What would you put in DATING THREAD 101....

[tanyadm]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

Anna he's agreed to do the pub and cinema instead. Bizarre sense of humour. Hmmm.

Good on you, Anna - you'll feel in your belly what's the right thing to do. 'Dating is discovery' and all that... Hope tonight is another nice date.

Geordie some red flags about for you, including early adding on Facebook, Mr 'I'm a good guy' plus badly-judged banter about abandoning you in the woods on date 2. If you've done the Freedom Prog it never hurts to re-read the book. Don't be even slightly afraid to insist you meet at the cinema.

to shame Send something brief and polite if you like. Unless you feel it will encourage him? In which case ghost

Yey for sparkles and MrBeard!

I met a guy a month ago and we live in different cities. Both text every day and he asked to meet up with me. Finally arranged a convenient date for us both this weekend but he hasn't let me know any plans yet - I asked what time he'd like to meet yesterday and he said he'd let me know last night. Last night came and he said he would defo let me know today and sorry to be a pain. I am still waiting. I don't know what to do and am worried the silence is him calling it off already?!

anna size 10 and the biggest girl he's been with? Wtaf? Do have that chat with him and good luck I hope he puts your mind at rest.
geordie well done on rescheduling to the cinema, wise choice until you know him better I think.
shameandregret welcome to the thread, it's so supportive and a wealth of info here! If you really don't want to engage with him then don't! It's not rude to ignore, and criticising your parenting style when he's not even SEEN it is of course a huge red flag so you did well with the block and move on mentality resists urge to ask who he is

harriet have you got any other irons?

In my conversation with Pugwash I won't be taking any prisoners, I'll be kind but clear. Honestly? When I mull it over I think it was just one of those stupid think before you speak moments. Or maybe it really is a red flag. His response tonight will be telling, I will report back!

Ooh sparkles so happy for you with your lovely mr beard! So many loved up ladies this is a very lucky thread!

Please could I get some advise on if I should ditch mr slowburner or not? I sent him the first message a week ago, he replied after 2 days. I have been chatty and friendly, he's like pulling teeth! No banter and no effort. He actually said "as were local we may as well go out for a drink" I mean wow, how to make a girl feel wanted right! May as well?? Anyway I carried on with it as he is near to me, has a child my sons age and looks my type from his photos. I said I was free Thursday of Friday night, he said did I drive and so would I go over there? Again lack of effort? Nothing for 2 days, then this afternoon I get a brief message from him saying he has his daughter Saturday so I can meet him in the park if I wanted! No mention of a drink or evening date, or even coffee. I think I've gone off the idea because he seems either completely disinterested or ridiculously laid back which I'm not. And on top of that a possible cheapskate getting out of drinks and getting a free date in his local park!! Thoughts? What do I say!!

Thanks last and handy I will take your advice and ignore. He's a northern guitarist in a biggish studenty band but better not out him massive narcissist. I'm very good at blocking and moving on. No way am I getting involved with the crazy after the marriage I had.

anna you are size 10 and he is saying you are the 'biggest'?!?! WTAF? I'm sorry (I know I'm a newbie) but that is horrible, red flag behaviour in such early stages. Listen to your gut!

last I would just say I'm not comfortable involving children at this stage and leave the ball in his court. He sounds half arsed.

Well, in addition to Mr. fell-down-a-hole, I might have another iron. He's a bit nearer than the man down the hole and quite funny. He's been messaging a couple times a day for a few days and he's quite funny. He wants to have a "proper chance to chat".

Foxtrot Mr Crumpet sounds ace, hope all goes well on Saturday
You said "Has anybody else ever agreed to a second date because they felt bad for the man?"
Yes, and I ended up staying with him for 7 years, what a fucking waste of my twenties!!

Geordie I think you've done the right thing with Mr Walk in the Woods, but it's probably just a lost in translation thing and he's right now kicking himself. But it's best you feel comfortable.
I would NOT feel comfortable about going to a man's house who keeps insisting he's a "good guy". Because he will almost certainly expect sex, and then if you don't want to, he'll launch into the whole "But why, I'm a good guy, women are bitches who all like bad boys" - like you're a fucking vending machine that he can put in 4 dates of him telling you he's a good guy and then expect you to dispense sex on the 5th. So unless you definitely want to knock boots with him, I'd meet him elsewhere.

