The ignoring....gaaaa

[jellybean2000]

That is all.
Yes, I'm divorcing him.
He will continue to stoop to whatever method he can to control, upset and anger me.
Delay, delay, delay.

I've been here for a while but NC a while ago.

It really us up to you.

He knows you want to spend time with DS2 that is why he monopolises him as much as possible to hurt/control/punish you.

STBX solicitor probably did, I think it's a way of him trying to delay the divorce/being put out of the house.

Can you speak to WA again and ask them for advice? I have no idea if you can go to court to force sale of the house and then you buy it yourself?

Sale will only happen if we both agree. I don't. I can buy him out. The kids live here and always have.

He knows it's not going to happen.

I mean in his head he knows it won't happen, he is yet to hear it from me or solicitor.

Anyway he's fine until much later!

No advice, just sending hugs

*gone

He is not fine.

Yep but he's managing to prolong it all, mess with your head, upset you - everything possible to cause you as much pain as possible.

Oh I see. Court date for financial settlement should come through any day. 14 working days since we applied to Court was last Friday.

There is a limit to how long he can delay.

The fun has started here.

Woke to find some of my personal possessions piled on the stairs because they were not in the 'right' place in the house. That was a flag that there was going to be trouble.

Over the w/e we agreed days we would each walk DS2 to school. Today is my day.
He said he would like to walk him. I said we should stick to what we planned. He said I'd changed the plans last week. This is true, but it was on the back of DS2 being so unsettled and breaking the pattern by me taking him and we had discussed it. He wasn't having any of that. I didn't want to row in front of DS2 I actually wanted to throw a chair at stbx so left the room in tears.

Have emailed solicitor to go ahead with non-mol order. w/o something in place and him giving no indication of moving out I can see this escalating.

So, that's today ruined then.

It's only ruined if you let it be ruined.
Don't let him win. Stick your nose in the air and try and show him that you don't care.
He knows that doing this upsets you, so what's he going to do, he's going to keep doing it, UNLESS you start showing him that it's not working, whatever, you don't care. It's no longer a game or fun if the other person stops playing.
Deep breath, find a way to make today great, not ruined.

Sorry, I don't know how to pretend I am not upset when he's using my son to rip out my heart. I am human, I am already pretty low and drained (not sleeping, not eating).

Don't make me feel that I'm allowing him to win because I am not strong enough to hide my emotions, that just makes me feel worse.

And next time he decides he's taking your dc to school when it's your turn, just say ' oh that works better for me anyway, I've got a conference call ( or whatever) that I was going to struggle to get back for.
It'll annoy the hell out of him that taking dc to school s actually helping you out.

...and what I mean by ruined is that I was determined to get lots of work done and block out what's going on. I have already failed in doing that (hard to work through tears...no?). I can't even go in the house (I am in the Garden Office) to get a tissue cos he's in there.

Does he or your son see that you are crying?

Hindsight is wonderful but saying 'actually I didn't choose to change the rota last week - our son did' - but I guess he would then use that in some way against you or to mess you around. You are in a no win situation at the moment and can only take it day by day.

Everything stbx is doing is because he feels powerless and so is reducing your power by conrolling and interfering in your day. The more he does shows the weaker he is.

Has his solicitor indicated how much more he wants than what you have offered?

Yes, they see me crying. My sons less than stbx. We have a small house and there are times when I just can't stop the tears. I am seeing my GP on Wednesday. I do most of my crying in the car - I'm not safe and I need to sort it out.

I did tell him that the reason we had changed it last week was because the head teacher had said we needed to stop the pattern of behaviour and me walking him in seemed to do that. You can't negotiate with him. His way is right. That's one of the reasons we're divorcing.

I know why he's doing it, but since I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet I know it's going to get worse - it's all very well understanding why he's doing it, but I still have to live with it. I never know what he'll spring upon me next.

I'm pissed off with the financial negotiations. It's not clear to me where the line is between the solicitors advising what's best and them doing what we ask. I have asked, but it's all been complicated with mine being on leave. Just seems like we're wasting time and money...and my health.

Anyway, I've done bugger all work, but I have booked our flights for our holiday ignores solicitor and credit card bills and booked a (running) race.

No one start work before 11am on a Monday, right?

It's good you are seeing your GP - just a shame that you probably only have to because this is going on far too long.

My understanding is that solicitors will advise regarding finances based on information provided and the law, however, if someone asks for the moon and instructs solicitors to pass that on then they will. Your solicitor should have given you an idea how much, by law, he would most likely be entitled to.

