The ignoring....gaaaa

[jellybean2000]

That is all.
Yes, I'm divorcing him.
He will continue to stoop to whatever method he can to control, upset and anger me.
Delay, delay, delay.

I've been here for a while but NC a while ago.

He went to work before I even got up this morning. Nice.
Making bloody cheese straws for DS1 at 6am I was.

Walking DS2 to school and he says "Daddy's got a girlfriend".
Oh, that's nice darling. Then he went on to say he had two, so who knows.
The only bit I care about is that my son is spending time with some other woman, but I guess I have to get used to that.

I had one G&T last night and now I have the mother of all headaches. Poor me.

Oh dear you are paying for that G & T, hope your head settles soon, personally I would blame the 6am baking session for the headache! Lol

Two girlfriends? That's probably good as he can spread out his not so precious character traits and will take them longer to figure out exactly what they are getting all whilst you are getting rid of him. Yes, your son is another matter though, it's horrible not knowing who your son is in the company of, most reasonable people would introduce gradually but we know that's not your stbxh. See how it goes, if your son is happy enough and it isn't having an adverse effect on him or isn't being told to lie about it then maybe leave him to it.

I've eaten something and head is getting better.

I wake stupid early anyway, I might as well do something useful!
DS1 said I would be top Mum if he bought in homemade goods for their tutor group breakfast [polishes halo]

These women might just be friends...who knows. I'm sure I'll find out soon enough, it's not a very big village.

Meanwhile I cannot proceed with my mortgage app cos my sol has one of my wage slips. I asked for them back last Friday. I'm away Sunday - Wed with DS1 and DS2 (just the Wed) (hoorah). I guess it was a bit ambitious to think I could get everything together by the end of this week and have the appointment, but I was really eager to grasp onto this positive step.

There's still loads I don't understand about the FRO but I don't feel I can email the sol I complained about. Ahem.

Glad your heads getting better.

Might be worth emailing the solicitor as a reminder re the wage slip in case the message got lost with the solicitor change over. Ask any other questions you have at the same time, maybe it will give her a chance to redeem herself.

I bet she hates my guts!
She did say she would get it sent over. Maybe it's on my door mat as I type.

Car issue tonight.

When will this ever stop?

Can you stop him using your car?

In theory yes. I just need to remove him from the insurance and take his key. In practice I don't have the courage and I feel pretty bad about that. Things are in place in case he kicks off (direct line to police help, threat of injunction), but I don't want to put myself (or expose my children) to that risk.

When he agreed to the financial proposal (a week ago tomorrow) it said that it was assumed he'd then get a car. That isn't legally binding. My sol has instructed his to tell him he needs to get one by the 18th June. Again, not legally binding and he doesn't care.

Maybe I am just a big coward. So many people have told me to just remove him.

Got my wage slips anyway.

Just want this all over with. I'm a mess.

Does he every leaves his keys anywhere that you could take the car key off without having to ask for it?

Or I suppose you could cancel his name off the insurance as you leave to go away which gives him a few days to sort out a car for himself...

It sounds so easy, doesn't it. Why can't I do it then?

Years and years of keeping the peace? I'm still bound to him. You know when I decided earlier NOT to stand up to him and txt'ed him to say he could have the car I felt calm because I'd kept the peace. I wasn't happy that I'd made it easier for him, or the knowing that he's feeling smug cos he 'won' - just knowing that he wouldn't kick off or just have this awful silent stand off with me not knowing what's going on (back to the title of the thread, eh?) and that I'd get peace this evening. That's why I did it.

Does that make any sense or am I just trying to convince myself?

You're the only one who knows how removing his use of the car is going to impact on you and the children. I can understand why it's a step you might not want to take for now if it's going to ramp up his abusive behaviour.

It might be wiser to choose your battles at the moment, but there would be no harm in not putting fuel in the car for his use, perhaps 'forget' to fill it up when he is going to be using it?

Maybe you could ask your Solicitor to make sure his tells him that his insurance on the car will be cancelled on 18th June as he has had ample advance warning to arrange his own transport.

..and you know, I'm just exhausted by the whole bloody thing now.

Along side my full time job, I'm running the family home, looking after 2 children with very different needs, trying to get the divorce going, getting about 5hrs sleep a night if I'm lucky, not eating well, running lots, being ill with the ADs - I'm just worn out with it all.

I'm fed up with being strong. Just want someone to look after me. Don't get me wrong I have some amazing support I really do, but no one can really share this burden with me.

ATM That's exactly what's happening on the 18th and he is being informed. Not sure whether he knows yet.

Just hang on to the thought of waking up in a twat free house one morning in the not too distant future and how you'll feel to be free of it. There is an end to it getting closer every day

One day you will look back at all this and realise how damn strong you really are, I know it doesn't feel like it right now but you are.

Nobody has a crystal ball so can't see what he would have done if you had taken the keys etc., I doubt it would have made him move faster on the divorce. You picked your fights and weighed options up as best you can.

There is now that glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel so you just do whatever seems best for you and your boys to get through it, it's annoying and frustrating and may seem like it's a battle he keeps winning but in the end you will win out.

How's it all going FV45?
I hope all is well and you aren't too stressed.

Had a few days respite away with DS2 but back to the shit now.

Always feels worse after a respite.

Yeah it does

KOKO

Keep strong. I don't have anything to add that would be useful. Sending hugs.

Bad day so far today.

Sorry to hear that, OP. These days seen so long while you're in them. Hope you get some space today.

Hello OP. I have been lurking on your thread and just wanted to tell you how amazing you're being.
I am exhausted just reading your posts I can't imagine how you're managing to get through it all!

I am sure I am not the only one. Stay strong! You're doing so well.

Thank you. I just had to leave my reluctant and sobbing DS2 with stbx in a car park as they head off for a few days together. DS2 didn't want to go.

See it doesn't matter how much he plays super dad etc. DS2 would rather be with you, his constant, the person who parents him and so on.

I really hope the momentum picks up and gives you and the boys some much needed relief.