What would you put in DATING THREAD 101....

[tanyadm]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

eat yes I am often surprised that I stuck it out an hour. I'm far too tolerant, I was a social worker in a previous life and I think they took the non-judgmental assessment training too far with me .

I just got back from second date with MrMath . I am knackered. Not much sleeping occurred. I feel like I'm not me with him, I'm nicer IYSWIM. Usually I'm cynical, bitter and a bit freaked out in the presence of men so I drink loads and get quite cold and dismissive and a bit one up man ship as a defense mechanism. But with MrMath I feel weirdly calm and (I know this sounds REALLY wanky) normal? I don't want to push him away or hold him at a distance, in fact I want the opposite (this is not usual for me). I need a reality check from this thread, I need you all to tell me to stop being a dick .

harriet that's lovely about your date! How wonderful, hope you get date #2 in the bag soon.

shame it's fine what you are feeling, calm in his presence is good. As long as you also feel 'in' and 'of' and 'still' yourself.... Just sit with all the feelings and go with the flow.... or if you're like me with Twix you could also freak the f*ck out.... Doesn't sound like you're doing that you won't get a slap from me.

Sassy I'm absolutely rooting for you and the lovely MrTattoo.... Is he in contact in between dates too? Date 3 next weekend is that right? What are your plans? Loving Sassy Dating 2.0

Day off for me..... I shall spend most of it loitering with intent to catch an update from waving

I've just read an amusing Guardian article with made up buzzwords on the theme of ghosting.

I've namechanged (was Beth N0ir) and have realised I didn't come back to update the weekend before last's dates... I went for a 12 mile walk with one, pleasant enough but no spark and as he lives nearly three hours away we're not going to see each other again.

Thursday Night Cocktails guy and I went on date five this weekend. He lives in a different city and works shifts so I won't see him now for almost two weeks when I've agreed to go away for the weekend with him as his plus one to a wedding! Not sure how keen he is (will see after we've been away) but I like him and am trying not to invest too soon... I'm off work for the two weeks as well so am going to look in to some activities/ hobbies to keep me busy in the evenings... Does anyone have any suggestions?

I know yoga is popular on here Princess and I've heard that it's definitely a popular hobby with men

Sounds like you have got something to look forward to though and five dates is an achievement in itself! I've only got to four so far!

I have bit the bullet and joined tinder. I'm quite liking it so far, there are some really hot looking men! I'm still staying zen and underinvested though, I'm quite enjoying my new attitude.

I also like the fact that you have a limited amount of swipes, stops me getting too distracted! I live the fact you can't tell if they're online too!

Morning all! Found out this morning I passed my first exam! Feeling pretty chuffed with myself, especially after back-burnering OLD (and indeed the rest of my life!) to get through the studying. Looking forward to a quieter week this week, with a nice Bacon-flavoured date at the end of it!

Where is Waving?! Do they not having WiFi in Madrid?!

Princess Great article! Loads of new buzz words for us! When I am not neck-deep in studying, I usually spend one evening a week at yoga (great for my mental as well as physical health), a couple of evenings at the gym or running. There's also a meditation group I go to (probably not for everyone but it helps with my anxiety and is also a lovely, friendly group of people) I also go to a book group about once a month. I found most of those through meetup.com which is a really good way of finding people with similar interests.
If I am at home, I knit and crochet. Again, excellent for the mental health and also a good talking point for OLD (I can knit a pair of edible undies using strawberry laces and a pair of chopsticks...)

Shame You are not being a dick! I think it's possible to project different sides of yourself to different people...maybe he brings out the nice, calm you, which is no bad thing?

Harriet That sounds like a lovely first date! Have you heard anything from him yet?

Was just going to ask Harriet have you been in contact with him today?

handy thanks, what number are you on with twix now? Is it heading towards 'seeing' each other? I haven't even bothered with tinder this weekend (and I bloody love the thing) so math must be doing something right!

freaky congrats on the exam! That's brilliant. I'm doing a masters and exams start next month. So relieved when you pass!

harriet that does sound a lovely first date.

I'm so tired and I should be reading research reports for a 3,000 word essay I've got to write but thoughts about last nights shenanigans are distracting me

We stayed chatting until 1.30am and he was staying in a hotel. I drove home and he stayed in a hotel. We were both shattered and he said to let him know when I was home but he apologises in advance if he falls asleep before I get home. I texted him and said how I'd love to do it again and thank you for a lovely night but not heard anything off him this morning yet...

