The ignoring....gaaaa

[jellybean2000]

That is all.
Yes, I'm divorcing him.
He will continue to stoop to whatever method he can to control, upset and anger me.
Delay, delay, delay.

I've been here for a while but NC a while ago.

re. bursary form

The school emailed him yesterday. He has simply forwarded me the email. He clearly believes the form is my responsibility and is unaware that we are completing separate forms as separated parents.
I've passed it back to the school. I feel pretty bad that they are having to involve themselves in warring parents, but I need to protect myself from him.

Feeling very low today.

I need confirmation from my employer that my contract will be renewed in July. I've had verbal confirmation (it's all very casual in science academia) and have emailed my boss three times. He's fully aware of the situation, but hasn't responded yet. Causing me HUGE stress.

[hang out the bunting]

He has accepted my financial proposal!

He does not accept any of the behaviour issues but has agreed to abide by the conditions.

[sees light at end of tunnel]

Ha! Just read the letter from his sol to mine refuting his behaviour. Bloody bastard. He's also stupid, as I have kept all the abusive txts, voice mails, and have extensive documentation of verbal threats and harassment - 2 police reports, on and on.
Nothing to be gained from arguing about it though as he has agreed to abide by the rules (which surely means he was being unreasonable anyway).
I guess it makes sense that he doesn't believe he's done a thing wrong - that's the little bubble he lives in.

Morning! As for support no thanks is needed.

Fantastic news! That's bloody amazing! Has your solicitor mentioned a time scale now he has agreed? I would think that would mean this could push ahead quite soon, him moving out I mean.

It's horrible to read lies but you are right, there is no point in arguing it back and forth as will only add to your stress and cost you financially. You can prove it if you need to, that's all you need. He has probably spent a long time justifying it all in his head.

The ball is actually in my court (see above for my job woes). Until I have confirmation of my continued employment I cannot proceed.

Arrggghhh - that's so annoying! Is he likely to get irritated if you messaged him again and said you have reached an agreement and need to proceed quickly etc., so it would be extremely beneficial to you if he could organise your contract asap?

On a lighter note, talking of science did you see the reports following the biology GCSE AQA paper? My poor daughter had to sit that, looked a bit shell shocked when I picked her up.

That's the problem I'm having - I don't want to badger him too much in case he thinks I'm more trouble than I'm worth. He's a really nice chap and I've known him for years. The third email was this morning in which I suggest we skype later on (he's on the west coast USA).

I've just looked up the Biology GCSE! OMG...poor kids. I hope your DD has gained comfort in knowing she wasn't alone.

Ah yes, better not in that case then, hopefully he will be up for skype later.

Yes it does help her, I showed her the hilarious you tube video someone posted in the secondary schools section here. I guess the average will be lower this year. As a mum I am feeling a bit frustrated though, my son has just done the awful new KS2 SATS which has really knocked his confidence and now this exam I feel it's almost like they are set up to fail by moving the goal posts.

Glad there is some small progress at least.

I'm really fed up that the government have made double science compulsory, DD was just going to do Biology as she has dyscalculia or something that causes her issues with basic maths. Honestly I could weep!!!

Don't feel bad about deferring back to the school, they need to point out the obvious to him. They are more than aware that he is the problem and he is making it more and more obvious!

[hang out more bunting and add a few helium balloons]

New contract is IN! I burst into tears when it arrived.

It's all pretty overwhelming. Dare I let some hope in?

Absolutely! Let in the hope - by goodness you deserve it!
Well done.

Random, I hope your DD copes ok, just be realistic with her and tell her to simply do her best and then really focus on the subjects that she is stronger in. With some of these changes its like they are trying to make all children think and reason the same and they just don't.

X post.... Yay.. I'm celebrating anyway! That is absolutely fantastic, lets dare hope this now moves forward quickly.

Whoop whoop!!!!

Unfortunately DD doesn't have any subjects she is stronger in

Random, :-( I know a lot of people who were not academics but are very successful in life.

It's just horrible seeing her so miserable and another 4 years of school to go sandwiched between to incredibly academically able siblings.

OP I've just read this whole thread and my heart goes out to you and your kids.

Hang on in there...

Random I'm so sorry your DD is going through such a hard time.
What plans does she have for next year?

Thank you Miss.
Your arrive at a strange time. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel but am still living with him and of course the abuse (or the fear of it) is still there. The tension is palpable.

BUT the ball is in my court now.

... And congratulations on the new contract :-)

More flowers for you...

This really is a huge leap forward. What is the plan of action now? And what has to happen (apart from you writing a cheque) before he moves out? If that question is too personal then just ignore it.

The plan is I collapse in a heap of emotional and physical exhaustion that I get cracking with the mortgage application.
I have been provisionally approved for a sum £10,000 more than I actually need, so I'm confident it will all go through OK.
Once the house is in my name, the financial settlement states that he has to move out. Boom. Hopefully he is already looking for somewhere.

I have said that we cannot discuss residency of the children until we know where he's going to be living. This might prove to be a whole new level of hell, but I can't think about that now.

I have a w/e away with DS2 at my sister's place. I've hired a car so as not to even involve him on any level with the family car. He doesn't know this. It's so nice to know I will completely free this w/e.

I feel shaky and odd.

You are bound to feel shaky and still anxious until it's set in stone. Yes I was wondering if you needed to re-mortgage to buy him out, let's hope that process can go through quickly and he signs what he needs to in a reasonable time scale.

Residency? I do hope he doesn't go for that. I think you are wise to leave that discussion until later. No doubt if you did agree to that he will expect maintenance. If you don't want that then make sure the boys sleep in your home for one more night of the week than they do at his. I really hope he just goes for reasonable access and so long as he still gets to see them often he will be happy.

Still away to go but it's going in the right direction, finally, and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Have a fabulous weekend, I think you did the right thing re the car, not because you should have to but because it does reduce some stress for you.

Please make sure it is water tight that he legally has to go the day the house is in your name and that he cannot delay signing the papers - can you set up a court process to force him to sign - I believe the judge can sign if he refuses to?

I just have visions of him refusing to sign until you give him the money and being stuck!

Yeah for a weekend without his abuse

Is there a time difference between the house being transferred to my name and the money becoming available? nb never done this before.

The settlement that he has agreed to says "Your client is to leave the former matrimonial home upon transfer of the property to our client and his receiving payment of the lump sum."

This isn't the final consent order, she's doing that next week. I shall check with my mortgage advisor.

re: residency - he has asked for 50/50 of DS2, though nothing formally and I didn't agree, only said I couldn't discuss. He has not asked for maintenance. A while ago he told me he had grave concerns about how I was going to care for DS2 and asked me to layout how I was going to planning on doing it. I told him to fuck off I was not accountable to him.
This is the man that takes leave when I am away as he can't manage to care for the boys, run the house and hold down a job.
He says he plans to getting better paid work so I have no idea how he plans to do it. He is going to find that there is more to having DS2 with him than just hanging out playing or going out to eat.