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Original poster

The ignoring....gaaaa

1001 replies

jellybean2000 · 25/03/2016 19:24

That is all.
Yes, I'm divorcing him.
He will continue to stoop to whatever method he can to control, upset and anger me.
Delay, delay, delay.

I've been here for a while but NC a while ago.

OP posts:
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8
RandomMess · 20/05/2016 13:45

I really don't know, hence get it thoroughly checked out etc so he cannot delay anything!

I wouldn't trust him to play the "I'm not signing because I don't have anywhere to go yet" card.

FV45 · 20/05/2016 14:07

Yes, this is something I've talked through with my sol.

Akin to the whole "just take his name off the car insurance" solution, it's really not that easy to just change the locks when the house is in my name. Would I really actually throw out the father of my children and the person I've known for 20 years? Well, I couldn't physically, I'd have to call the police or something.

I know I've been far too reasonable through all of this. I could have got an injunction MONTHS ago.

I did just ask the mortgage advisor and she believes there isn't a delay between the two.

I will have to make sure my sol tells his sol this is really happening and he can't just ignore it.

RandomMess · 20/05/2016 14:11

I think you have to be prepared to phone the police.

Presumably he will go to his solicitor to sign over the house and once they witness it they confirm to your solicitor and then you hand the money over via transfer - like buying/selling any house.

What happens if in that moment he refuses to sign? Presumably you would then go to court to force sale of the house (I know judge can then sign on his behalf)

FV45 · 20/05/2016 14:16

I'm always prepared to phone the police. I even have my own one I can ask for at the DV unit (hmmm, nothing to be showing off about!).

I guess if he refuses to sign, having already agreed that he would then yes, it becomes a legal matter.
These are all things I need to talk about with my sol, so thank you. There's no sodding rule book for this, is there. I might write a book actually - except it would out me horribly.

FV45 · 20/05/2016 14:26

One of the chapters of my book will describe my pre-Xmas hysterical trip to Tesco to get Twiglets.
Right in the thick of the abuse then. In fact Tesco probably have quite a bit of me on their CCTV in the last year.

nb they didn't have any Twiglets

Iamdobby63 · 20/05/2016 14:32

I think but not sure that the mortgage company may want to see that the house is solely in your name before releasing the money. Don't they usually ask questions about who over the age of 18 lives there, at the very least I think they would want some sort of release from him.

Personally I don't like 50/50 as I think it must unsettle children, but it must work for some. I would imagine DS1 will just see him as and when, DS2 will need routine. But do be careful on maintenance regarding how often he has them. I just don't trust that he will suddenly find better employment, he has had it too good.

Your work is fairly flexible so you should manage shouldn't you? How he 'helps' will depend on his working hours.

Iamdobby63 · 20/05/2016 14:34

Lol, I feel you. Got to have twiglets at Christmas. I'm thinking more blockbuster film! Who would you want to play you?

RandomMess · 20/05/2016 15:05

Yes I think there is some sort of contract he can sign that he agrees to vacate upon transfer of title - like you do with adult DC when you purchase these days, or a tenanted house etc.

I really hate him on your behalf!!!!

FV45 · 20/05/2016 15:18

The car hire has fallen through. Wankers.

Iamdobby63 · 20/05/2016 16:20

Good job you hadn't said anything to him.

DoreenLethal · 20/05/2016 16:34

There are other car hire firms. When I need to hire a car I do it online and just go collect it.

FV45 · 20/05/2016 16:52

They changed the collection point from just down the road (where a friend was happy to drop us) to the nearest City - 20 miles away. I can't ask my friend to do that.

I live rurally, not many car hire places.

Anyway, STBX says I can have the (MY!) car. Hopefully without conditions (picking him up somewhere on Sunday with his stupid bike) but at least we can go.

Iamdobby63 · 20/05/2016 17:12

Very generous of him! Lol

HoppingForward · 20/05/2016 21:36

Oh goodness, I have spent the afternoon/evening reading the three. How far you have come and how strong you now sound Flowers

I applied for a non mol for not so DH, didn't need it in the end but the mind games are still there even now he has gone. Be prepared for this to continue even when he has finally gone. It's better though and I have more free time to deal with him.

Lots of support from me to you.

FV45 · 21/05/2016 09:11

Right then....off to stay with my sis! Me and DS2.

Yay. Xx

RandomMess · 21/05/2016 09:45

Enjoy!!!!!

HoppingForward · 21/05/2016 11:38

Enjoy your time together Flowers

FV45 · 22/05/2016 21:31

Back from a perfect weekend!

Sao lovely to be with my sis and I didn't unravel as I thought I might.

AND I got 3rd woman in a 5K race!

Things calm at home (he's out on a walk).

Iamdobby63 · 23/05/2016 11:33

So glad you had a good weekend, you deserved it!

I hope this week is peaceful for you. Flowers

FV45 · 23/05/2016 12:42

Thank you.

I have used my bosses blessing ("take as much time as you need") and spent most of the morning using up ALL the ink and ALL the paper in my printer, printing 6 months worth of all things financial for my mortgage application. Of course, if stbx had played ball, I could simply have used all the same docs I prepared for my Form E, but it has taken 5 MONTHS since me completing my Form E to get financial settlement agreed so I have to start all over again.

However, the future is more certain now so at least I feel I'm doing this for a very good reason.

He's only working one day this week so will be around a lot. Boo.
He's not harassing me, but still finds ways to make his point.

hellsbellsmelons · 23/05/2016 15:45

3rd woman!
That's pretty damn good. Well done.
So glad you got to spend time with your DSis and enjoyed it.
Now back to it but you sound much happier (for now)

Iamdobby63 · 23/05/2016 16:12

Must feel nice after all this time to be able to actively do something to push towards this nightmare being over with.

I hope he continues to abide by the terms, (as best he can).

FV45 · 23/05/2016 17:53

Sigh. DS2 has decided he's giving up Beavers. Poor lad doesn't get any downtime. STBX collected him at 3.05 and only just brought him back at 5.45 (he knows it's Beavers). He loves it, but is just too tired trying to keep up with the constant entertainment.

FV45 · 23/05/2016 17:54

I'm furious. This is how STBX is going to get at me now.

Iamdobby63 · 23/05/2016 18:21

Let him miss a couple of weeks and then get him to decide if he is sure he wants to give it up.

It's a tricky one, he probably knows it gets to you. It's certainly not unreasonable to know what time he is bringing him home! Does he pick him up from school every day?

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