The ignoring....gaaaa

[jellybean2000]

That is all.
Yes, I'm divorcing him.
He will continue to stoop to whatever method he can to control, upset and anger me.
Delay, delay, delay.

I've been here for a while but NC a while ago.

Speak to the Beavers Leader and tell them that this is a temporary glitch please would they keep his space for September?

Thanks. It's not the Beaver issue so much, it's that he keeps him out (away from me and the home) for so long I barely get a look in.

I need to address this with him, but haven't got the courage.

I did however get the courage to talk to him about leaving DS2 on his own in the locked hotel room. He didn't deny either and then got very defensive and verbally aggressive, saying that he only popped down to the shop and the people knew he was on his own. He then threw it back at me, saying that I leave DS2 with people he doesn't know. I said that the issue wasn't who he left DS with, but that he is left with someone and that DS2 knows who it is and that it's not in a locked room. I told him that DS told me he was scared. End of conversation and hopefully stbx will sort it out.

I need to start talking about splitting the contents of the home. Sigh.
He can have my socks.

Although it was unpleasant and I'm sure scary you did raise the subject of DS2 being left on his own - and you survived. How about writing up a rota as to when DS2 should be at home and try to balance it out, on the basis that you aren't seeing him and also him needing 'chill out time' (has ds2 said he misses this)? If stbx is keeping him out until dinner every evening then it just isn't fair.

I'm not sure what his game is, whether it's just to annoy you, or to seemingly make it appear that your son is being taken away from you in order to punish you or maybe he thinks by doing all of this ds2 will say he wants to live with him. Doing it to piss you off is the best scenario.

We have had rotas for school runs for a few weeks. He has not kept to them, disagreed etc etc basically done what the hell he likes.

Having a rota for evening and other times may lead to the same thing (though the behaviour letter states he should abide by agreements) which will cause me more upset and resentment. Part of me thinks he'll be gone soon so just go with it, but another part of me is getting stronger and just wants to get on with my new life now. I need to be patient.

Sol is on compassionate leave again. Heard from the one who took over last time, and she's sent draft Financial Remedy Order. She's said things which indicate to me that she's not up to speed with my case and what my sol has said, which is rather annoying. I've told her I'm not bloody paying for me to explain things I've already told my own sol (more politely!).

What happens with the draft financial order? Do you approve it and then gets drawn up and sent to his sol for signing? That can't happen soon enough.

Did your mortgage co. give you an idea how long it will take, ie will they need to do a valuation survey on the property?

Yes, the DFO is that. Full of law-speak gobbledeegoop!

It can take up to 6 WEEKS for the money to come through once the mortgage is approved. Sigh. Not sure why it takes so long. Boo hoo.

No I don't know why it should take that long! Any idea how long it will take for them to approve it? Sorry, I think I'm just willing this along!

What a pain your solicitor disappearing at this stage.

The approval won't take long, so he can sign the form soon.

Temp sol said "l'll be in the office between 9 and 3 if you want to phone".

I sent her an email with questions at 8am and an email asking her to call between 10 and midday.

As I type I've heard nothing.

If I was so laissez-faire about time keeping within my job I'd be pulled up on it, and I don't deal with people in stressful situations.

Temp sol called a little while ago and proceeded to patronise and victim blame me.

So angry and upset.

Put in a complaint to the Senior Partner/Practice Manager and ask for your case to be assigned to someone else until your Solicitor is back at work.

Thank you. I will look how to do this.
I did tell her I didn't like what she was saying but was too upset to really call her up on it.

I think she doesn't believe me.

She is not your Solicitor and her opinion on the matter is irrelevant. You are paying them to provide a service, if that service is not to your satisfaction you have every right to complain and ask for her to be replaced until your Solicitor is back

Arrrgghhh I'm sorry you had this experience today, stupid idiot solicitor! Everything is on record and all she needs to do is read it. If you really feel that she is not on board and doesn't understand your situation then I agree you should ask someone else to take the case. Your solicitors, who you are paying, should be there to support and advise you the best they can within the law. Perhaps she hasn't had much experience of family law.