Well my date for Friday has cancelled today :( Messaged me to say he'd been up since 4am with a horrible cough and cold. We've had loads of people off sick at work with similar so he's probably genuine. However I messaged him back and was really understanding. And then when I re-read my message I realised I'd gone straight into Mum mode. He's only 31. Cringe

I've got another two irons though. Mr Yoof is still on the scene and we have now exchanged numbers. Since Mr Bulldog has cancelled, I might see if Mr Yoof wants to take me out tomorrow night instead :)

I've also got Baggage Handler on the slow burn - he works at an airport, I think he's trying to come over mysterious like he might be a pilot but I don't reckon he's that high up! His working patterns mean he won't be free to date me for about 3 weeks, which is a bit boring.

I've got another couple of gorgeous guys messaging me on Tinder but it's pretty clear they're only after a booty call. Can't say I'm not tempted though!

I now have NO irons after all 3 of mine turned out to be. completely disinterested or a no show

last he sounds like a waste of your time and energy. "Might as well" indeed! I think I'd just stop replying, it's not like he's going to bombard you with messages

Anna I missed your post. That's fucking outrageous. I would personally think that was deliberate. If not deliberate then he's such a socially-inept person that I just wouldn't want to be around him.

Harriet that sounds like he's waiting to see if he gets a better offer (not necessarily a date but maybe waiting to hear about plans with friends.) I think I'd probably send a text and say "You've got 30 minutes to pick a time and place or I'm accepting an offer from someone who's got their shit together" - but then I can be confrontational like that

Oh god I can't concentrate on the thread or life!! I need to get a grip quickly! I've had brief contact with Crumpet by text earlier today but nothing since. I get the impression he's not into endless text banter but I'm also concerned he's changed his mind

I've asked my wax lady to fit me in for an emergency wax before work tomorrow! It was always going to tempt fate!!

Tonight is going to see me flogging MH on YouTube and getting myself some more firm irons...

Well my second date today with Mr Boffin was a slow deflate, lots of awkward silences and zero chemistry... And unfortunately he didn't feel the same Had to have one of those excruciating conversations after he tried to hold my hand for about the fifth time! So am at home with my cats!!

Oops, posted to soon. At home with my cats, scrolling through Tinder, and one of the profiles wouldn't open properly. As I tapped impatiently away on my phone, I accidentally super liked it without even seeing who it was.... Oh dear, it's guaranteed to be an old gimmer or someone with masses of photos of them in muscle shirts standing by their sports car, isn't it

MH is on Youtube? Ok, that's my evening planned.

Today i joined pof and one of the first messages i had was very sexual!
Not heard from youtube iron since yesterday and none of my other irons have responded to my messages.

Haha, Ida I've accidentally Superliked so many people but none of the buggers ever like me back... Sorry about your date...

Oh God ida how awful that would be my worst nightmare! What did you say? And how did he take it? nosey much
muddling it's a bit of a slog at times isn't it?

I wouldn't like to hear that comment Anna. I'm size 8 on top and 8/10 bottom and if a man told me I was the biggest woman he'd been with I wouldn't know where to start dissecting that. 1) that he was even so aware of the sizes of all of his exes that their dress size got mentioned to you, 2) that he said it to you, 3) that he is keeping you on your toes by telling you that, 4) that you're not more than the sum of your parts to him, but that you are a list of parts, 5) that he has a very high bar for women, 6) that women have to conform to a particular image to be attractive to him.. it doesn't indicate a very holistic attraction does it? more, cookie cutter, another slim woman.

Had a date with mr keen but really no spark. Told him I had a nice evening but wasn't in the same place as him and he told me I'm full of shit and blocked me!!

7. are you supposed to be grateful that he's making an exception for you/ ie, his type is thinner. It sounds like negging.

cleo what an idiot! Oh well onwards and upwards!
mags314 I think your number 7 is spot on

Cleo sore loser! Onward and upward :)

Well I've just spent over an hour on the phone with Mr Yoof and can definitely say we clicked. Lots of laughing :) Looks like we have a date Saturday evening, to be confirmed tomorrow. Boom!