The ignoring....gaaaa

[jellybean2000]

That is all.
Yes, I'm divorcing him.
He will continue to stoop to whatever method he can to control, upset and anger me.
Delay, delay, delay.

I've been here for a while but NC a while ago.

Let me list how I get to where you should be.

1. Press green phone icon

1. Press voicemail icon over the far right at the bottom of the screen

1. List of voice mails show, select one of them and I can then see the box with the arrow and I can play back, delete etc.

I don't get a list of messages, it just calls up the voicemail. Bloody thing!

That's weird, maybe we have different iOS thingys. Good job you have someone who can hopefully do it for you.

Hope your Sunday has been ok.

9.3.1

Same. Weird.

Been on apple and EE chat and apparently EE had to set up my voice messaging in a certain way. Seems odd that this isn't default. All sorted out now.

Am feeling sick to my stomach (ADs not helping with that).

Didn't even broach issue of who would take DS2 to school - lost my fight, but also know that he'll get the behaviour email today. Am SO anxious about that. It was NOT meant to arrive today, but last week when I was not at home. He's not working today. I need to know when he's got it. The solicitors are really not clued up to how this needs to work for me.

My sol says she can't get involved in how his sol communicates with me ie I can't know when he's read the email. Great.
I suppose if the behaviour continues I get an injunction.

It probably wouldn't help anyway because even if his sol has sent it to him you still won't know if he has actually opened it.

Glad you sorted your phone out, and yes any trouble don't hesitate to take action.

How was your day?

Thank you for asking.
Mixed. I still don't know whether he's got the email or indeed whether he's read it. My sol says all we can do is assume it has been sent to him, that she'll let me know when she hears from his sol and that she hopes this is acceptible.

It's not. So, if his behaviour continues (no sign of any change yet) how can I know whether he's breaching the conditions or that he just hasn't read them? This was meant to give him a chance to change his behaviour before going down the more serious injunction route.

He can just come back and say.."well, I didn't get the email" or "I didn't have a chance to read it". It seems that every time I try and stand up to him, it back fires.

I have told my sol this. What a waste of time, money and my emotional energy. It has taken me a lot of courage to get that email sent. I guess he'll read it at some point, but it is now over a week that I bit the bullet to do this. It's no wonder women take their own lives. I am educated, have money, resources, support to help me through this and still it's nearly finishing me off.

All sorts of the usual crap in the evening. Took myself off for a run and a cry. Don't know how I can put up with this for weeks and weeks. Thought about taking mysel off for a few days, but there are very few stretches of days coming up where DS1 doesn't need me. I cannot rely on stbx to look after his needs (exams, school, doing his laundry, getting good food into him) and I am much closer to DS1 than stbx.

BUT the git is going to a concert tomorrow night and staying out! Hoorah!

Have been wondering whether the head and DS2's class teacher think stbx is an awesome Dad doing all the school runs when actually I'm just not "allowed" or have given up the fight. I shouldn't care, but I do.

Well he either hasn't read it or is breaching it.

One of the terms was that when he goes on his evening waders, he just lets me know when he'll be back. He went for a walk at 8pm - still not back. I do not give a flying fig where he is or who he's with, I just want to know how much respite I get before he comes back.

No reply to my two txts. Thing is...I can't get an injuction out on him for that, can I?
You pile all those things up though and it just squashes you.

An example of why these sorts of letters should be sent recorded delivery! As you say he could easily ignore it and therefore you have no proof that he had seen it. I guess if his behaviour continues then your solicitor can either advise you that she will write again or go straight ahead with an injunction.

Your solicitor can be as sympathetic as anything towards your plight but she can only work within the law, to a degree her hands are tied as well.

Bloody brilliant he is out tomorrow night! Hope he is with his gf. Plan something nice, a treat, for you and the boys.

When will you hear a court date?

Don't worry about what anybody else thinks but they could just as easily think he is a lazy sod who should be at work.

Just a thought and I hate to put it in your head but do you think there is any other reason he is doing all the school runs?

