Alas we shall never know!

The kitchen is a great metaphor for him - he knows it's a badge of affluence and a room where you can more obviously splash the cash than, say, the living room (once you've bought the 70 inch telly and so on). But does he ever do any cooking in it himself? I can imagine a few flashy dinners when he wants to show off but that's about it.

I suspect he thinks that marriage is a contract - which it is, but in his mind it basically means that he's acquired a wife (i.e. a household appliance) under advantageous conditions, and so until the contract is legally dissolved (which he will try to prevent) the appliance continues to be available for him to use as he wishes, under the same conditions.

Nothing about your feelings, wants, and needs, of course. Much less those of your children.

Distance - I know what you mean, but he and Mo aren't married. So there is no contract, perhaps he thinks some kind of binding verbal agreement? Or that Mo has taken the King's Shilling and been pressganged into the navy and can't escape?

Oh, I forgot they aren't married. Even more bonkers then. So he must think that he's paying through the nose (as if) for the appliance and wants his money's worth.

Mo to keep your head whilst this fuckwittery is going on is so hard to do, and you are doing it. I can imagine a scenario where you sit down to prove what you spend and him using anything against you - please don't even attempt to do this

Your frustration in trying to make this cunt if a man see the truth is palpable - there is no point is there

Can you imagine how hurt you would have been if you'd not decided to split up? Him coming home, to be out all the time.

I wonder if perhaps he disputes the fact they are 'separated' because that's something married people do when they are taking time out of their marriage. As their relationship is defined as 'living together' and they are still living together, perhaps he just does not comprehend the difference? I would start using the term 'split up', Mo. Start telling other people as well, do his friends know yet?

God, he just gets crazier and crazier the more I think about it. If they were married, it would SOMEWHAT make some sense for him to say that they are not separated, because legally this would be the case.

But Mo and Mr Wanker Here ARE NOT MARRIED. So what the fuck is he on about? If a couple is not married, if there is no contract or partnership or something like that, the relationship is over as soon as one of the partners says it is. Not so hard to understand!

I agree with tripot. Don't say "separate" any more, Mo, because his tiny little mind seems unable to get the idea. Say that the relationship is over, or you have split up, or something like that.

It's hard to describe, I'm at home in a locked room away from him (he's back now) but I don't like being here with the door locked yet with my kids in their rooms unlocked, I feel like I want them all in here with me, away from him. I will unlock it before I go to sleep, because the little ones might want to get into bed with me early morning anyway.

He's not going to hurt us physically, but I am still fearful, but I don't know of what exactly. I'm just uneasy and unsure of what could happen.

Mo, if your instincts are telling you something then listen to them. You don't have to have clear, logical evidence, you have instincts for a reason. Maybe your friend's offer for you and the children to stay is the right one.

We're fine Rumble. The kids are all sound asleep and we'll be ok. If I need to get them out and into the car at any point, I can and have friends very close by. I know what you mean about instincts, and I'm on high alert, but he won't do anything physical, he just talks crap is all.

Agree go with your gut feeling. Even if just general anxiety and tension you have every right to not stay if you need too. If not tonight then maybe tomorrow. Though once he's in his room could you get kids up quietly then into the car?

Thing is you are a good parent - you have had to be you do it on your own. He's been back few days and saying you a rubbish you can't cope, you can't make decisions or spend money, you can't even keep the kitchen clean. Of course your instincts tell you this is not normal and not OK. That it's unhealthy and harmful just emotional and finacial. That's just as hurt ful as giving you the occasional back hander. That's why emotional anothe neglect and finacial a use are all still abuse.

Having a safe space to retreat to will serve you well during this 'visit'

I doubt you'll get a chance to discuss what to do about the house and any practical things, as he's in denial about everything it seems

Stay strong mo! You are doing great and will soon be free! Keep using your rehearsed phrases to shut him down.

If you can't sleep I'm sure one of us will be up for while yet. I'm normal up till 1-130am. We can make a game up or something silly if it helps

I'm just thinking about the uneasiness. He is unhinged, unstable, this is not normal, none of it. Thinking to go and get the bigger two and bring them in here anyway, little one just came in.

I need them with me.

Go for it throw mattress on floor call it camping. Tell them you are lonely or scared of thunder - they not notice it's not raining! Least you feel calmer when you can keep eye on every one

I know a game! You know the one where you say the ministers cat is a -- car? And you have to go round and all find a description with a, then b etc...

Mo's man is as arsehole of a man....
Next person thinks of an a as well! Then when the a's are exhausted go onto b's

Love the camping idea! Keep them close and have lots of hugs.

Got them all. Double bed nice and cozy