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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

FreeMo - Part 3

979 replies

AngryMo · 29/03/2016 13:54

New Fred Grin

OP posts:
DoreenLethal · 22/04/2016 06:48

Well done Mo.

He really is a dickhead isnt he?

Original poster
AngryMo · 22/04/2016 06:51

If I weren't so angry with him, I'd feel sorry for him. He really can't see what he's about to lose. But never mind, he can still buy his sports car.

OP posts:
Cantthinkofafunnyname · 22/04/2016 07:00

Well done Mo. It sounds like you handled it perfectly. What a twat he is commenting on the cupboards being bare!!

Just remember though, no matter what 'proof' you show him or tell him he will never ever admit he's in the wrong. He just won't. Also, there is a good chance the empty cupboards will be seen by him as you just trying to make a point and in his head they're usually stuffed with champagne and caviar (bought with his money). Try to detach as much as you can from his twisted mind and comments.

Hope the rest of his visit is ok for you.

Thattimeofyearagain · 22/04/2016 07:03

Well done Mo Flowers

Dungandbother · 22/04/2016 07:09

Is he working during this period at home or on leave?
Keep yourself extra busy and remember not to go out of your way for him, no washing his clothes or the like. If you have family meals with children then don't wait on him.

Great work Mo.

kittybiscuits · 22/04/2016 07:09

You will be well rid of this nasty, deluded prick. Well done Flowers

Dollius01 · 22/04/2016 07:11

He wants you to work in a restaurant once a week. No, no, no, no. You did not give up your job in your CHOSEN career to do that. You gave it up to enable him to work overseas. He is such an utter twat, it is beyond words.

You do not want to work in a restaurant once a week, so you do not. If it was something you wanted to do because you would enjoy it, that would be a different matter.

I gave up my highly paid job to enable my DH to work overseas. I don't work, although I do my old job in a volunteer capacity at the moment to keep my cv up to date (on a VERY part time basis) and my three kids are at school full time. Does my DH expect me to do all the housework and childcare just because I am now available to do it? No, he absolutely does not. He pays for a housekeeper so I don't have to do it.

Just as I would not expect him to do it if he was the one sacrificing his career to enable me to progress mine.

This is not because my DH is some sort of hero. It is because he is not a twat.

Dollius01 · 22/04/2016 07:13

And yes, do not include him in meals etc. You can't afford it on his measly store card allowance anyway. For the record, my DH was utterly shocked when I told him about your story. Literally couldn't believe there are men of our generation who behave like this.

starjumper · 22/04/2016 07:23

Sounds like you're doing a great job. Stay strong. We're all routing for you!

PhoenixReisling · 22/04/2016 07:34

Great job Mo

So glad, you recorded it.

He really is deluded isn't he.

If he won't pay for the uniform, could you not ask whoever you borrowed the money from to ask him for it? This would serve to reinforce his ridiculousness of asking for fecking receipts.

hi, twunt. Lent Mo X money to buy uniform, could you please either transfer X into my account or give this to me when I pop over tomorrow

Original poster
AngryMo · 22/04/2016 07:41

Phoenix, the friend I asked happily gave me the money but doesn't want him to know as they'd rather not be involved. Fair enough. I don't blame them, I wouldn't want to either.

OP posts:
PhoenixReisling · 22/04/2016 07:45

I thought that it maybe a parent who had; fair enough that they don't want get involved. As you say, I wouldn't either.

mix56 · 22/04/2016 08:06

OMG, I missed the last episode & logged on to discover his modus operandi has been option1 was it ? Denial.
How did the night go in separate rooms? no comments about that?
Do not make his meals, cater for your Dcs & yourself. Do not accept a meal out with DCs, he can take them if he so wishes (not in your car) Do not do his washing up/bed making/laundry.
Think of him a lodger. fortunately short stay.
Also, WATCH you phone. Log out, & make sure he doesn't get to see your posting here.
First stop today, Post Office. GoMo, I'm sorry he has proved true to himself & there was no iota of remorse or reconcile... It's over.

mix56 · 22/04/2016 08:08

You must tell the children today. No point in him playing super daddy. it will confuse them, best they be told that you won't be living together anymore

tribpot · 22/04/2016 08:09

Well, at least now you know there's no chance of remorse. I assume your parents will lend you the money to get the ball rolling with the solicitor you liked.

