OP I've just read your entire thread, and I just wanted to send massive hugs and lots of strength to you. I have been in your exact position and reading it I got a reminder of the overwhelming anxiety that I felt when I was there.
I am now 10 years down the line married again with two more kids, to a wonderful man who respects me and loves me. When I was in your situation it felt like it was going to go on for ever. I just want to say to you please don't be afraid of calling the police, I had a similar aversion to calling them but as it turned out that gave me the evidence that I needed and in hindsight it was the best thing I could have done. I remember the fear and the anxiety and being so scared of pissing him off, In the end I ended up packing myself and my daughter into the car and going to my sisters house where we lived for two weeks just before Christmas until the solicitor got him to leave the house where I moved back in until it was sold.
I understand that this may not be an option for you though. I would recommend talking to your children, particularly your eldest, about the reality of the situation. Perhaps letting him know that his dad's behaviour is unacceptable. You can pretty much guarantee that his dad will be filling his head with shit and it is worth thinking about the countering that in an age-appropriate way. I don't know if you are on Facebook but Lundy Bancroft has got a page on their where he talks extensively about the problems women face and it may have useful information on there.
I had similar power games about the car except I had no car because one of the reasons why I ended up splitting up from him was because he crashed the car with both of us in it whilst in a rage. I ended up buying a little run about that was just mine and the relief was immense that I had freedom that he had no hold over.
Hang on in there, you can do this, you are far stronger than you realise and you will rise again stronger, wiser and this will all be a distant bad dream.
Create an image or a movie in your mind of what your future will look like and hold tightly to that. I remember the day when I got the keys to the little rented house that I ended up in with my daughter and amazing feeling of knowing that he could never come in.
After I left with my daughter I went back one day to collect some stuff with my brother-in-law to find my ex emptying the house of anything of value. Whilst trying to stop him leaving with an item of mine, he pushed me over and I rang the police. It went to court and he was convicted of assault. The funny thing was he had never hit me, but he was quite fond of pushing me over, or out of the way, when he felt that he wanted to assert himself. He is now alone, bitter and twisted while I have a wonderful life and I'm happier than I ever thought possible 10 years ago when I was in the shit things like you are. Also my daughter now knows what her dad is like and her relationship with him has dwindled as the scales have fallen from her eyes. This brings me no joy but her life is better the less time she spends with him.
I will be thinking about you and sending all my strength.