I am a bit of a paranoid mess after my last break up and always think the worse! But it was a lovely night and he did seem very interested so fingers crossed I hear from him soon

Sounds really positive harriet

He sounds like he has lovely manners

I can't get over how lovely he was! I'm just wanting him to get in touch now and see how he felt about last night.

Shame am actually losing count with Twix dates. It seems silly to keep counting really. It's nearly 10. It just feels great.

He still texts with 100.0% consistency and said something very lovely last night about seeing me on Sat.

Even though neither of us has expressed explicitly the what/where/why I just have a sense we are both going with the flow in a -dating-as-discovery stylee... And that's exactly what I want. No fast-forwarding, just unfolding and gradually getting to know each other. It feels very simple and undramatic. Yet bloody wonderful.

I was out with a friend last night. She said 'what if you compared him to your ideal man?' And I replied 'mate he's far more wonderful than anything I could have conjured up in my head'. Those words actually came out of my mouth!

The only issue really is I keep wondering whether I should pinch myself...? Aside from that I've lost all the overthinking. Too late now to try and defend myself against it going wrong. Way too late. What will be will be now...

I am amazed to have had the ridiculously good fortune to have this man pop into my life and to be 'dating' like this.

And so here endeth the lesson. Really sorry about the fluffy gushing self-indulgent shizzle. I just needed to put that somewhere and chose the thread. Just feeling so so grateful to the universe.

I think waving is having a lovely, lovely time...

Harriet Why don't you text him?

Handy Please don't apologise! It's honestly lovely to read. I remember just before you met Twix you were bemoaning your lack of irons and sounded almost ready to give up...and then there he was! So it gives me, at least, hope that there are good guys out there and that this crazy OLD business can end up in a decent, uncomplicated relationship. So, post away!

Harriet Will keep my fingers crossed for you. He's probably doing that "not wanting to appear too keen" thing that men sometimes irritatingly do...

Shame Best of luck with your masters! I'm only doing a course through work which seems to have taken over my life so I am in awe of anyone that actually manages to do "proper" study.

Harriet has already texted him, Naze and now needs to sit tight, if she can, I reckon.

re the hotel. Does he live s long way away, harriet?

Freaky you're totally right. Before Twix popped up I was totally exasperated with lack of irons. So it just goes to show you never know...

We met halfway but he works for the same chain so it was dirt cheap for him to stay over as he didn't have work this morning anyway! Made sense really as trains were going back early.

He's a bit of a slow texter usually anyway but it's killing me not hearing from him yet!

I bet it is Harriet. That's really hard. Agony even. Do whatever you can to distract yourself. And have while you wait.

Thanks Handy - I will keep you all updated and hopefully he'll be in touch soon. He can't still be asleep, surely!

Hello! I'm new to the world of online dating and this thread so I hope it's the right place for my story! I have been on match and pof for quite some time but only have the odd chats here and there until a couple of months ago when I did think I'd met a lovely guy on pof and we had 5ish lovely dates and he was great with messaging in between (he has kids to so we met about once a week). We had agreed to come off pof whilst we saw how things were going - my suggestion and he agreed as I didn't feel comfortable seeing him on there. Anyway, I last saw him on Monday and we slept together for the first time and then I saw him back online by Saturday! I wasn't too happy and let him know this. He claims he had been showing someone how the site worked etc and then had forgotten to hide his profile again. Then he was upset with me for assuming the worst and suddenly decided the hr distance with kids etc was too much. Had a bit of a calmer chat about it all yesterday and he's called a day on it as although he claims to really like me he's not ready for a serious relationship. So that's all left me feeling a but rubbish!! So ladies where did I go wrong and any future tips?? Xxx

Ah, well, if he's a slow texter anyway, I wouldn't worry. It's when the patterns/style of communication change that's a cause for concern. I'm sure he'll be in touch soon but yes, distract in the meantime...preferably do something that means you CAN'T look at your phone every 2 secs!

Brightmoon

You did nothing wrong. Re him being back on POF - well - so were you! There is no easy answer to that. It's the classic landmine of OLD...

The bottom line is he didn't see you as girlfriend material. It's brutal but true.

On here many of us (though not all) find that the online dating guru Matthew Hussey makes sense of all this stuff.

Have a good ole peruse on YouTube and see what you think.

In the mean time dust yourself off, get back out there, and enjoy the thread!

Sorry I should have said I was only doing a blind search on pof to see if he was on there - bit insecure after my ex!!

Music to my ears, waving

Enjoy this week!! Thoroughly deserved! Good ole MTG! I think I heart him too for being so lovely...

You deserve a break! enjoy enjoy enjoy!
it sounds great!
x