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Original poster

What would you put in DATING THREAD 101....

999 replies

tanyadm · 28/03/2016 11:58

The Rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.
OP posts:
harriet2802 · 04/04/2016 18:55

Nope he wasn't working today. I reckon I had much more fun than he did last night as still not heard from him. I'm a bit gutted to be honest! Have been speaking for 5 weeks every day so I don't know what I did last night that has changed his mind but the lack of text today doesn't give me good signals. Ah well, nothing I can do about it!

I know it's not even been a day, but if you like someone then you don't take this long to reply! Sad

ALaughAMinute · 04/04/2016 19:37

Lovely positive stories Waving, Handy and Nanny! Enjoy! Smile

Harriet, do you think there's a chance he's pissed off with you because you didn't stay overnight with him at the hotel? Was he expecting more? Bloody cheek if he was but it's just a thought.

HandyWoman · 04/04/2016 20:02

Hmm good point, Laugh was there an expectation, do you think? Sounds like he was a gent, though Confused

Sorry he's given you no response. Maybe he's scared and trying to play it cool.

What a roller coaster..... Sad poor Harriet

JollyXmasJumper · 04/04/2016 20:04

Harriet my only advice is to back off. He will come around if he wants to date you. And if he doesn't he just wasn't MrRight. I have been there and trust me you don't want to go down the "convincing route", it is all downhill from here. Focus on getting new irons and thicken your rhino skin by checking out the "how to deal with rejection" article on A New Mode (sorry can't link). Wine helps too Wink

ocelot7 · 04/04/2016 20:22

So happy for Waving Handy & Nanny :) Just sprinkle some of yr fairy dust this way pls....

I'm trying to keep off social media & POF so as not to be aware what M is doing :( but a friend helpfully found me a potential iron when I popped round this afternoon - she asked me how to search pof & he was the first to come up so I'll send him a quick message now...let's hope be appreciates my shiny new 314 curated profile :)

BTW 314 that's 2 men I've messaged (incl disappeared tinder guy) so should make it to 10 by 1st may ....

Jollyphonics · 04/04/2016 20:25

Great to hear all the positive stories on here - yippee!
Some of the less positive stories are so sad and scary though - God it's a minefield isn't it.

I'm a bit anxious I'm being love-bombed, and it may all go wrong in a few weeks, by which time I'll have fallen for him.
We've had 2 dates, some moose burgers served but not dtd yet. He's very keen, said he's already come off POF (not checked as I don't want to know), date 3 sorted, texting all day every day. We've really clicked.
But reading posts from other people makes me worry it's all a bit too much too soon, and he'll start backing off just as I'm falling for him.
Any tips for spotting this, stopping it happening, being immune to the pain of it?
I'm still chatting to a couple of other men on POF but I honestly haven't got time to date more than one person because life is very busy, so I can't protect my heart with multiple irons!

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 04/04/2016 20:30

Harriet That's horrible, I'm sorry. I really hope he messages soon.

Ocelot That sounds really positive! You'll definitely get your 10

JollyX I loved that MH article! I have bookmarked it for frequent reading.

PrincessCimorene · 04/04/2016 20:40

Thank you for all the suggestions for hobbies!

MrsLannister I will have a look for a yoga class and you're right five dates is good going... i just have a feeling six may be the last one!

IToldYouIWasFreaky Loads of great ideas for hobbies, I looked at Meetup - definitely some stuff I could go to there. Will have to work up to going on my own though! And I'm very impressed at your ability to knit edible undies!! Well done on the exam too Smile

JollyXmasJumper I will check out Yoga With Adrienne and I think you're right about continuing to swipe. Initially I didn't but then noticed that he'd changed his profile photo so is obviously still looking... Not that there's anything wrong with that at this stage but really I should still be looking too!

ocelot7 · 04/04/2016 20:51

PS on closer inspection, RR is retired & spends winters in Tenerife (with the oaps!) so our lifestyles are too incompatible with me working very fulltime & tied to whiteboard sept- may :(

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 04/04/2016 21:00

Ocelot Don't be Sad I'd use him for chatting/flirting practice. Even have a date or two...you never know what might happen.

