The ignoring....gaaaa

[jellybean2000]

That is all.
Yes, I'm divorcing him.
He will continue to stoop to whatever method he can to control, upset and anger me.
Delay, delay, delay.

I've been here for a while but NC a while ago.

Having a bad day today.

THEN I realised I'd left my purse in the cinema yesterday evening. Drove down there is utter panic (having failed to actually get through to actual person in actual cinema on the phone...grrrrrrrr) and someone had handed it in. Thank fuck for that.

I think losing my purse might just have finished me off.

A friend who has been a rock txt me to say she thought I needed professional help. Feel like she's had enough of supporting me. I do recognise that people have their own busy and stressful lives and that I am being a very needy friend at the moment, but it still hurts. I have other friends.

Oh and one of my sisters unfriended me on FB - just me, no one else in the family.

Think stbx is seeing someone.

Oh.... Big hugs.

Stbx seeing someone else might just be a blessing in disguise. Here's hoping.

That's a shame re your friend, as you said, you have other friends. And you have us!

Your sister, now that's really shitty. What's her problem?

You will survive the day.

Can't type much - baby hanging out of me - just wanted to say that is shite about your friend and sis. Maybe your friend meant it in an additional supportive way? - as well as her support, I mean. And, how do feel about him seeing someone?

Can't wait til you can put this ordeal behind you and have a lovely fresh clean life to lead

Perhaps your friend is seeing that you are starting to crack under the pressure and is actually expressing huge concern for you?

I too think a new person on the scene may shift his focus off torturing you a little.

Huge hugs

I don't really care if he's seeing someone and yes, if it means he's out of the house more then that's good, though I hate that he just wanders off and doesn't tell me when he'll be back, it makes me jumpy. I do care that people in the village might know and think he's just got fed up with me and gone off with someone else.

My sister has massive MH issues. I do understand but it's hard not to take it personally when I'm the only one unfriended.

I am taking a step back from my friend. Maybe her DH said she was investing too much time in me. She has her own concerns. I was meant to be having lunch with a different friend/colleague today but he emailed to say he forgot and can't make it. It's made me think that this has just gone on for so long now and my friends are fed up of supporting me.

It has gone on for too long but you are doing the absolute best that you can.
It will come to an end and then you can move on but as a friend, I would want to be there to help you through it.
Badger your solicitor.
Keep your head down.
KOKO!

I did badger my solicitor. It'll be a week tomorrow that I recieved the first draft of the financial settlement (and that I stayed up until the small hours replying to). Everything's so slow and frustrating. So I banged out a stressed email, or two and then got a reply.

I have been quite upset at the draft saying that in order to move things on I should pay him more. I questioned this - "you mean pay him to stop abusing me". I hope that have addressed that concern.

What I don't get is why it's so subjective and emotional. Surely they just look at the assets and needs and then work it out without all this back and forth. Is it because he hasn't been entirely truthful in explaining his poor employment history and thus his future earning capacity and I'm questioning it? And why am I asking this in MN...why don't they tell me this?

I have only cried once today.

Bad morning. Bad, bad morning.

I woke feeling anxious and angry about all sorts of things.

Took myself to my garden office as could't bear to be in same room.
He came in and asked why he couldn't walk DS2 to school. For anyone keeping up, I've been walking DS2 to school this week as he seemed to go in more happily. I just said I was taking him as planned.

I went back in house and DS2 says meekly that Dad was taking him. I walk out sobbing. It hurts so much to see how he's using DS2. stbx comes in and says he'll walk him to shop and then I can take over at pub. WTF.

I'm crying buckets, can't breathe and just ache.

FV, this will be over eventually. Detach from his fuckwittery, he wants to see you upset. Whatever he's doing now can be reversed down the line. This won't go on for ever.

How can I detach when he's using my little boy to rip out my heart?

What sort of bastard uses a 7 year old boy as a pawn in their sick, sick games?

I could (just about) cope when it was just me, but this just breaks me.

That's awful awful awful. What a bastard. How was your son his morning - at least you did the second half of the walk so got to drop him in... but even that's fuxking madness, so you had to walk ahead/drive or something?? - to do the end bit??