Does it vary how long he is out for? Unfortunately that is something he can use to play his sick games, ie say two hours but comes back after an hour. I know it's frustrating, sickening and stressful but I think you may have to let that one go.

It always used to be an hour, now it can be much, much longer, I presume because he's at someone's house.
I need to lock the house if he's not coming back at all.

Yes, I understand my sol's hands are tied, I'm cross that i didn't think it through better. Even if it had been registered post, he still wouldn't have to open it.

I don't know when we hear about court date. I'm sure she's explained it to me, I just haven't taken it in.

What do you mean, another reason for doing school run?

DS1 is on study leave tomorrow as he has maths AS on Wednesday, so we won't be doing anything too funky. I could do a roast dinner though - didn't have time to cook it at the weekend.

2am waking - that's a new one.....sigh.

Heart sunk when I saw you were posting at 2am. :-(

I'm pretty sure that if he had signed for a letter but hadn't opened it then it would be his tough luck, I don't think that excuse would wash in court.

Re the school run (and 'buying' the children) is there any chance he is manipulating you because he wants to show (we know it's pretend) that he is their main care giver? Could it be a ploy to have residency of the children so you can keep him in the manner of which he has become accustomed?

I hate asking that because I know how stressed you are and I don't want you worrying further but it's important and if there is any chance then it's better to be forewarned.

Hopefully the 2am wake up is a one off. Nodded off at 4am.

Oh I see, yes I have thought about him claiming that he does all the school runs so can't possibly hold down a job or something. I'm not worried about that. It's a recent thing and there will be plenty of people to vouch for that.

He used to hate doing pick up, so I'd do it and not be able to let DS2 play at the park because I was working. I'd bring him home and stbx would take over, but it wasn't the same for DS2 - he wanted to stay at the park with his pals straight after school.
I can easily be flexible with my work, but the disruption was a pain, not to mention the lack of him respecting my work.

Yes I hope the 2am waking was a one off.

I'm glad you had considered that already. Forewarned is forearmed.

Hope you have a super relaxed time whilst he is away, a roast would be lovely for you and your boys to share.

Response from my sol.
If his behaviour continues then we take the date the letter was sent to him as the date I attempted to give him notice. It's his choice whether to read it or not.

Anyway, he's GONE until tomorrow evening.
DS1 revising, DS2 at school and very excited cos they start swimming today (they have their own outdoor pool).
I am expecting a call from the counselling people. An initial assessment. We'll see. I called them cos my GP suggested they might help and it seemed fair to at least try. I am not sure whether I've got the energy to go through it all though.

I shall try and do some good work today. Feel a weight lifted from my shoulders already.

Ah that's reassuring news from the solicitor.

Hope you have a lovely break.

Counselling people called. Lovely woman.
Well, they can't really help me - the solution is to get stbx out of the home. I know that, and only really contacted them because my GP said I should and I didn't want it to look like I was resisting help.

But she's consulting with her manager. She did say that social services might need to get involved, but was reassuring as to what that might mean.

I guess the fact that I'm otherwise OK is reassuring. She said that with only 5% of what I told her I have grounds for a non-mol order. That opened my eyes.

Oh dear...it's nearly midday....

Yes, you get your stbx out and you wouldn't need counselling or AD's.

So what did she say it would mean to get SS involved? In what capacity?

That 5% is an eye opener indeed, that will give you the confidence if he doesn't stop his antics (polite word) to instruct the go ahead to your solicitor.

I think just go ahead with non-mol personally. The way he is treating your DS2 is awful and you can presumably include that he is interfering with you have long standing interaction with your DS2 through refusing to let you do the school run despite having done it for years previously.

SS involvement is because of how DS2 has been affected going into school, stbx using him as pawn (though I imagine that's his word against mine) and how he and DS1 have been exposed to the abuse They may need to reassure themselves that they are being protected.

I also have an issue (not sure whether I've mentioned already) of me not being sure whether stbx has been leaving DS2 in locked hotel room when they go away. I called NSPCC about that.

Court date has arrived. Over 3 months away, on our wedding anniversary no less. How poignant and sad.