ALaughAMinute · 04/04/2016 21:10

JollyP, it sounds as if he's going too fast for you in which case it might be a good idea to hold off dtd until you feel more secure in the relationship.

ocelot7 · 04/04/2016 21:11

Freaky despite being retired with all this time on his hands he hadn't rushed to reply anyway...
But seriously - such different lifestyles is a big issue to me & I need my partner to be as occupied & enthusiastic about what they do as me - not off visiting NT & RHS gardens midweek!

harriet2802 · 04/04/2016 21:14

Thanks everyone! He did actually reply and said he had a really good night and spoke about some of the things we discussed last night. He said he didn't sleep well last night and has been making up for it today and blames the beer. He said he will text properly later on. I don't know what that means but at least he said he had a good time - if he wasn't bothered then he would say it I guess! I'll just let it flow but not come across overly keen but I've made him aware I enjoyed myself too :)

HandyWoman · 04/04/2016 21:17

Oh phew Harriet

Deffo go with the flow so so so so hard

It's sounding good....

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 04/04/2016 21:21

Oh yay Harriet! That's good news. And definitely the right approach from you I think...like you say, he knows you enjoyed yourself, you texted him today...it needs to come from him now.

Ocelot Ah, fair enough, if it's an issue for you, then strike him off the list! Mind you, mid-week visits to NT and RHS sounds bloody lovely to me...can I have his details please? Grin

ALaughAMinute · 04/04/2016 21:22

I'd say that sounds fairly positive Harriet. If he didn't have a good time he probably wouldn't have responded at all. Hope you hear from him later.

JustEat314 · 04/04/2016 21:30

Ocelot I added a few more to my favourites so that one day, after my friends have gone back to Boston (they haven't arrived yet, but I just know that this month will be a bad month for spontaneity) I will go through my favourites and message about ten of them. My profile is hidden at the moment. I want to take back control . No more fat, elderly perverts can message me. I will message men I like the look of and I will be strong enough and busy enough and happy enough and distracted enough to hardly notice if only one replies.

I ordered a book called ''mr unavailable and the fallback girl'' even though it's not like I've fallen in to this pattern over and over. I just thought it'd give me a bit of clarity. And then when I've read it, I'll decide what to do. If anything.

Glad your friend approved ocelot Brew

ocelot7 · 04/04/2016 21:31

He's all yours Freaky :)
Another guy - teacher - messaged me & he looks more promising but I'm drunk with tiredness after not being able to get to sleep last night so will be more able to compose something in the morning... zzzz..

JustEat314 · 04/04/2016 21:38

a teacher!? great. you can have the summers off together!

Trills · 04/04/2016 21:39

Anyone remember MrThursday?

We chatted, arranged a date for a Thursday evening.
On the Wednesday evening I messaged to say "Where shall we meet?" and he cancelled on me. Sounded very apologetic, but still a cancellation where he didn't even instigate the conversation.
We've chatted once since then (the next Tuesday). Longish chat but no suggestion of rearranging the date.
Now he's messaged me again.

He just wants someone to chat to on boring weekday evenings, doesn't he? He doesn't actually want to go on any dates.

HandyWoman · 04/04/2016 21:40

ocelot - am loving your work...
just sayin'

314 love the attitude... love the plan... enjoy the book and do please share any gems

HandyWoman · 04/04/2016 21:41

I think you're probably right there, Trills

lastnicknamefree · 04/04/2016 21:41

Phew, so glad he messaged harriet and all seems on course for date 2!

Trills · 04/04/2016 21:43

I really enjoyed the 30Dates blog JollyX

ocelot7 · 04/04/2016 21:52

We university folk do not get the summer off like teachers! Just sayin' ...but we do kinda work flexitime/from home when students not about...& I usually have to read 20-30 12000 word dissertations:( among other stuff just in case you thought I was having fun...