The ignoring....gaaaa

[jellybean2000]

That is all.
Yes, I'm divorcing him.
He will continue to stoop to whatever method he can to control, upset and anger me.
Delay, delay, delay.

I've been here for a while but NC a while ago.

Yes, he's a different boy when he's with proper adults.
My heart is heavy.
I still cannot think about residency. I think I need to get some advice from professionals. DS2 doesn't even know his Dad's moving out.

..and no response to me asking him about splitting household goods.
...and I don't know whether he's responded to the notice that I'm taking him off the insurance on the 18th June.

I'm sorry, it's horrible leaving your son like that.

I don't think your son needs too much notice that his Dad is moving out, perhaps leaving it until closer to the time will prevent any possible emotional blackmail from your stbx, your son must know something as he has mentioned his dad's gf's.

Stbx probably doesn't know what he is going to need from the house yet, perhaps you should do your list and have it ready.

I suppose I would be in the tell DS2 camp as clearly things aren't okay. He may actually be relieved knowing that the current situation is short term.

Wish me all the best for my mortgage appt this afternoon!

Oh and popping into solicitor office to sign the Statement of Information for a Consent Order.

Two positive steps.

KOKO

He has tried so hard to grind you down but you are still standing, moving forward and he is getting one footstep nearer the door...

I really think you do need to tell DS2 because you can sure as hell know that twat will tell him utter lies

Good luck, hope all goes well

Hope all goes well today.

I will only tell DS2 when we know where stbx will be living so we can answer his practical questions as to where he'll be, how many nights he'll be with Daddy, how he'll be transported between the two etc etc.

I don't want stbx to use this to control me. As far as lies go, I can only tell myself that goodness and truthfulness will win, though there are no winners in this, just damage limitation really.

Hope it went well.

Yes I know but I have visions your stbx refusing to do "you are kicking me out on the street, I haven't been able to find anyway" and so on deliberately not telling you where he is going etc.

I really think he will fight very nasty & dirty when it comes to it. Perhaps once there is a firm date for signing the forms etc. you do need to tell the DC that he has to go on that date because he has agreed to it and he has known for a long time and you don't know why he hasn't found somewhere to go as he has his share of the house etc.

I guess it's just be prepared for each scenario and work out the best way to handle each option?

It all went OK thanks. The trilogy of divorce shite (mortgage, important form and more ADs...I won't know what to do with myself when this is over!).

I feel rather demoralised about how long it might take, but it is what it is.

When the house is in my name he will HAVE to go. I could do it EastEnders stylee and change the locks and pack his bags, but most likely it will take a stern letter from the solicitor. Of course he could delay on signing the Deeds over to me....more stern letters. What's the purpose of trying to break me financially, the kids won't benefit from that.

I will do my best to think things through so as to limit to drama for my children. Once this is over I will be a different person and that's what I'm looking towards really, as the immediate future is uncertain (ie at the mercy of him).

Bloody hell what a saga and what an almighty twat he is. Nothing to add but my God woman, what you have had to put up with!
KOKO.

Bless you. Thanks for the support.

MN folk have been brilliant.

When the house is in your name I suggest you change the locks anyway.

Glad you are keeping your head above water, you are doing great and all the details will fall into place.

I shall change the locks and install a crocodile infested moat around my house hard with a terrace but I'll manage

I've had a lovely day today, just me and DS1. Went into town to get him much needed clothes (he has finished growing in height, but is filling out now!). Had some lunch and pottered around a bit. Wanted to get myself something nice, but my heart wasn't in it and I'm mindful of not spending money I don't need to.

Then back home and DS1 cooked a lovely dinner.

Such a massive difference in mood to when he's here, I think that's why it hits me so hard when he gets back.

I've spoken to DS2 today and he's having a fun time with his Dad.

I'm trying not to think too much about next week and the return to the routine - I'll just enjoy the 2 more days I have.

He's back today (when he deigns to tell me his plans I will know what time I need to collect them).

Having slept much better the last few days I woke last night feeling sick and dizzy with anxiety and now feel the usual feeling of desperation. I KNOW it's bad after a respite, but am yet to find a way to deal with it.

Unfortunately I don't have any ideas on how to handle the anxiety after a respite. At least you know that with him out of the way you are not a nervous anxious wreck so when he does actually leave you can live your life without being crippled by anxiety. I'm sure he will still find ways to piss you off but you can feel secure within your own home.

I will help you dig the moat!

So glad you had a good time with DS1. Is he doing AS or A2's?

I am a mess today. Shaking, sweaty hands, can't focus, stomach churning, dizzy.
I don't want to feel like this.

DS1 is fab. He's doing just maths AS (L6th). His other subjects are pre-U courses, so end of course, but he does have internal exams.

Maybe I will go for a walk.

Collecting them at 7pm. I don't want to go. I don't want to do this anymore.

Sorry I didn't see this earlier. I guess you have gone to get them, just focus on DS2.

Any word from mortgage company?

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this.

Thank you. I got through it.
About 6pm he txt to say it would be nearer to 8pm. I went for a run and came back to find another txt to say 7.45pm. No time for shower so went all sweaty. They didn't arrive until gone 8pm in the end anyway. BUT, stbx just left DS2 with me and then cycled home, so I did get DS2 to myself and didn't have to excruciating car journey with him and time at home before stbx got back. If he had told me he was going to do that it would have saved me a lot of anxiety.

It was awful when he got back, so I went for a late walk.

This morning he's broken the rules he agreed to abide by ie did not leave me to get DS2 ready for school.

Mortgage wise, I have a Decision in Principal from one and now need to get a couple of others. It will be fine I think, but going to be more expensive than I first thought due to the sort of contract I have with my work (Science, rolling) and it's going to take more time than I hope, which is depressing.

So he isn't abiding by the rules, it's going to take longer than you thought.

Perhaps it's time to go for an occupation order after all???

How would he be or what might he say if you politely asked him to leave when he is interrupting you getting ds2 ready?

That is depressing re the mortgage. 😥

I did tell him this morning, his response was that DS2 had approached him. No responsibility for his own behaviour. Pathetic.

I said that he should have sent DS2 back to me, back me up a bit. He just shrugged. I backed off then as 1) I didn't want to get upset 2) I didn't want DS2 to see us arguing over him and 3) I actually had a morning to get on with.

After a while DS2 did come back and stbx mostly stayed away, but not quite.

I would not get an occ order for that behaviour. I will see how it goes.

I think I am accepting the mortgage time frame now. I had been so happy that the end was in sight. It still is, but it is further away - much further away. I allowed myself hope and to imagine a future in my home w/o him.

I've just had to put the walls back up and carry on as I have been, which is basically just looking towards little gaps of respite, however small.

That's ok, you said what you needed to say.

A mortgage is a big thing so you have to look around, it would be very tempting to just take the first one just to push this through, you are very wise to hold off. At least you are now actually able to take action to end this.