The ignoring....gaaaa

[jellybean2000]

That is all.
Yes, I'm divorcing him.
He will continue to stoop to whatever method he can to control, upset and anger me.
Delay, delay, delay.

I've been here for a while but NC a while ago.

More "demands" from him.

Weighed myself. BMI is 18.2.
I feel self conscious when people (who don't know) remark.
I can say I am running a lot (true but doesn't account for weight loss). I think I look ok (I'm tall and athletic).
Well, not much I can do, just delaying getting on with the day.....

What is he demanding today?

Ah yes the divorce diet, I know it well! However, you also have the anxiety issues and that nervous energy will also cause you to lose weight. Eat little and often as best you can, make sure you are getting all your nutrients and this will eventually right itself when everything settles for you.

It's a list of when he's taking DS2 out in the evening, including when he wants the car. He should be discussing these things with me, NOT just telling me, leaving me in the position of having to negotiate or ask him for more detail so I can work out school runs etc.

He wants to take DS2 out this evening for dinner. Poor kid is tired and needs some down time, NOT to be taken out all the time. And DS2 and I normally go to boot camp on a Wed as well.

In fact, it's the sight of the note more than the contents which made my heart race.

In mortgage news...I've found a good deal so am hoping I can get the ball rolling.

I have heard NOTHING from my sol as to whether he's planning on getting a car by the 17th.

He has been told that he needs to make new transport arrangements as he is being removed from the insurance on the 18th. You could instruct your Solicitor to ask his to remind him of this, then go ahead and remove him as planned. If he tells you he wants the car after that, tough, he's no longer insured to drive it and if he takes it anyway you will phone the Police and report him for stealing it and driving it without insurance.

He also made an agreement to abide by certain rules as to his behaviour, maybe his Solicitor should be asked to remind him of the conditions. Maybe you could add a new clause to cover taking DD2 out at night when he needs down time and sleep for school.

Letter from his sol saying "my client has been made aware of the situation regarding the car". Vague.

Anyway, I really, really need to start moving my SOs and DDs from the joint bank account as he is using it rather than his own money. I'm furious. I'm trying not to beat myself up too much for not having done this sooner as it's such a lot of work and I've been up to my neck in financial divorce stuff as it is, as well as you know..just living.

Do I just call the different companies and change the details of the account?

Just been physically sick with the anxiety of it all.

atm I don't think he'll break the law with the car, it's more that he'll do stuff like get the bus with DS2 and then call me to collect them, or they'll be a blinding row because he can't get to work.

The row I can sort of deal with, the leaving him stranded with my 7yo is harder. WWYD?

All these sol letters cost £££££

I'm just totally fed up and want to run away.

I would pick up the 7 year old and leave him there.

I know how difficult it is, I had years of bullying, control and cocklodging. My ex thought that if you said something loud enough and often enough the message would get through eventually. He would stand there screaming the same thing over and over again. I hate being shouted at, I would be frightened and upset so he would do it all the more.

One day you just wake up and say I've had enough. The screaming stopped
when I stopped reacting to it, no shaking or crying, just looking at him as if he was a sideshow at the fair. The first time was possibly the most difficult thing I have ever done, it became easier.

He does it because he can, because it gets him what he wants. The more you can force yourself not to react the less he gains from doing it. Pick your battles but don't back down once you have decided on a course of action.

If he screams because he can't get to work, remind him that he's had more than enough notice to make other arrangements. His transport is no longer your responsibility.

Fingers crossed on the mortgage.

How would he be if you said 'as you know Weds is boot camp so no you can't take him out?' Just out of interest was he this attentive when ds1 was younger?

It's all been said regarding the car, no need to spend any more on solicitors. I'm sure you are right, he will find ways to be awkward and make your life difficult. Is he actually able to purchase a car or does he need to wait until the settlement?

Yes please do sort out that joint account, you need to go into the bank, explain you are separating and you need to transfer all the dd's etc., make sure that joint account is closed or your name is removed, that is important because if he were to run up debts you would still be liable. He has a bloody cheek using that account for personal stuff!

He just came into my garden office (where I work full time and he sleeps) and said that if I take him off car ins next week he will say I cannot work here.

Not true, but felt scared and threatened.

He has the money to buy a car, move out etc. Funny that, since I've been the one working all these years....FINANCIAL ABUSE.

He knows he can't do it, it's intimidation tactics to get his own way. He sounds like a tamtrumming toddler, stamping his entitled little feet and shouting because things aren't quite going his way.

If he sleeps in the office, would you be able to move your work stuff into your bedroom in the house? or into a spare bedroom if you have one.

I can work anywhere with wifi really, but the laptop is small and posture not great if I'm not at a desk. No spare room.

FURIOUS with Barclays and Natwest. Both of them failed to tell me (despite me telling them of my situation and why I needed to close the joint account) that you cannot easily do an account transfer from a joint to a sole-named account. I have to phone the companies one by one. Had crying melt down in both banks. Idiots.

Would a small desk/dressing table fit in the room?

The only way I could deal with the ex was to laugh at him to myself. When he started his nonsense I imagined hm as a full grown baby in nappy screaming and stamping his feet, it took a lot of the sting and upset out of what he was doing/saying because I was trying not to laugh. Would something like that work for you?

Not really. Why should I have to move out of my office anyway? It's where I work to support the family.

No I don't think your method would work. I get too upset and am scared of him.

[fist pump]
Gave myself the afternoon off work and sorted out all bar 2 DDs (which are in his name).

Oh and he's off the car insurance from the 17th.

It's been a good afternoon then, DDs and insurance sorted.

No reason at all why you should move office - your house and you have every right to work there. It was just an idea for if he keeps threatening, to make the threat fall very flat.

If he keeps threatening I will call the police.

Good

I'm just de lurking to say well done on changing the insurance. I know it was such a big thing .

Just wanted to pop on - have read your entire thread since you started and you sound so much less defeated than that first post - if that makes sense

Glad to see you holding strong on the car insurance. .. once that victory is yours, further battles will feel so much more achievable!

Best of luck FV - you're doing great!!

Well done on the dd's and the car insurance. He is going to need to get a car sooner rather than later anyway. He seems to forget that you two are actually getting a divorce and won't be sharing a home and a car! Don't get why he is so upset about it, he has had plenty of notice.

What will happen to the joint account, can they close it whilst he has dd's on there?

I think I need to get a non-mol order.

Had my GP review and feel such a failure because I'm not doing enough to help myself out of this situation. The only thing that will change my mood is to get him out of my life.

I am in floods of tears and terrified to go down the non-mol route but also feel that I should have done it months ago.

Don't dwell.
You didn't do it months ago.
You were doing the best your could to get through.
But... Now it's time!
Do it. Don't think about it, just get on and do it.
for you.
I think of you a lot and the hell you are going through.
KOKO!!!!

I have been lucking in your thread for a while. Not much to offer in the way of advice. But I will say this. Only you can change your life OP. You need to do WHATEVER you can to rid yourself of his man! Please please help yourself and apply for the Non Mol order. I wish you all the best and hope that you can get this complete arsehole out of your life

Don't feel like a failure, all you have done is try and keep the peace during your divorce. Unfortunately in doing so this has had an adverse effect on you and your mental health.

Is he continuing his threatening regarding the car?

Don't beat yourself up, bite the bullet and do it. You will come through this, it's so frustrating that he seems to be hanging on til the very last. I take it if he can afford a car and insurance he can also afford to rent a place without waiting for the settlement?