The ignoring....gaaaa

[jellybean2000]

That is all.
Yes, I'm divorcing him.
He will continue to stoop to whatever method he can to control, upset and anger me.
Delay, delay, delay.

I've been here for a while but NC a while ago.

you poor love. No advice, just wanted to say hang in there. It will end... we promise it will end.... big hug to you. You are obviously a very capable woman and yes it is nearly polishing you off as you said, but it won't. I think it's dire what he is doing to you and your child. What a * (so many words I would call him so I'll asterix them and you can fill in your own).

More than 3 months away! Bloody hell.

I did mention considering counselling for the boys before but I have never dealt with SS, hopefully someone who has will see this thread and advise what to expect and whether the boys will truly benefit from it.

You have mentioned the hotel before. I wouldn't be happy about that, he is far too young imo. The law is sketchy though. I believe so long as the child isn't in danger of say a fire then it's up to the parents. Perhaps it's something your solicitor needs to add to a letter before he takes them away.

Just had very frank conversation with DS2 about being left on his own.
Pretty sure he's telling the truth.
Bloody hell.

I take it he confirmed it? And clearly is not asleep, not that it would make a difference. Is this just so he can go out for his walkies?

It's not appropriate at all when he his removing DS2 from you to deny you contact time to then lock him in a hotel room - there is no reason for him to do that other than to deny you and DS2 from spending time together

Yes, he confirmed it and when I asked whether it happened at other times he said yes, it does - Dad just pops down to the shop he told me.

I had always been fine with him taking the boys away. I don't think I am part of the consideration, he just has to go out for his bloody walk.

I have to take this further. I told DS2 I won't let it happen again.

Anyway, had a lovely evening with my boys, then when DS2 was in bed I went for a run and bloody nailed it! Felt fit and strong with a fire in my belly. The last few times since I started the ADs have been hard, so maybe they are settling, or maybe it's becauase the git is away. Feel quite sick now though.

No txts from the git. Maybe he has read the email.

When I spoke to the NSPCC about it they did tell me the law was sketchy, but 7 years old is def. too young to be left alone.

I am a bit anxious about SS and so very worried that me not fleeing with the kids (or at least DS2) in the belief that being in the home was better has been the wrong thing. I hope that they will appreciate that EA situations are very complex.

I am still accepting so many behaviours as EA. It was such a shock when she said that an injuction would certainly be granted. That's not something my solicitor gave me confidence about - one reason I have been reluctant to proceed.

I would tread carefully re the injunction in that case until we can try to work out who would have more experience, your solicitor or the counsellor. Ask your solicitor what would the law require for an injunction case to be granted.

So he doesn't leave DS1 to look after his younger brother when they are away? Does he only take DS2?

No one can say if it has been the right thing to stay in the home or vice versa, you made a decision that you felt was in your sons best interests, can't do more than that. I think I would have felt the same given your eldest is currently taking his exams.

But, it's definitely not in your best interests to stay in the home whilst he is there. It's all a balance, to move them you disrupt them but to stay they witness their fathers antics and their mums angst. I guess if this is to go on any length of time you have to pick what appears to be lesser of two evils.

I seem to remember you saying you are not sure if your eldest would move out of his home... For me, that would be a major factor in decision making.

And then the finances are another matter! Not like stbx is going to put his hand in his pocket.

I am hoping I won't need an injunction. If he reads and abides by the email it shouldn't be necessary.
My solicitor has said I have grounds for a non-mol, though she didn't say for definite like the counsellor did.
Occ-order is less clear because it's much more of a big deal to make someone leave their home.

When he goes away with both boys, yes he leaves DS2 in the care of DS1 a great deal. DS1 tends not to go away with stbx now.

We are waiting to hear stbx's response to the financial proposal. If he accepts then there will be light at the end of the tunnel. He had 14 working days from last Friday - which takes us to 1st June. Sigh.

He just doesn't care. DS1's bursary renewal forms were due on the 16th. I got mine in. He did nothing (the letter is sitting next to the toaster). The school have been great. She asked whether I could ask him about it, or whether that would make things worse for me.
I think it's not that it would make it worse for me, but that he would either ignore me or snap at me. So, I told the bursar it would be better if she contacted him. It's great to have that burden off my shoulders - it was like getting blood out of a stone when I made the initial application nearly 2 years ago. This is his son's education!

Yes, much better coming from the school.

Let's hope he abides by the email, sad thing is that if he does manage that then it proves that he can help himself and that his actions are deliberate.

Can't hold out too much hope that he will respond to the financial proposal if he can't be bothered to deal with an important aspect of his sons education.

I just hope that if there is a gf that she really wants him to move in asap.

Feeling really low about his impending return.
He's going to hate me even more and the tension in the house will be awful.

It doesn't feel like a victory that it looks like he's read the email and abiding by it, just a way to protect myself in the upcoming weeks (months?) before he moves out.

I am aware that I always feel very low after a respite, but am not sure how to deal with it. Perhaps the ADs will help with that when they actually stop making me feel ill and start making me feel better.

Though I guess if he'd have freaked out that would have been worse.

Hmmm, bad or really bad....that's how it it.

Has he always been this cruel/much of an arse?

Given what you are going through its not surprising that your anxiety will be heightened after respite.

Don't know how long he thinks he can string this out for! So cruel, selfish and unecessary.

I think after respite yes it's going to feel really awful it's just the way it is

KoKo

He's back

And I'm crumbling already.
He's whisked DS2 away, being all happy fun giggly daddy.

Whisked him away? Where to?

Just to the park. I collected DS from tennis, home at 4.30, 10 mins later after STBX just being in his face (anything to eat? Sure? Anything to drink? Sure?, want to go to park? Oh go on) DS said no to everything....he just wants some down time.

So off they've gone in the rain, while I cook dinner, collect DS1 (remember I've been at work today, he hadn't).

In the rain? Your husband seems to like the outside, perhaps he could just go live under a bridge.

Hard to watch but just suck it up at least he is not being mean. As you said 'bad' is about as good as it gets right now. But it will get better, this will end.

Been to Boot Camp.
Home now and can't stop crying. Feeling really, really low.

I wish I could come and give you a hug

I called Samaritans again. They are very good at just listening.

I then went up to see DS2 (it must have been glaringly obvious to STBX that I'd been crying a lot) to tuck him in and he asked me to stay so he could tell me about his day. I snuggled in with him for a bit.

That's good that you phoned them.

Also see - DS2 wants to keep you close despite twunt face efforts. Your DS2 is probably very aware of what is going on but can't stand up to his Dad, he is probably looking forward to him moving out so he cannot be used as a pawn in the same way anymore

KOKO

Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry. Good for you reaching out to the Samaritans, at least you can just get it off your chest.

I wouldn't give a flying whatever if he could see you had been crying.

I'm sure a snuggle was just what you needed, that's so sweet.

Hoping tomorrow is better for you.

random and dobby I obv have no idea who you are, but thank you.
Your continued support is very much appreciated.