The ignoring....gaaaa

[jellybean2000]

That is all.
Yes, I'm divorcing him.
He will continue to stoop to whatever method he can to control, upset and anger me.
Delay, delay, delay.

I've been here for a while but NC a while ago.

I just feel so frustrated for you. he seems to take him to the shop a lot, is he buying sweets/treats?

I'm glad you and your son have the support from the school, you must take some comfort that they are keeping a closer eye on him, I'm sure if there was anything that concerned them they would contact you.

Re the car and the weekend, you knew he would but he is going to have to accept it.

Sweets in the evening, football stickers/cards in the morning.
DS2 had been so responsive to the dentist saying he should only have sweets Fri and Sat, but stbx just went ahead and undermined him. I'm no sweet fascist, he gets plenty but every day? I have had to drop the food issues - I can't fight him.

Yes, it's a lovely school. My older son is 17 and went there so I know the school and many of the staff well.

Very anxious about the car that w/e.

How annoying. Obviously there was a reason the dentist had the conversation with you son. If it's any consolation I had an issue with my DH, the dentist had told my DS not to drink water or rinse after brushing his teeth and every night when DH went up for lights out he gave DS a drink of water. Sometimes they just don't get it. Your case is different though as clearly he is buying your son, he must be very insecure in his relationship with him.

Yes I'm afraid you are going to be very anxious re the car until you are driving down the road. I take it he knows the children are going with you so he may give you a hard time but hopefully he won't do anything to actually disrupt it. Do you each have separate car keys?

I know you old twat face what HD said, I just wondered if he would directly challenge what the HD suggested. Would he realise that going directly against what an outsider said would not show him in a good light?

TBH he is being abusive to your DS so I would recommend you very much keep the school in the loop with your concerns.

Hugs

random are you calling me a twat face?

Sorry, but some of your posts are quite hard to understand, sorry if I've misunderstood.

No, absolutely not!!!

That should be "I know you told twat face". Your STBXH is the only horrid abusive person on this thread (so far).

You are doing very well in very difficult circumstances; I'm not sure if you are aware of just how abusive he is being to your DS2 though (through years of having to tolerate it). What he is doing is pretty horrific [angry

random thank you for clarifying!

It breaks my heart to see how he's using DS2. I have the draft of the scary letter from my solicitor. It needs some amendments (which is how I will be spending my Tuesday evening) and will be emailed to him probably tomorrow. Some of the behaviours will stop, others won't.

Out financial proposal as well.

He took DS2 out to the pub for dinner again this evening. Taxis both ways, not a particularly late night, but still...I would have liked to have seen him, he didn't check with me.

But I went to running club for the first time in many weeks and ran up and down hills until my eye balls fell out of my head.

Feeling very anxious today.

Sent amendments to solicitor (plus some additional drama this morning). He will soon receive the very stern email. He won't like it. He told me off for removing his washing from the machine so I could do mine and the boys'. In fact he stopped the machine and put his in, I don't know at what stage of the cycle. I told him I wasn't doing his laundry, he said not to touch his stuff. Back and forth. And the irony is the 'his' stuff includes MY socks that he stole.

He's also used my baking sugar for his coffee. Buy your own you bastard.

Seeing the GP today. Have written how I'm feeling and will just hand him that. I only open up to a few people (and a bunch of strangers on the internet!) so know I would struggle to be open with him. Too used to hiding emotions and carrying on.

No advice still, but continuing to send hugs x

Arrgghhh so he just had his stuff just sitting in the washing machine but hadn't put it on?

If he kicks off you know what to do, and don't hesitate.

You know he is an unreasonable bastard so having one rule for him and another for you is not surprising but still infuriating.

Hope the GP goes well, don't worry about breaking down any of us who have been through similar have done so.

Yes, not much stuff, but I don't want to bloody wash it. I've hung the rest out and left his washed stuff in the machine.

I do feel we are both walking a knife edge.

GP was good. Just showed him my doc on my phone and he got it. I didn't need to say much, he did the talking. So now I'm going to start ADs. There's no shame but I do feel sad I've ended up on this route. I'm nervous of side effects and that they may take 4 weeks to start working.

Anyway, he's gone out now so I am going to reset my day with coffee and do something other than be sad.

It is sad you have had to go the AD's route but will hopefully only be for the short term.

I hope you closed the washing machine door so his stuff can get nice and smelly.

He can get off the knife edge if he so chose to, that's the most annoying part of it.

Please don't feel bad for going the AD route. You don't have to be on them forever and if it helps to lessen your anxiety it can only be a good thing. Still not posting anything constructive here, sorry for that.
Really he is being such an asshat, he makes me so angry Wishing you strength and calm my dear.

Thank you ting, just being nice to me helps.

I was feeling very positive after the GP visit, but now I feel very low and shaky.

He did another load of washing (his washing, didn't put the bed linen I'd just stripped off DS2's bed) so 1) I don't know why he was getting so snarky about his other stuff and 2) the first stuff has been washed twice now, which is ironic since his bed linen hasn't been washed for months.

I am losing courage in sending the scary letter to him. What if I just make it worse?

Then you probably will have what you need to get an occupation order!

Presumably the finances are there for you to buy him out?

I guess so.

The finances are not officially in place, but I have been provisionally approved. Hard to get a mortgage approved when you don't know exactly how much you want to borrow (due to stbx not even acknowledging that I can buy him out).

I know the letter is scary but I don't know what else you can do.

Falling apart here.
My two main support people are not available (one has backed off, the other is ill).
Just called Samaritans for someone to talk to. Feel a bit more calm but so so sad. Terrified that if the ADs make me feel worse before I feel better I won't cope.

Have you got any family or friends that would come and visit for a few days? Give you some "protection"

Oh honey. :-(

Do you mean support people to do with work?

No one can give you guarantees with the AD's but I would imagine the GP has put you on a fairly low dose to start you off, if by chance they don't suit you then you can change to some different ones.

Is it particularly bad today because you were anxious about the letter?

Hugs

What I mean is that you are not stuck on those AD's.

Not sure if you have tried the YWCA or the Salvation Army? I respect and support both these organisations ,altho i am not religious and they do not make religion a prerequisite for helping people. It is too much to expect individuals to be able to support another person who is going thru long term stress and EA IMO. They reach the end of their ability to do so as they too have problems and also they do not feel qualified. It's not personal so do not blame yourself-blame the bastard who is creating this hell. It wd be easier to sidestep this problem re buying the house you are living in and look for another one that you cd buy without dealing with him at all, even if it means you get a flat rather than a house. Is that possible? It might help to get yourself involved in a new project rather than continue banging your head of a brick wall, trying to get him to cooperate -as he clearly never will until it suits him.Also it wd deprive him of the satisfaction of holding back your plans.

Hang on in there. I've been following your thread, and your stamina and courage are awesome. I know you're scared about his reaction to the email, but it's another step along the road to the beginning of the end.

You can do this, and you can see it through.

His cruelty started as soon as he got up.
I've dropped DS1 at bus stop and am now sitting in tesco car park sobbing.

I wish I could help.

They say that when you are going through hell, keep going. That letter may be scary, but it's a step in protecting not only you but also your kids seeing this.

hugs x