Police just left :-(

[PestilentialCat]

The testosterone fest of the last few months culminated in DS & DH coming to blows tonight & the Police being called. DS is sleeping at a friend's down the road. We have filled in the DV paperwork. No-one has been arrested yet. It's been fairly crap for years, but nothing like this. . My big tough 18yo was in tears

No, I know you think you are, but you aren't.

Tonight his father burped in his face (extremely disrespectful and disgusting) and provoked him into a physical altercation which resulted in the police being called because his father was "out of control". I would assume he was asked whether he wanted to press charges, and he said no, probably for you. He then had to leave his home late at night, to walk to a friends house. Injured and upset. While his mother stays at home with the git of a man that he calls his father.

He has also been a witness, I am sure, to this low level abuse that has been happening. Whether you think he doesn't see/doesn't know or not, it is very likely he does.

You are in a cycle of minimizing horrible behaviour. Chances are, before the abuse started you would have been horrified beyond measure at tonights events, but over the years you have become desensitized to it. You need to break that cycle and see this for what it is. A violent assault on your son by his father. Your husband should be in a cell tonight and you should be at home with your son planning the next steps.

Your poor DS - most of us have a breaking point, shame on your DH provoking him so much he snapped.

Agree Extra - DS is a nice, honest boy & told the Police exactly what had happened. They agreed he had been provoked with the "Burp-Blowing" - ugh

does yoir dh know you are planning to leave?

I am assuming your ds is in y13 and soon sitting his A-levels or doing his college course.
Is that why you want to stay for few more months?

Liz he didn't want to press charges because he didn't want his DF losing his job - he has that sort of job - not to protect me. Yes he has seen the low level crap - I'm not exactly proud of that

Some of you seem to have missed the part where the OP mentions she is a victim of domestic violence too. She can't morph into Xena Warrior Princess just so you can happily conclude this thread and move on to the next. Staying safe is a priority, especially as she may be alone with him now.

anti yes

Walter I'm not a wind-up trolling merchant, seriously

Clarence - thank you - yes, home with H now. All calm.

Your son might have a better chance of getting through college without having to walk on eggshells for the next few months.

That's a stupid reason to keep yourself and your son in this environment.

You need a better plan. One that involve your child and yourself living in peace and safety quickly.

Oh how horrible for you

It's few more weeks tbh, just till mid June I think.

Is it possible for your son to move away for those important weeks?
10 weeks tops but those will decide about his future if he is doing his A-levels.

ItWill - agree - I'm working on it

Going to bed now

anti - possibly

OK, but how is having his violent father in his home any better for his A levels?

Oh dear....

Sorry x-posted.

I hope you get some sleep op, your head must be spinning

Whats your plan OP? Do you have a timeline? Maybe we could help you speed things up. Sometimes people on the outside can see things that you cant when you are dealing with a nightmare situation (I speak from experience, something that was blindingly obvious to everyone else totally passed me by).

Dont forget though that the house, belongings etc are nowhere near as importance as the safety of you and your son. At 18 he has had a lifetime of this, counselling should be a priority for him, not your husband.

Till the next time...

I would do it without hesitation, I think for all involved it will be better solution.
What yo udo with your life is different matter.
Your son then may get a job and support himself anyway.

Do you have other kids living with you?

Hope you are ok op
Do what you have to for tonight and get your plans in action tomorrow
Sometimes you have to deal with things as best you can at that moment

That was in response to "All calm"...

I'd get you get your son some counselling. Even though he was provoked it won't do him any harm to understand why it happened. He could have been charged.

Had your DH hurt him before? Has your Dh been violent to other people before?

Has your DS been violent before towards other people or towards your DH?

Seconding red

Sadly, violence is often learned behaviour and I do worry that the OPs son has picked up the tendency to hit first from his father :(