Good news that the atmosphere is not physically threatening. He seemed a bit quick off the mark with his info about child maintenance not being enforceable, could he have planned it this way, thinking he could keep you powerless due to no access to funds?

As an aside, coming home and then asking when YOU are going grocery shopping given how long you've been coping at home on your own is the height of rudeness.

mix56 · 22/04/2016 08:15

I'm waiting to hear about him discovering you have depleted his wine !! :o)

CrikeyPeg · 22/04/2016 08:22

Couldn't help but snigger when I read your post mix56 Grin

What a tosspot he is Mo - so self-absorbed and it's all about me me me.... and we all know that gets tiresome pretty quickly.

Barmaid101 · 22/04/2016 08:31

Your doing great mo! Get those forms sent off. He doesn't have a clue does he!
Flowers

ElizabethWindsorBirthdayGirl · 22/04/2016 08:34

OMG what an arse he is. He is clearly in denial big time. Sounds like you kept your head and played a blinder. Well done!!

Annarose2014 · 22/04/2016 08:45

Just popping in to wave pompoms for you Mo.

I know it's Hell, but keep on faking it till you make it. It sounds like you're putting up a very good front.

Not sure what's best with the kids when he's in denial, I suspect best leave the kids for now to keep your powder dry. Plenty of time to tell them in summer. Since he hasn't lived there in so long it'll be disorientating enough for them just having him around.

PhoenixReisling · 22/04/2016 08:47

mix what should mo do, about the fact that he thinks they have not separated re:telling the children? He would never agree and would gas light accordingly.

IMO, they do need to be told...they will have noticed that you sleeping separately, they will notice the fact that you are not spending time together even though he is home.

mix56 · 22/04/2016 09:12

IMHO I think they should be told asap. He categorically refuses to accept Mo is no longer his unpaid domestic, I think the reality is in telling the children.
How many more months can Mo live in this limbo ?
Mo will have to tell him that the children will be told by them together, (not when he decides & not what he wants) as he is present (finally)
If he refuses, she will have to tell him she is doing it herself, & expects him to behave as a responsible parent.
You don't have to be two people to agree a relationship being over. One is enough.
Plus Mo needs to add that the school have been informed (even if its not the case)
Her parents know, his parents know & XYZ friends know.
It's over. He destroyed it.

Joysmum · 22/04/2016 09:15

Well one good thing had come out of this, you know that he fully understands your position and that he believes financial abuse to be acceptable and desirable to him.

He chooses to be an abuser. This isn't a misunderstanding that would induce an epiphany.

Crack on as quickly as you can do. When does he go back again?

Akire · 22/04/2016 09:58

So glad to have an update. Well done Mo sounds like he did S we thought totally blanked situation 100%. Does he really think that saying he's to busy to attend sessions till the summer that this means you are not seperated? He obviously banking on you having no knowledge of support about how it works.

Think you can safely say you have done everything apart from tatooo on his head that it's over. How dare he try change the subject to done rubbish before talking about his family !

Love the food comment- thought at least he would have upped the allowe mice for his share at the very least. Let's see him try and do a nice food shop today shall we.

School uniforms- so he thinks kids don't need unless you can prove how much costs when presume quick interest search would give him basic figures yes you controlling ass this is what we mean.

Great great idea to record it all prove of prove that's he not acting normal, refusing situation and steam rolling ahead with I go be a big boy make all the money, you work 24/7 as a single parent, need a penny more go dork in a pub!!!!

But it's done the worse bit, hopefully he's not there very long. Agree ask him about the kids say if he's not willing to admit tell them you will. He really think you are some sort of 1920s housewife that can't split up relationship without his permission, and you will keep on dangle on and accept because he's busy or right time indefinitely. Arghhhhhhhh but you doing great, and happy Friday near free Mo

BoatyMcBoat · 22/04/2016 10:18

Ah, he's still living in his own little world where the Universe and everything else is ordered according to his will. He thinks that he can put off mediation for months because it will not affect his Universe, he has willed it thus. He can say you're not separated as this is his will and therefore that is the case. And so on.

No MrTwatChops, this is NOT your Universe.

Keep going Mo. You are walking the path to freedom.

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