Seems like you are going to end up fighting it out in court, which is a shame. Maybe at the 11th hour he will not go to court and will agree to a settlement. Here's hoping anyway.

I know it's difficult as you are always on tenterhooks and never know what new thing he will come up with to cause you emotional pain and inconvenience, it will end but you just need to stay sane long enough.

He really is a shit but one day he won't be your problem any more.

Stern (very stern) letter being sent to his solicitor listing all the things he's got to stop doing otherwise I'll apply for an injunction.

I'll see the draft tomorrow before it's sent. I'm feeling scared but empowered. He will find other ways to torment me.

Court date will be in another 2 month (why is everything is the world of law SO slow!), so hopefully we will reach financial agreement before then.

What actually happens with an injunction if you are living in the same house, would he have to move out?

The courts probably take so long to encourage people to settle out of court.

Any chance dickhead would listen to the HT of the school?

Hugs & .

random the HD (quite rightly) is not getting involved in warring parents.
She knows what's going on, but (as far as I know) only knows my side of the story.
If something legal is put in place then I will inform her and then she will ensure things run as they should, but really her only concern is the welfare of DS2.

lam There are 2 sorts of injunction, non-molestation order which stops him harassing and threatening me, instructs him clearly on what he can and cannot do etc. Then there is an occupation order, which is more serious and would remove him from the home. I do probably have grounds for both, but I haven't had the courage to take that step. I am sure I will look back and wonder why, but while I am still living with daily EA I'm just doing what I need to do to keep my sanity.

If we had a larger house a non-mol order could e.g. tell him not to be in certain rooms when I am in there.

The letter he will be sent (gulp) will be non-mol in words, but won't be legally binding. It will have the threat of that though. This is a cheaper, quicker way, and gives him a chance to change his behaviour.

lam you are right about solicitors etc. From what I understand his solicitor has barely had any communication from him, so I don't think was in a position to tell him he was being a twat in suggesting selling the home, just following his instruction.

I had a very good talk with mine today and have felt much better this evening. Went for a run, boys both fine, the git is working.

Tomorrow won't be good as he's not working.

Don't expect HD to get involved more to try and get twat onside about DS2 having issues about coming to school and breaking the habit... merely emphasising to twat that the school is concerned about DS2 welfare IYSWIM!

I did tell him it's what the HD had suggested because she'd seen that me taking him in broke the pattern. On the 3rd day of him 'having tummy ache' and coming home I called her and she said she was glad I called - she hadn't missed what was going on.

He just doesn't care. This is the man who is happy for my friends and neighbours to help with childcare/transport issue when he's out on his bike, or has said he needs the car but then been back anyway. My friends understand, but I've felt awful a couple of times when someone has offered to collect DS1 from a 6th form event ie important, because I believed I didn't have the car, and then they drop him off and the car's parked outside.

Oh the games.
Txt last night: who is taking DS2 to school?

He has coerced DS2 into telling me that "Daddy's taking me" last week, walked all over what we agreed yesterday, seen how upset it's made me and then this? I didn't reply.
What does he want? For me to say "me" and then play his sick game again?

The moment has passed now. Who did take him to school?

Trying to keep your sanity is all you can do right now.

I know this is an extremely sensitive question but it's well meaning. Given his age and character you feel your son is actually aware of the emotional blackmail? What I mean is do you think he gives in to his Dad to try not to cause any more upset? If you feel that is the case then it might be helpful if he has someone to talk to in confidence, whether it's a therapist or a favourite teacher at school.

I just hope that soon your stbx gets bored, agrees a settlement and buggers off!

I replied 'me'. I came to work then they started to leave at 8am (way too early). Asked what was going on. He denied seeing my txt (bollocks). They went to the shop and then came back and I walked him - not w/o conditions (Daddy said I could have 5 more mins at home). That's fine in itself, but it's all control.

Now he's kicked off about me wanting the car for a w/e away (long planned) 'cos he's working. Buy a sodding car then.

Yes, I do think DS2 is aware (albeit in a way he can't articulate). Daddy is SO full on - always fun, fun, fun - games, treats, meals out. What kid wouldn't like that? But I think it's exhausting him - stbx keeps him out too late (something to be addressed in the scary letter) and DS2 is very tired. He needs to just be left to play with his toys or read now and again.

As I've said, the school are aware and DS has said a couple of things which make me believe they're keeping an extra eye on him and giving him a little more attention than usual.