DS2 was all Daddy daddy daddy. I was a mess, so no wonder he wants Dad. I've been reading about how the abuser easily makes their subject look bad in front of the kids. Such a cheap shot but so effective.

No, I didn't do the second 1/2 of the walk, I was a flipping mess (he knew that, he could see the tears rolling down my face).

Hugs.

Solicitors can advise re finances and may have an idea on what the courts would see as fair and reasonable if it went that far, but I guess your solicitors suggestion to pay him more is to basically not let it get that far and buy him off. Solicitors can only advise but people can settle on whatever they want.

Do you actually know what your stbx is asking for?

You know it's about power and control and sadly sometimes people will use their children as pawns. I know it's hard, really hard, and my heart breaks for you but just try to go with the flow. Oh and always expect the worse from him.

Is this the escalation of abuse before the end then?
I hope I can make it and I hope the relationship with my children isn't irrevocably damaged.

My solicitor is calling at 2pm.

No advice but sending hugs

He has told his solicitor he wants to sell the house. WHY? I can buy him out. It's the stability for the children.

I won't accept of course, but it just shows he's pulling all his evil, evil stops out.

Stupid man, does he realise he would probably end up with less once estate agent fees etc were paid. Did you solicitor say anything else?

He will just do anything just to spite you. Sorry unhelpful I know.

He can sell the house, to you

Actually I think it's just a delaying tactic - it would take much longer that way and he would probably delay it every step of the way, refusing to sign documents etc.

I wonder if there is enough evidence of abuse, him delaying things, that you could get an occupation order? I would seriously explore this option EA is now a crime and the police HAVE to take it seriously.

Don't suppose you have a friend or relative that would move in to make life more unpleasant for him?

LOL...sell it to me. How to throw about a few grand!

I cannot think where this came from. DS1 is going into upper 6th in Sept...don't really want to be house hunting then.

I have explored injuctions and have collected my evidence - then my solicitor was away for a while. I have police reports. Occupation Orders are not straight forward - the filing of them (unless it is absolute emergency) and the being successful.

Non-molestation orders are more successful. Doesn't get him out of the house though and I would only do it if I can do it ex parte ie w/o him being served the papers and given a court date - imagine that arriving on the door mat, eh?!

So, I totally fucked up in a conference call today. Boss asked me a question. I wasn't listening and failed to blag my way out. Hung up. Jesus. He knows what's going on so I emailed an apology. But still......

I am taking tomorrow as leave and taking myself off for a spot of shopping and meeting my cousin (80 years old, very wise, sprightly and takes no shit) for lunch. She's on my Mum's side (who died 7 years ago and whom I miss so so much) so it will be nice to have that connection. I haven't had any new clothes (aside from the cheapy top I got from Tesco...WHEN I GOT LOCKED IN THE FUCKING CHANGING ROOM!) for months.

What's the deal on holidays? I've sent stbx a txt saying giving dates I want to take boys away in Aug. Can I just go ahead a book. It's abroad.

any of us wd find what you are going thru unbearable,op. when it is over and he is gone ,you will start to pick up the pieces and make a better life than this. So sorry for you and your dss.

I can do this. He's going out soon. I won't cry.

Bullies love a reaction.
Stay strong.

KOKO you are awesome, going through hell and still hanging in there.

I'm so torn.
He will be back with DS2 in less than an hour. He won't leave again for another 2hrs. He's already promised ds2 bacon sandwiches and hot chocolate so that's another however how long he's "got" him. I can't bear to be here when he's here, but taking myself out of house makes him believe I don't want to be with DS2.

WWYD? He'll be gone at 3pm (at least that's what the calendar says but is often a way to control me - makes sure I'm back when he says).

Just a few hours with my boy today for my own sanity?

I got up at 5.30am to go running just to show him he will not stand in the way of that.

Losing confidence in my solicitor.
Why did his solicitor not advise STBX that him wanting to sell the house was stupid? Just seems like a waste of time and money and lots of upset.

So, shall I go out or stay in?