The ignoring....gaaaa

[jellybean2000]

That is all.
Yes, I'm divorcing him.
He will continue to stoop to whatever method he can to control, upset and anger me.
Delay, delay, delay.

I've been here for a while but NC a while ago.

Sorry you've had such a shitty start to your day. Just been watching an item on the news about domestic violence and abuse, it's so bloody infuriating and upsetting.

How dare one other individual be doing this to you. Gather up your tears and turn them into indignant anger against this pathetic man. F**k him, he's such a waste of space.

Can you buy a huge bar of chocolate, or a cake as big as your head from Tesco, and have a good old munch in the car ?!!

Hoping the day gets better for you x

If I could reach through the screen and give you a big ((((HUG)))) I would.
Cry - get it out.
for you too.

Thank you. I timed my return from Tesco so that's he'd be on the school run, so I could do my jobs in the house (since he does nothing).

I've done that and am now safe in my garden office, feeling utterly drained.

Walked round Tesco in a teary daze with my sunglasses on looking like a twat
The "put your item in the bagging area" error of the self-service check out nearly finished me off, especially as the helper was having a little chat to her friend.

nice I have lost my appetite. Always been slim but have lost too much weight. Luckily my running keeps me toned otherwise I'd look scrawny (I'm 45).

Took the first AD this morning.

amar tried YWCA or Salvation Army for what?
There's no way I'm going to try and find a flat. I can't afford it, I don't have the energy (finding one, deposit, references, setting it up etc etc..not trivial) and I can't just take the kids (DS1 probably wouldn't come anyway).

random Our house isn't big enough to have anyone come and stay. There isn't the room for the 4 of us, never mind anyone else.

dobby no I meant my friends for support.

He'll go out soon on his bike. He will be back (probably) for about 3hrs before going to work. I might just have to take off myself then.

That's really shitty re your friends, they had better hope they are never in your position.

Has he received the email, is that why he is particularly cruel today?

No, it's fine with my friends. One is ill! She needs to look after herself. The other I have accepted she has her own concerns and was investing a great deal in me.
It just made me realise how dependent I've become on them and that's not fair of me.

No, the email has not even been sent yet. I sent amendments to my solicitor Tues night, she was out of the office yesterday and I should hear from her today.

I appear to be getting horrid side-effects from the AD already - only 3hrs in.
Feel sick, sweaty hands, headache, shaky. Haven't felt like this with the anxiety and it's awful.

Ah I see, I take it back re your friends, that's fair enough.

I would be quite surprised if you have side effects this quickly, could it be the result of a particlarly bad start to the day?

I agree with Iamdobby, would be very surprised if you were experiencing side effects just yet. I think after the morning you've had it's no wonder you have those feelings. Not saying though that you don't need to keep an eye on how you feel now that you've started them.

As for the appetite thing, I totally get that, and was conscious as I was typing that eating was probably the last thing on your mind. During the split from my ex I lost about 1.5 stones pretty quickly. I've gone the other way now. Some comfort eating, and when I cook for myself when the children are with him some very creative lazy dinners. Fish finger sandwich anyone ?!

On the MH board (something for everyone on MN!) they say side effects can kick in quickly, but should only last a few days. I was thinking it would be weeks, but the weeks is how long it can take for them to start helping. They will hold my hand.

I should have eaten something before taking it as well.

I can't really lose any more weight, I am nearly underweight already and people have noticed (in a caring way). Because of my running and my fear of injury I have been really trying to look after myself. I have generally been the same weight all my adult life so I know it will bounce back but it is a clear sign that all is not well (not that I needed a sign, but I guess a warning to me that this had taken its toll...bloody bastard).

Glad you've got some support from the MH board.

Like you say, loss of appetite is a real barometer of your feelings. I remember that constant lump in my throat, churning stomach and feeling slightly sick much of the time. Good to see you know you'll bounce back.

Hope your afternoon was less stressful than your morning, though I know it won't have been easy.

Furious, upset, let down by solicitor not contacting me today.
I emailed in the afternoon as a reminder.
She gave me her word,

Will email strongly worded letter later. Could so w/o this.

Feeling physically a bit better.

That's all you need! Sorry your solicitor let you down today.

Glad you are feeling a little better physically.

I know it's hard but try eating a little something but often, even if it's only a plain biscuit.

Emailed stroppy letter.

Hope your letter does the job, as you say, just what you didn't need today - or any day !

Thank you. She is the only person to have read my diary of misery. She knows what's going on and how very anxious I get waiting for contact from her.
Even if it was just a note from her assistant saying she's been called away, that would at least keep me informed.
It's an odd relatiosnhip. I've told her so much, yet she really doesn't know me at all.

I have eaten a reasonable dinner (tacos in the garden with the boys) but feel quite sick, dry mouthed and headachey now.

I also need to find out whether stbx has been leaving DS2 (who is only 7) alone at night both at home and worse, in a hotel room when they go away. DS2 has alluded to the fact, but I have to be very careful what I ask. I just called the hotel and they say they can't see who's going in and out once they have their key, so they couldn't help.
His evening walk is part of his obsessive behaviour. He called me back from a book club night so he could go out, he made me late for collecting DS1 because I was at a friend's (for support) when he wanted to go out, so went when I got back thus making me late. Despite me telling him when me and DS1 would be back last Saturday (late, midnight or so, said), he then txt to ask for confirmation - I suspect so he could be sure we wouldn't return while he was out.

Do you think if you explained that to her assistant, that the assistant would be prepared to text/email/call you if she could see the solicitor wasn't going to be able to respond as agreed ?

Well I could, but really??? This is Family Law - often stressful and she's been my solicitor nearly a year - she and her assistant have both received both emails and phone calls where I've been in tears of frustration becauase I was told they would e.g. phone at 10am...and haven't.

Surely, if you've agreed to do something and then can't, you let your client know - I shouldn't be telling them to do that. I would be patronising of me, wouldn't it?

Anyway, she's just sent me draft financial proposal for my final approval. Can't open it on this lap top (family one, can't risk it) so will have to read it on tiny phone screen.

Yes, in light of what you've outlined it would seem unnecessary for you to have to remind them how important honouring their commitments is. Glad the stroppy letter worked. As they say, the squeakiest wheel is always oiled first !

So the scary letter also came in about 11.30pm.
I've just gone through them now, made a couple of amendments and given approval for her to send.

He will probably receive the scary letter today via email. He doesn't log in that often so I don't know when he'll read it. I will probably realise though.

Am very worried.

Will the financial proposal and the scary letter be sent to him at the same time? Might be a good thing.....

How are you feeling today?

Keep your phone fully charged and one hint of aggressive or violent behaviour and get onto the police.

I have come to campus to work today - among my geeky friends/colleagues. No phone signal here.

Very good for me until I remember the emails.
Yes, both of them to be sent together.
I've let my neighbour know. She's a good egg.

I am feeling odd with the ADs, but not as bad as yesterday.

Oh lovely you will get through this! And one day will be free.

Well, this was not thought through.
I don't know whether his solicitor sent the emails to him. My solicitor tried to find out but failed.
So the mails might be in his inbox and he may or may have not read them.

No change in his behaviour - txt demands, aggressively worded notes, taken DS2 out again, saying they'll be back at 8. Bet they won't.

My solicitor should have spoken to his and asked his solicitor to call STBX.

So now I'm really worried.

Poor, poor you. That man is so sick and twisted.

KOKO

He took DS2 out AGAIN. Back at 8 he said. Still not back.

Hardly seen my boy this week. So sad.