OK so he is not abiding to the agreements re: DS2

Perhaps you could write direct to his solicitor and copy in yours (therefore free to you but not to him)

A factual letter that he has not stuck to the agreement and is making DS2 unavailable to spend any time with you and he is exhausted due to lack of down tim.

We could help you that? This helps leave a further paper trail to his behaviour and that it is abusive to DS2 (at the very least not acting in his best interests)

Perhaps that is then grounds to escalate to a prohibitive steps order/non-molestation order?

Speak to senior manager/practice person and insist that you need someone that understand a divorce due to domestic abuse as clearly the one assigned has no clue.

Just tried to call the client care person. The number in the terms and conditions leads nowhere, so I looked up a different number which just goes to voice mail telling me she's not in the office until Friday.

So now who do I call?

random I already have grounds for a non-mol order. Don't know why I just haven't done it. Months ago.

OK, just sent general email to them (used my work email by accident).

Let's see.

This morning he was meant to leave me be while I got DS2 ready for school (something he has monopolised for weeks). He just could not bugger off.
Of course DS2 wanted to engage with him and instead of just making himself scarce he responded and started playing with him.

He has therefore breached the rules he agreed to.

Pissed off today. GP check up later to see how ADs are settling. Not impressed with them so far. Just making me feel ill.

Bosh! Senior partner called me. Had a good talk in confidence and he is going to follow up with temp sol. It might be that my own one will be back after the bank holiday so it'll be a non-issue.

I should hope so, you are paying them after all! I hope that is now sorted as you shouldn't be feeling like you have to battle to be heard from your solicitor as well.

Yeah....go me!

Was all in a tizwaz prior to GP visit, but he was lovely. Back again in 2 weeks. I guess it's good he's seeing me while this is going on.

Asked stbx to bring DS2 back by 5pm this evening so he has some down time and time to eat before we go to boot camp. We shall see. I hope DS2 wants to come. I will go myself just to get out of the house as evenings are a flash point.

My appetite is really poor at the moment. Fortunately I do get enough respite where I do eat better otherwise I'd be as thin as a pin by now.

If the car is yours outright and he's on the insurance what's to stop him going a step further by landing you with speeding tickets or scratching the paintwork or even deliberately crashing the car just to mess with your head? I know what it's like to live in an abusive relationship, they will stoop as low as possible to try and break you.

Glad you have a nice understanding GP, did he keep you on the same AD's?

Hope stbx has done as requested today, its cold today so if they are at the park I would imagine he has.

Well tbh I don't why you haven't I guess because it is a difficult step to take!

Perhaps you should do as it potentially force him out of the house or at least make him realise that once you have the mortgage approved you will have him removed. I guess just taking back some control...

2nds There's nothing to stop him doing those things.

dobby Yes, he kept me on the same ones. That's fine. They can take about 4 weeks to be effective so unless I start to feel really unwell on them it's best to let them settle before changing anything.

No, he didn't really enable me to do what I wanted, as he kept DS2 out who then didn't want to come to boot camp with me. I had to get out of the house to went by myself (strengthened by the knowledge that this isn't for very much longer) and then went to the pub and had a G&T (with some other people, I'm not taking myself down the boozer to drink on my own!). Just couldn't be bothered going home to more tension and upset.
He is abiding by all the rules apart from the ones to do with DS2, which are the ones which mean the most to me.

random I was all set to do a non-mol order, but sol advised to do the strongly worded letter instead. I wish I had stuck to my guns while I was feeling resolute. It is a difficult step and she did make me feel anxious about the whole process. Non-mol doesn't force him out of the house, that's an occupation order which is much harder to get. He doesn't have to leave until he gets his money....could be a couple of months still.

Hmmm, yes and the ones to do with DS2 are the ones it would be harder for you to successfully take legal action on I guess. More subtle.